Please give advice!

[babybellx]

Hi can I please ask everyone to be gentle with their thoughts as I am asking for advice and not to feel more rubbish.
I have a 41 month old son
speech delayed same speech as 2 year old.
salt will be seeing him this Thursday.
son is struggling with behaviour controlling to a severe extent. has been to gp and seeing health visitors gp said he has never seen a child as hyperactive and noisy as my son. Health visitors are also agreeing to gp and has put referrals for son to be seen by peads but referral has been declined .
he has many other symptoms that all fit in with asd. But his symptoms are quite severe just haven’t got the brain left to go through a whole list so please don’t look at it as just behaviour problems.
kisses strangers
too friendly with everyone
kissed my health visitor on the lips out of the blue a week ago unexpectedly .
doesn’t sleep
many other issues .
asq se is above cut off at 125.

I tried asking for support from nursery and a letter from them as every time they say he’s had a bad day today they say ‘he looks tired we think this might be what’s causing it’ so the letter would help as sleep is key and child that doesn’t sleep should be seen if it’s to the point there saying that at school too.
also seriously he would benefit from melatonin but without the referral we not getting it .

his nursery however say they have no concerns and that the reason to why I’m struggling is that I’m not giving clear boundaries because they witnessed me giving a bike back to him to settle him down as his key worker was giving me information on how my sons day has been so I returned the bike so he could be distracted whilst I’m having a conversation about his day at nursery.
senco has looked at the situation from far away and threw this back at my face today saying ‘we think you’re son would benefit from strict firm boundaries at home too as they help him here’
LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW THESE STRICT FIRM BOUNDRIES THEYRE GIVEN HIM IS CAUSING HIM SO MUCH STRESS THE SECOND HE RETURNS HOME WITH EXTRA TRANTRUMS.
also why is she judging my action ? It wasn’t to stop him from getting upset my purpose was to allow him to carry on playing so that I could hear the teacher as I wasn’t going to hear her if sons in the background shouting screaming for the bike??
am i wrong for thinking this isn’t right? They have received letters from his gp and health visitors asking for them to put referrals in place for son. The letters contain what they have witnessed during my son’s visits not my word there’s.
im sure he must be masking there but it’s like why are they now trying to make me feel like I’m the blame ? I’m a 23 year old mother trying to do what’s best for her child but feel like I’m trying to make them think my son is bad?? Idek how to feel I’m being strong and not letting down my guard and sticking up for myself and still trying to fight for my son however these comments and the way they’re treating me is making me feel ill and giving me stress and headaches so at this point I’m saying is there a point do I carry on doing what I am by pushing for referrals or do I stop it’s all too much and I’m struggling I’m a single parent with many issues at the moment.
what are you’re thoughts?
please be kind

Bump

As your GP to refer you to the child development centre as you are concerned about his behaviour at home.

Your nursery can also put in a referral but it sounds like they aren't so convinced there is a bigger problem? I would ask for a meeting with the manager and key person to discuss his behaviour more formally. If you think he will need extra support in school then he needs to have SEN plans and maybe an EHCP started so that he gets full support once he is in formal education. GP, health visitor and nursery are your first links to this support.

So the gp has wrote saying he thinks my son has adhd clearly on letter although I think it’s more asd but they said referals must be done from nursery’s and that gp cannot in our area refer for what he thinks as adhd.
hv done referrals but due to peads saying there are no issues what so ever at nursery he’s only there 15 hours. I’m getting fobbed off.
nursery senco for some reason wants to blame things on me and won’t help with anything saying my sons speech is also expected etc although he is more than a year behind on it so they basically are refusing to give me any support yet saying that they don’t have any issues as he has firm boundaries there and apperntly doesn’t at home ‘basing this on the bike story.’

Firstly I would ask for a meeting with the nursery. Speak to them about his speech delay/anything else undeniable and ask why they are not referring based on those undeniable items.

If they raise bike incident - say that you as a parent choose when to pick your battles, and on this occasion that is what you did, and would not like it raised again. One small view of your parenting need not cloud anything.

If there are strong delays with your child as you say, which are very much undeniable - and they will not refer or acknowledge them, I would remove him and let them know why. If you are able to I would remove fully for now and ask the HV to support you in a referral.