Extremely anxious baby starting nursery

[Natbxx12]

So my 10 month old is due to start nursery in 2 months time. She is an extremely anxious clingy baby. She will not go to anybody at all including grandparents that she sees regularly. She won't even be held by my mum. We had ny mum come over and stay at our house for 2 days and not only would she not be held by her but she also wouldn't be out down to play whilst nanny was in the house. I have a 3 year old daughter too who is confident and outgoing but my little one is so scared of everything and everyone. She's always been a cryer and when she starts she doesn't stop. Everyone thinks she will exhaust herself to sleep but she doesn't. If we go anywhere in public she will just cling to me for dear life. I'm so worried about nursery. The idea of it is making me feel so guilty and anxious. I know she's not ready but I have no choice but to go back to work. She is enrolled to go for 1 and a half days a week. Does anybody have any suggestions of things I can do to try and make the transition any easier for her or some reassurance that someone has been in this situation and it's been OK. My partner is convinced im going to have to give up my job but im adamant that this is not an option! Sorry for the essay!

Is one-on-one or small group childcare not an option? She doesn't really sound suited to nursery!

2 months is a long time in baby terms. Can you find any mother and baby groups to join to get her used to being around other babies? Perhaps being around other mothers will help you help her to let go.

How is she with dp ?

I would build up leaving her for short periods with dp .

my D’s had severe separation issues - would cry if he couldn’t see me … I had a surestart worker ( back in the day ) come in build up playing with him whilst in the room eventually upstairs . It wasn’t an easy process . He constantly cried at drop off at nursery but settled once I was gone

My DD2 started nursery at 10 months last year, and settling in sessions didn't go well, she was extremely clingy to myself and DH, didn't like being looked after by anyone else. The first month of sessions, just 1.5 a week made me think she'd never settle, but then one day it all just clicked and then she started to dive out of our arms to her key workers and also started settling well when my mum looked after her on a Friday. It wasn't a fun start and I felt so guilty, but the nursery were great. A year on, I think she prefers nursery to hanging out with us lol. The improvement started for us when her sessions increased on my DH's return to work.

Nuffsaid - A one to one is a possibility but ideally I'd want her to be in nursery because my older daughter is starting at the same time and the convenience of being able to drop them off in 1 place just makes sense.

Oodiks - We've done quite a few baby groups and she also tags along to my 3 year olds groups as well as her social outings like soft play ect. She will interact with other people if she's got 1 hand on me but the moment there's no physical contact its a meltdown.

Starlight - she's great with dp. She likes him more than me and will happily stay with him. He had an accident shortly after she was born and he was unable to hold her for a couple of months so it took some time but now she's all for daddy! I was hoping she would be the same with other people if we just spent more time with them but she's just so anxious around anyone that's not me or him.

Annlee - it's reassuring to hear that your little one settled eventually. I'm crossing everything that i will be pleasantly surprised at how she settles.

For various reasons, DD2 was essentially bonded only to me as a baby, and basically never entertained other people (except DD1, 2.5 years older, whom she adored). We did have extra (free) settling in sessions on the advice of the very experienced baby room supervisor who felt DD2 needed more short sessions to build her relationship with the staff before starting nursery proper. It did take her a few weeks to settle, but was less difficult than I thought it would be, to be honest. I'm sure it helped that her sister was there as well, they did the whole drop-off routine together, they could play together in the garden, etc.

Will DD explore short distances away from you in a familiar and relatively quiet setting? A calm baby group or quiet playpark, say, not a loud, busy one. Just wondering how much it is 'anything different' that bothers her versus 'not my people'.