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Taking my daughter out of nursery - anyone else kid thrived elsewhere?

5 replies

Koalabear240 · 06/06/2024 10:50

Good morning ,

I don’t want to go on to long but for various reasons I’ve decided to take my daughter out of her current nursery setting, she is 4 in October and doesn’t start school until next year so has another year left in nursery . Has anyone taken there child out of a setting not right for them and thrived elsewhere?

Background-
she has attended her current nursery for the last year and a half since she was 2 . She used to love nursery and ran in happy but the last 6 months or so has gone down hill and there isn’t an improvement, a boy started who was very mean to her for no reason taking toys off her and pushing her etc, my daughter has never been mean and would not tell staff when this was happening and just stand and take it, she’d then tell me when she got home what happened . Shes in a very small mix age setting or 9 months to 5 year olds. And only about 15 kids to 4 adults . any incident that happened she would just stand and take it and be over nice to the person to try and make them be nice to her. Staff missed on so many occasions things happening so I had numerous meetings and tried to get support for her and encourage help to stand up for herself and tell the child that’s not nice etc and also make sure staff was watching them play together so they could see incidents happen and intervene / help my daughter navigate it. I was promised they wouldn’t be left anymore together after months back and forth but they still are as my daughter is still telling me issues daily.

my daughter got to the point where she was screaming everyday about not liking nursery crying at drop off in hysterics not wanting to go although staff said she was fine most of the day, but I do think she “masks” these things until she’s home . Where it all pours out. She’s also just been off for the holidays for 11 days slept through night everyday and been her happy funny self however as soon as nursery approached her anxiety started and she is now back to waking up and screaming about nursery through the night again now to . So I’ve made the decision today to pull her out, this will be her last day. The reason I was keeping her there in hopes that they would be able to support her and prepare her for school and was worried that putting her in a new setting would make her more anxious about going as would be all new staff and kids etc and probably more children attending which is more overwhelming, hence trying to keep her where she’s familiar as when she’s gone on other days she doesn’t normally attend on she’s struggled with the change, but am just not sure staff are doing enough to help, I’ve had meeting after meeting and not getting any improvement and she’s clearly very anxious and distressed about it .

am I making the correct decision, would she be ok with me now for the next 5-6 weeks of term until the 6 week holidays so 12 weeks off then starting potentially the school pre-school in September .
I don’t want to make her more anxious or suffer more with separation anxiety with staying with me everyday then starting a whole new setting.

Has anyone experienced similar to this and can shed light on if there child thrived in a new setting after a little break at home the old one ..

I don’t want to keep her in there any longer so she’d have to be at home with me for a short while, I will attend toddler groups etc with her.

OP posts:
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Igmum · 06/06/2024 10:54

Sorry your DD has gone through this. Frankly that sounds like a not very good nursery. With a ratio like that they should easily have picked up on the bullying. Well done for taking her out. I see no reason why she shouldn't thrive elsewhere (assume you're not in the UK since most 4 year olds would be in Reception).

Good luck to you both

Koalabear240 · 06/06/2024 10:58

Igmum · 06/06/2024 10:54

Sorry your DD has gone through this. Frankly that sounds like a not very good nursery. With a ratio like that they should easily have picked up on the bullying. Well done for taking her out. I see no reason why she shouldn't thrive elsewhere (assume you're not in the UK since most 4 year olds would be in Reception).

Good luck to you both

Thank you , I really don’t think they have been as good as it seems and i may of been fooled into thinking it will get better but frankly they just aren’t and haven’t done enough. Yes that’s what I didnt understand in such a small setting how they didn’t spot these things happening and keep missing things, they do have young babies there and I’m wondering if not enough attention is going on older ones .. I appreciate the reassurance I’ve done the right thing , and yes im in the uk she misses the term by a month so she doesn’t start until September 2025 a month before she turns 5 :)
she will be one of the older ones.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright3 · 06/06/2024 11:03

I would remove in a heartbeat in your situation .

They have failed to address a problem - let your Dd have time to recover with you .

She may well be reluctant to start new place but a positive experience elsewhere will just help.

Koalabear240 · 06/06/2024 21:06

Just an update as not sure if I made sense but she’s 3 she turns 4 in October but it means she misses the term so starts school next year not this year :)

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 07/06/2024 13:48

Yes I did and it was the best decision I ever made. Mine had been at a private nursery since she was 1. She didn't settle well as a baby but she was a COVID baby and had never really been left. She was fine from a few months in until October of last year. She started saying she didn't want to go in and then crying. I'd just told her I was pregnant so put it down to that. Then there were loads of staff changes and she remained unsettled but got worse. She used to beg not to go and try and put her car seat straps back on to go home when we pulled up in the carpark.

I pulled her out in January and moved her to a school nursery. Two weeks later their Ofsted report came out and it was shocking. Inadequate in all areas.

She is so happy at her new nursery. She skips in every day and couldn't be happier. Wish I'd move her back in October. Miles cheaper too!

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