Problem settling in 9 month old at nursery

[Aardvvark]

Not sure how best to deal with this- would appreciate thoughts.

9 month old son is in the settling-in phase of a local nursery- working towards my return to work in October. He's a markedly chilled out and sociable child and rarely cries. He seemed fine on initial brief visits with and without me staying. Then the other day coming to collect him after a 3 hour session I could hear him screaming - desperately upset [ having nappy change] and crying worse than I've ever heard. The staff did acknowledge that he was upset and he settled immediately once the nappy change was over. Do I persevere and hope that this was part of settling in? is he not ready for nursery? do I ask to take the settling in more slowly? it's hard enough to let him go at all - when I heard him scream I just wanted to take him home and never go back!

He just cried having his nappy changed and stopped immediately after? He's fine!

That's an absolute non issue! All babies/toddlers go though a phase of hating their nappy being changed and will loudly protest in my experience! Even with their own mother. This wouldn't phase me at all

Personally I wouldn’t do settling in this far out from starting work. Two months is huge at this age and I don’t think a prolonged period of dabbling at nursery sounds helpful.

But yes, it’s normal. It’s a huge adjustment. If he hates it after a month of his “normal” hours then you can legitimately worry.

Thanks...I guess I am just overanxious!

This.

However, I also agree with @Sleepygrumpyandnothappy

This seems very early to be doing settling visits, especially as 9 - 10 months is a notorious age for developing separation anxiety.

@NewName24 what about parents who have to return to work before then?

I'm trying to settle my 8mo into nursery. I can't afford unpaid leave, can't go back part time. I had a choice. Return when baby 10.5 months full time, or return at 9 months and use the holiday to work 'part time' so baby isn't full time until 13 months. I chose the latter. But I don't want to suddenly stick baby in 3 full days from nothing and be at work immediately so this month I've got him in 3 mornings a week to settle in.

Is that 5 weeks he didn't 'need' to be in nursery at all? Yes. But means when he got super upset first day I picked him up after a couple hours. Second day he lasted full 4 hours. Third day was 2 hours again. I couldn't do this if I was at work, and he'd be in full days. I can't see it being any easier in a month. If anything 9mo is likely to be worse for separation anxiety.

We're doing the best we can and I'm sending you hugs.

@wheresthebigcarrot - same applies. I wouldn't start them at Nursery 2 months before they were going to start.

Lots of people I know are doing this, especially if full time. Month 1 = 3 mornings, month 2 = 3 days, month 3 = back at work so in full time. My nursery recommends it if possible. Regular but shorter time building up.

Many wouldn't think it odd to leave a 9mo with grandparents for a morning. At the end of the day nursery will become a very regularly seen set of trusted adults and friends that known them really well.

11, 12, 13 & 14 months are even worse for separation anxiety though?

Using extra time to settle in gently is fine @Aardvvark

Trust your instinct