Starting nursery

[JadeRaven]

Hello,

My daughter is approaching 10 months old. This is my first child and I'm not sure if I have an unrealistic expectation of nursery.
She had her second settling in day today at nursery. She was only left there for a hour. She was fine when we left but when we returned she was crying and quite upset. To me, it seemed like that had been like that for a while but according to the staff she had only just started crying.
Normally she's a very laid back child and doesn't often get that worked up. We've left her before with family member and she's been totally fine.
I also feel like the other children in the room looked miserable and bored.

Crying for a short time towards the end of a first settle for a 10 month old baby - totally normal.

However I don't know why you'd pick to put your child into a nursery where you think the other children appear 'miserable and bored'. Presumably you visited the nursery before? I've never thought that about any of the kids on the many many times I've been inside the nursery we use. That's a separate issue.

I obviously wouldn't have intentionally put my child into a nursery like that. On previous visit it was fine. I'm not sure if because I am so anxious that it affecting my perception. My Mother came with me (as we have plan to spend the day together) and she worked in reception/primary school for nearly 30yrs and she seems to think it was fine it just because I'm so anxious. I think the anxiety is because we nearly lost at birth.

totally normal. Our friend’s DD cried for 6 months when she started! But would keep an eye on the nursery. Had similar feelings with DS’s nursery, decided to change after a few months and it was the best decision.

It’s hard leaving them for the first time somewhere new and it can make you feel anxious when you see them cry but it’s totally normal.
I know it’s horrible to leave them crying or when you go to pick them up and see them cry bur they do often settle quickly.
My little girl cried every drop off with me which made my heart break. As soon as I left the building though she was absolutely fine! She never cried when my dh dropped her off though which made me a little jealous!

I would say give her time tk settle and see how she gets on. You can always phone the nursery an hour later and see if she’s okay! If she finds it hard settling then they should tell you pretty soon.

You’ve picked up that the children looked bored and sometimes they can be depending on what’s going on in the room. You’ll know if it’s the right nursery for your baby in time. I put my dd in one place which looked fantastic on all the visits and had great reports but for some reason it just wasn’t right for her. I moved her somewhere else and it suited her perfectly. Sometimes these things happen.

What were they doing to comfort her? I've absolutely come back to a crying back during settling in visits, but baby was being cuddled, sung a favourite song (they'd asked in advance about favourites), etc.

In terms of the other babies being 'bored and miserable', can you pin down why? Did they not have suitable toys/activities? Were staff not engaging with them? It's something I'd keep an eye on, definitely not all nurseries are good nurseries, but equally, it could be strong emotions about your daughter being upset spilling over.

My Lo took 6 weeks to fully settle.
and for a while would be upset at drop off, then totally fine, then would start crying as other parents arrived to pick their kids up at the end of the day (expecting me every time the door opened). So maybe your LO did just get more upset toward the end of soem other parents arrived first? But soon got used to that!

the staff would send me photos once LO had settled I could see LO having a good time in between, soemtimes not even 2 minutes after I left ! Are they able to so that?

It's normal for them to be upset when they are settling in. Everything is new and they have to get used to the new adults caring for them and learn to trust them. This is why there are short taster sessions. Baby learns you come back, gets to clock the environment and isn't left to get too worked up the first couple visits.

The other babies may have had a little less attention than usual with a new and unsettled baby in and one crying can unsettle the others.