Red or Amber nursery flags? Opinions needed!

[Mrs1stTimeMama]

Just enrolled DS into a nursery at nearly 11 months (no choice as work demands it). Having a hard time sussing out the nursery, we're limited to only a few options in our area but they've just opened up a new nursery which is part of the N chain - have only good or outstanding nurseries. But as this one is just opened it's not been rated yet.

To start with I don't think the key person is a good fit, they don't seem to remember key details after a number of conversations and seem to approach DS with quite a cold 'has to happen' mindset which he doesn't respond well to. Can you ask to change a key person? There's a woman there he seems to like a lot more who's a bit warmer and more engaging.

Secondly, every time I've been there is a child crying hysterically which seems to be continuous and quite alarming but apparently they are letting her cry it out at the parents request. It does mean that the other children are roaming around a bit in a bit of a 'free time' way rather than the curriculum it boasts. Yet to see this curriculum in action. I also saw a few kids (under 18 months) just left to their own devices,is that normal? Felt a bit unwatched and unsafe.

Help please experienced mamas and papas!

It depends what you mean by own devises … unstructured play is really important but left unsupervised is not .

The key person you can ask say my ds seems to have really bonded with .. could we consider swapping .

An Ofsted rating is not always a true reflection . Large chains have policies that cover all nurseries however knowing the child and next steps was important on Ofsted new guidelines when I left childminding 3 years ago .

I would focus on what your little one is getting … Are they getting to know your child . Is he eating and sleeping well there ? These can be indicators

Trust your instincts. If your key person doesn't feel like a good fit and you have concerns about the feeling of the place I would consider trying to find somewhere else.

We looked at 2 nurserys, one felt friendly, home from home vibe, everyone made an effort to speak to our LO and reassure us. The other was new, great building, playground, much better physical setting but we didn't feel welcomed and it didn't feel as caring. We chose the first, and friends with little ones at the second setting have had various issues that I'm glad we avoided.

@Starlightstarbright3 I felt it was more unsupervised than unstructured - more chaotic and free roaming. Perhaps for several minutes a baby is left on its own - is that too long or not long? One was running around with the temperature machine

@Brbreeze yes this might be the thing, everyone is settling in as its new. I wish we had somewhere good nearby to choose from!

Trust your mummy spidey senses. You feel insecure. Look for alternative. Is a childminder an alternative?

I wouldn’t trust an Ofsted rating. I worked for many years at a place that has just been given outstanding. The staff have never changed. I would say they were average at best but not somewhere I’d want my child. Conversely a fantastic homely setting recently got ‘good’, with requires improvement in one category. The kindest, friendliest place you could hope for who really cared about every single little one and did their best for them. Ofsted is about what they see on the day and the performance the setting can put on - if it’s a chain it’s likely to be higher rating irrespective of the actual quality of the care there.

Trust your instinct, 100%. Have you thought about a childminder?

Kids playing by themselves in a baby proofed room with adults nearby is good - they should have their play directed all the time.

Asking to change keyworker is fair enough.

A baby being repeatedly left to cry would ring alarm bells for me. IME nursery workers are experts at scooping up a crying child while doing handover and fixing a toy for a third child, they're very impressive.

No, no, no.
Any nursery which will agree to leaving a child to cry should be out the question.
I'm actually heartbroken for that poor little one :( Completely unacceptable that they are being left upset and alone.
It's emotional neglect.
Run for the hills OP, your child deserves better.

We got our key person changed and were happy about that, although they all work as a team in the room

@Twolittleloves is it not normal then for them to have an agreement with the parents to let the baby 'cry it out'?

DS had an accident in there last week (first full week in). And has a bruised cheek and scratch on his face where he fell off of someone's lap onto an iPad and she accidentally scratched him. Not the most reassuring thing...

I'm sure sadly it happens, but its incredibly bad practice and would not happen in a good setting- they should be training and practicing in line with up-to-date Child development theory and psychology, which would not promote or encourage Cry It Out, as it is known to cause higher levels of cortisol (stress hormone) emotional distress and insecure attachments for the infant.