My DD suddenly refusing to go to preschool, says I'm scared

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I just need some input from other people with toddler. My dd is nearly 4. She started nursery 6 months ago and was very good from day one.
I t's been over a week or so, she's been saying "I'm scared of nursery", "I don't like nursery" "I want to stay at home".
She is fine once she's there although little upset when I drop her off.. I've spoken to nursery and they said she is fine when she is here and participates in all of the activities.
I've tried asking my DD and she isn't really clear but one occasion she said this boy pushes her in nursery. So I spoke to the staff and they said they'll keep an eye out. I've asked my DD again about him and she said he doesn't push her anymore.
Now I'm not sure what the issue is. She wakes up in the morning and is so anxious about going to nursery and all I hear is "please don't drop me off to nursery". Some days I give in and other days I drop her off. I'm really concerned about in case something is going on and she's not telling me. Any suggestions please let me know

Have you told the staff she's saying she's scared? Does she under stand the meaning of scared? Has there been any home or nursery changes recently? Does she struggle with being left in other environments? How is she in busy places, is she a sociable child?

I'd speak to nursery explain what she's saying and that it's every day and ask for her to be observed

It's hard to know what's happening, it could be something triggered it. Or she's decided nursery is not for her. Or there could be something ongoing.

Giving in is the worse thing you can do. DS went through a phase of pretending to be ill! If the staff say she is alright there when she goes, you should take her everyday. Perhaps she is worried that you won’t pick her up? Could you reassure her by telling her something you will do together when you pick her up?

Very sociable
Recently she has also been saying "don't go to work" I only work part time and she struggled at first when I returned from maternity but eventually settled.
She's very attached to me as I've had 2 maternities with her.
I have spoken to nursery about her saying she's scared. She partially knows what the term scared means but she tends to use this term when she doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something.

keeping her home sometimes isn’t going to help as she will learn that’s what to say if she doesn’t feel like going in.

is she leaving soon to move to school?

Yes I have tried that but she says she wants me to sit with her and not leave her alone in Nursery. She was very good and used to enjoy nursery alot.
I'm just worried what's changed all of a sudden

In this case it sounds like she is playing you OP. If there is a genuine reason for her being scared (shouting teacher, bullying child etc), of course that would need investigating but it really doesn’t sound like there is. Keep an eye out but otherwise you need to crack on and take her. She won’t be allowed to refuse school come September.

No
She's starting school in sept 2025 so she's got a year to go

If she has a new sibling it might be a cry for attention.

Honestly I'd speak to the staff and say DD is saying she's scared, and try and address it. At that age, I'd really be insisting she keeps going, if she's generally happy once there.

My DS is 18 months old so it's not really a new sibbling. She's very much used to him

I have spoken to them but I haven't said the word "scared" as she only just started saying this specific word few days ago
I am content with her nursery staff but I do find them little laid back. Everytime I have a question or raise a issue, they don't have much to say other than "She's fine in nursery" but don't really elaborate much without prompting them. I find this little strange

Possibly yes. She was reasonably happy today. She started off being really upset about it and then just before we left for nursery she said "I'm a big girl, I won't get upset in nursery"

Op I don't think she's playing you etc or being otherwise manipulative. It sounds like a bit of separation anxiety and there's lots of things that can spark that off for children of that age, for example reading a story about a child who got lost or about someone important dying etc she's maybe learning that you could go away and actually not come back which is terrifying for a child so naturally she will feel safer when she's with you and less 'scared'. I'd try giving her lots of other reassurance and going with it. You could try the method of drawing a heart on her hand and telling her that when she presses it you know and send her a hug all the way from work. Or make a plan to try and spend a little more time one on one with her and reassure her who will be picking her up and when. It sounds to me like a phase where she's figuring something out so I'd be inclined to go with it.

Smart kid!
She is most likely unsettled if she has had 2 new siblings in 4 years, and an on-off relationship with nursery if you withdrew her during ML and has got a bit of FOMO. Praise her for being a big girl and plan a 'big girl' activity for you to do just the two of you after a nursery day.

She's only had 1 sibbling. I was referring to mat leave with her and then I was off when I had my DS. I didn't really send her to nursery till she was slightly over 3 and qualified for free hours.

Some great ideas there especially about the heart. I will try that and see how she gets on. I do have give her alot of reassurance. Every single week, she says to me that I trick her and I got to work. Not sure why she feels that way. I have tried explaining to her that I only work 2 days and I spend the rest of the days with her and her brother.

My girl is the same age and recently went through a phase of saying the exact same things, after having been happy at nursery since age 1.
It's difficult to get any sense out of them at this age, but eventually she managed to tell me that she was scared of the cars in the car park outside. She's recently also started to be scared of the woodland that's visible from our window. I can't even pop out of the room for a second as she runs after me saying she's scared of the trees.
I don't know, I think it's some sort of phase at this age that's a combination of separation anxiety and strange fears. But obviously keep speaking to the nursery in case there is actually an issue there.

Why is she saying that you trick her? Are you tricking her? They're very perceptive at this age.

"Scared" is a word that small children learn at some point and they will use it as often as possible in regards to things they don't like.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/KbedHkVntOI

Some odd replies projecting adult brains onto four year olds. She might be using scared but essentially theories of child development would suggest looking beyond the words to the emotional language conveyed by her behaviour.

Ultimately she's telling you that you are her safe place. No amount of fun offered can counteract an innate biological drive to stay safe once triggered (ie that morning). She's old enough to be going through the major development of understanding that negative things can happen to her away from you and if you're not there to protect her she is more vulnerable. This is huge.

I would suggest things like transitional objects, story boards and books about how to handle feelings, talking to nursery about a regulation corner and support for her emotionally because they're clearly not meeting her needs and need to be much more switched on here. Is this Ofsted outstanding?

I agreed fully with you until the last part.

OFSTED are frankly bullshit. They see a snapshot of the day, carefully set up and instructed to follow what has been seen on other local settings' one-word judgements on the day. Outstanding means nothing. I worked in a setting where we were coached for ofsted and even by their standards we weren't outstanding. We got it anyway. I've worked in settings which should be outstanding who got good for the tiniest, pettiest reasons. Until we get ofsted reform I'd be more than happy with ofsted good.

I was actually thinking the same. That the rating doesn't necessarily translate into child centred care, or theory-practice links..

I don't really trick her. I've been very clear to her that I work 2 days a week and I have to go to work. I think she says that because sometimes she's asleep when I leave for work, I leave very early. If I wake her up then she doesn't go back to sleep. But on most occasions she does end up waking up and seeing me go to work.
I think I say to her that I'm not going to work for the next 4 days and she thinks I'll be home with her and won't go to work at all, so when the day comes and I go to work she ends up thinking I tricked her.

It's rates good by ofstead. I will speak to them about regulation corner and support for her emotionally.

Does your dd go every day and how long is her day at nursery? On days when you're at home, it might be nice to collect her earlier or even drop a day so she can spend time with you and her sibling. Then nursery becomes more fun as it's not day in and day out. Nursery is long, noisy and tiring

She goes 5 days a week but only half a day so afternoons only