20 Month not settling

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Hi all, just looking for some advice.

So as not to drip-feed, my baby started nursery in Jan this year (2 days a week). I was not happy with the nursery for a number of reasons - I posted here about it - and we decided to move him once he had been there for two months. He cried at drop-off every time apart from his last day (this wasn't the reason we moved him)

He has been at his new nursery for almost 4 months now, hasn't settled and seems to be getting worse : (

He originally seemed OK but now cries without fail as soon as we get to the gates. He has a good relationship with his key worker and another lady in the room, and I was confident that he was happy after having a little cry.
However, the last few times I've been to pick him up they've commented that he has been 'emotional' or 'sensitive'. They also said they almost called us to collect him one day but then he settled. Apparently he doesn't like being around some of the other children, which surprises me as we go to baby group on my days off and he really enjoys it.
Nursery have given us pictures of the setting and we talk about where he's going but it hasn't helped yet.
He does eat and sleep well when he's there.

I don't regret the decision to move him but I am feeling so guilty that he's so sad everytime we leave him. I try to be baby-led and there's also a part of me that feels like this is 'undoing' all my hard work of being responsive and trying to have a strong attachment! He is super-clingy at home now, I feel he's confused, and seems worried I'm going to leave him if I so much as go into another room. This could just be a phase but it feels connected. I should add I always make sure he sees me say goodbye.

I'm just wondering how long other people's children took to settle when only doing 2 days a week? Any tips? How can I ask the nursery to help?
I am starting to wonder if a childminder would have been better, but I really don't want to keep moving him x

How many hours does he do there?
Is he there whilst you work?
What was his settling in sessions like?
Could you take some steps back....start asif you were at the beginning over several weeks, agree a 'settling in' process starting with you visiting with him for maybe 30 mins, then maybe 45 mins, next time same but pop out for the last 5 mins, then the next time the last 15, with the keyperson present and becoming more involved and you pulling back as he feels more confident.

Alot of issues with children not settling well I think are because often they are 'flung in at the deep end' and nurseries don't have the right settling in policies.

He obviously has a lovely strong attachment with you, sounds like he just needs some help to trust that he can extend that bond from his secure base (you) It will also be the reason you see him behave differently with other children at groups...he has you there then to help him feel confident.

If he doesn't settle still or nursery refuse to do that, maybe look at finding a good childminder.Maybe.a home style environment might suit him better.

What days does he do? Does he do 2 days for example that are next to each other (eg M/Tu, Tu/W etc.) where he has a big break between?

Thank you for the replies @DianeJl @Twolittleloves

He does a full day (8:45-5pm) on a Monday and Wednesday. He is with my mum/sister on a Tuesday (no issues there he loves being with them). My partner and I both work on these days and then I have Thurs and Fri off with him.

With both nurseries it started off well, they both commented on how confident he was. During the settling sessions he went off and played and came back to me every so often. Then around week three he started to get upset. I did wonder if he thought it was a baby group or something and now realises when we drop him off that he isn’t going to see us all day.

Thanks for the advice on ‘re-settling’, I have an appointment with nursery next week so it’s really helpful to have something to propose. And thank you for the reassurance in his attachment - now you’ve said it it makes total sense why he would be different at groups etc x

That is very normal that once the initial 'novelty' wears off they can go backwards....hopefully the nursery can agree to a plan you feel happy with, but trust your gut.If it isn't working for him, reconsider.Good luck x

What is he like at home? Some children never really settle and even 8/9 year olds will cry at drop off although this is obviously more unusual. It's upsetting for you

@qwertyasdfgzxcv yes, I have a friend whose 4yr old still cries sometimes, must be so difficult!
I would say he's (from what I gather) a typical toddler at home, very 'busy', likes to try and help me with things. He is quite clingy, if I go to the toilet or something he would always rather come with me than just stay with his dad for example. If I set something up for us to play with after a while he's happy to play by himself but he does like me nearby if that makes sense. I was surprised they described him as sensitive though as he is quite loud and chatty and home, always running around etc. Although at groups/parties he likes to suss things out before getting involved - he will literally wait on the edges for a while before getting into it!
Thanks @Twolittleloves that's good to know it's normal. I really felt it in my gut about the last nursery, I never understood how people went on their gut before then! Part of me feels a smaller settling of a childminder would suit him better, but then I also think the issue is around being left so we would still have that 😥We'd also want him to go to pre-school to get used to class sizes etc so that feels like another move whereas he can stay at this nursery the whole way through...much to think about!