Tell me about your 20/21 month old

[TheBeesKnee]

I am currently using up annual leave to work 4 days a week.

My partner is doing condensed days to also work 4 days a week.

So 16 months old DS goes to nursery 3 days per week.

This is all going to change in January and I am really struggling to come to terms with sending him in 4/5 days per week.

DP may not be able to continue with condensed hours and I would probably have to go part time if I wanted to be home with him one day per week.

He still seems so little to me. He's only just started saying a few words. It's breaking my heart to think that I'll only really get 2 days with my baby, I feel like the after nursery dinner/bath/bedtime madness doesn't really count?

I realise I am probably being monodramatic though, people do this all the time.

So please tell me what your 21 month old DC are like and how they cope with a full time childcare setting.

Loves it! He has a great bond with his teachers and the other children. I know that parenting is not just about the baby/toddler years. This time is no more ‘special’ than any other precious part of my precious son’s life. I will low him just as much when he is 4, 8, 13, 17 or 50 for that matter! We work, he is happy and safe, life is good. We have special family time at weekends and holidays, and after work.

My DD is 20 months and has been at nursery full time for 3 months. She adores it, goes running in every morning. It was a massive struggle with my heart strings to begin with but I wanted her to be socialised as much as poss. We get good family time at weekends.

DD started nursery at a year old and I reduced hours down to 4 days so I still get 3 days a week with her. She’s now 21 months and absolutely loves nursery, it’s been lovely to see her grow in confidence and become her own little person (though we’re currently going through the “no” phase which is not so fun!). Is condensing hours an option for you?

At the moment he goes 9-5. If I condensed my hours he would be there 8-6 and I'd be taking a 30 minute lunch break - and that's just on WFH days. 4 long days for a child feels marginally worse than 5 regular days?

We technically have to be in the office 2 days per week, but I'm doing one day and that's the day that his dad is home with him. My commute is LONG and I wouldn't have time to get him to nursery and make it in on time.

Ds is 20 months and goes 5 days a week. He shouts "yay" when we pull into the car park and he sees where he is. He likes packing his bag and wearing it in and he loves the staff who I couldn't fault. His speech and development has come on leaps and bounds and I put a lot of effort in to encouraging that when he was at home with me so I do feel like he's getting some benefits from nursery that I couldn't provide by myself. It does feel like a rush during the week truthfully. But I just try to make the most of that time. He gets up early and we have a wee cuddle in bed before we get up and ready for the day and we'll have our chat in the car on the way there, then he is super excited to see me at pick up and he's started to be able to tell me about what he's done that day and what friends he played with on the way home and then we make dinner and play together, do bathtime and then bed. So the time when we're together feels very connected. Then at the weekend I make a lot of effort to do quality time things with him and try to get my housework out of the way when he's gone down for the night so I'm available fully for him. It's a routine that takes a while to get into but then it's grand.

@Lavender14 it's lovely that you're making the most of your time together 💕

Can you drop your hours to four standard days? Is that affordable?

You sound as though you feel very strongly about it.

Just counting on my fingers... He's going to be one of the older ones in his school year isn't he? Nov/Dec birthday? So that's a 2027 start to YearR?

Personally, i would economise for three years to come up with a compromise solution with fewer nursery hours. If you and his dad cut your hours equally, you'll minimise career damage.

Even more so, if he's going to be your youngest/only.

It took us 4 years to get pregnant so I feel pretty distraught that I'm going to see him less and less.

I could float the idea but our mortgage rate is about to expire and I don't actually know if my manager would accept it. Add to that the fact that I'd like to have another DC and would rather have a full maternity pay and it's all pretty complicated.

All in all I think that might be my only option. It won't go down well with DP.

No, May baby actually. He's currently 16 months old.

My son goes full time 8-6 five days a week and has done since he turned 1. I do feel a bit guilty, but neither of us have the option to work part time or condense hours so it is what it is. He loves nursery and it is working well for us

Thanks everyone.

I had another chat with DP who said that this condensed working arrangement is until further notice, not the end of the year as originally negotiated - this is a huge relief!

I think I'm going to use 20 days of annual leave next year to continue taking one day off per week so that he only goes to nursery 3 days per week until he turns 2. Then I suppose he will have to go back full time and his dad will continue to have him one day and he will do 4 days/week at nursery from when he turns 2.

Better than a poke in the eye I suppose.