Biting at nursery - should I be worried?

[lilysma]

DD (17 months) has been bitten twice at nursery in the last couple of weeks. She's generally really happy there and the staff are warm and caring. But each time no-one has seen her being bitten and she has apparently not cried or anything. Both times visible bite marks were there at the end of the day. Once I noticed and the other time the staff noticed.

The background to this is that I have heard from another mum that there is a problem biter in her group - this mum had to withdraw her child after he was bitten ten times! The nursery cannot exclude the biter apparently as they are council run . I am a bit concerned that my dd has become the next target, but haven't yet mentioned to the staff that I know about this other child.

The staff seem concerned but say that it is difficult to know how to deal with it if dd doesn't cry to let them know it's happening. Is dd's behaviour odd in this respect? Should the staff be watching her more closely, or is it just one of those things? Any views appreciated!

Happened to dd who is now nearly 2 a couple of times in the last 3-4 months but, like your dd, she has been untroubled by it and also reassuringly staff very open about it, they've mentioned it as soon as I've come to pick her up and they say what they've done for dd.

I also know they are quite firm and use time out with the guilty party to explain how sad it makes others feel and encourage them to say sorry - an approach I'm more than happy with. I see it as one of those things, toddlers are always in each other's space and are learning how to behave.

Daft dd stuck her finger in another child's mouth last week and was naturally bitten so signed another form!

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Like milliec, I can see the other side. My DS was a prolific biter from about 18mo to 4 yrs old.
I was very very sensitive about it, and would have distraught had he been excluded. Luckily, (because they knew I cared) I felt really supported by the pre-school staff, and other parents.
Eventually the pre-school leader came upon a method of dealing with it called 'blanking', where instead of telling DS off after an incident, all the attention would go to the bitten child. She would turn her back on DS and not speak to him or even look at him whilst comforting the other child. I was sceptical as we had tried many tactics before but it did work, and he gradually stopped.

I know its hard when you see your child being hurt, but do try not to see the biter as a bully. The actual action is no worse than other behaviours IYKWIM, but it does seem it as its more painful for the person on the receiving end and leaves a nasty mark that stays for days, which pushing or pinching don't.

Agree that if she doesn't cry at the time then its much harder for staff to deal with. You don't want to encourage her to be more upset than she really feels but you don't want it to go unnoticed either. Very difficult, hope it passes

have been on both sides of this, my ds was bitten a few times at playgroup and I remeber being mortified etc and wanting to hunt the little tinker down. However playgroup dealt with it and ds had never complained and was happy.
Now dd2 is 15mths and has been biting for about 2mths. I have told the nursery explained how we have dealt with it and so far have not been told she has bitten anyone else although she is still biting at home although not as much!! She isnt a monster or specifically targetting in fact it is more to do with the fact she is getting more molars and finding something to chew on.I would be upset if I thought she would be removed from nursery due to this.

Ds was bitten. I know that these things can't be spotted every time, But I find it TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE that they have not spotted it either time. Are they blind? There is a notorious biter ?
I spoke to the head of the nursery, they did know which child it was. I was pleased to hear all that she said, re the issue, I felt at peace that they were doing their best , and that they were dealing with the biter strictly, making it known that it was not acceptable. And they asssured me that in the immediate future thay would try and keep ds away from the biter.
I think you should DEMAND similar reassurances.

Thanks for all your responses. I do understand that biting is something all our dcs can do at some time (dd certainly bites me and pushes other children, so I wouldn't be overly surprised if she did bite at some point). I wasn't really wishing expulsion on the biter - its just that the story from the other mother I know is that the parents aren't being very co-operative, which I assume is how the issue of exclusion came up.

I'm not up in arms, tbh, and feel it's okay to wait and see what happens next. Just wanted to check out my instincts with y'all. I guess dd can't be too traumatised since she hasn't complained about it . The only thing I'm slightly concerned about is that they haven't noticed, so I'll be keeping a close eye out and jumping up and down if that happens again.

Thanks again.