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Original poster

having issues with “ bullying “ at nursery ( 3 years old )

5 replies

Koalabear240 · 14/04/2024 08:13

Good morning,

my 3 year old daughter has been having some issues with a little boy at nursery now for 4-5 months. I have only recently been made more aware of this as her speech is coming on leaps and bounds but she still couldn’t fully tell me what is happening until more recently. Nursery made me aware of some pushing a few times but nothing else, however I’ve found out recently that this boy relentless says things that aren’t nice to my daughter on all the days she attends plus pushes her / pushes scooters into her and take the toys she’s playing with .My daughter has never retaliated she just wants to play with him and she stands and takes this from him, she doesn’t tell teachers even tho I tell her to and they now tell her to, at first she used to cry when he did things and get upset but now she just stands and takes it, which is really sad. I’ve been to collect her a few times seeing her stood in a stare while he’s on in her ear saying things to her, I’ve also seen him push her and when I collect them when they are playing outside he purposely cuts her off infront of her so she can’t get to me. He’s also numerous times come up to me going “ your not her mummy” your not her mummy and laughing, which upset my daughter to .

I had a meeting with nursery after previously writing a post, they have said they are now not leaving them to play unattended together just incase he does anything and that they will closely monitor from now on and teach my daughter to “ stand up for herself “ and to tell him no when he does something that’s not nice and to go and tell an adult at nursery.

however she’s stil dreading going, she’s been off for 2.5 weeks for Easter and returns tomorrow , she’s had a brilliant time off and I’ve given her the heads up over the weekend that nursery is on monday to prepare her and she’s now gone very quiet and completely withdrawn, she keeps asking if this child will be there and she said she feels nervous to go, she’s also said she doesn’t want to go. When she does go since this boy started she now cries every day saying I don’t want to go to nursery and really doesn’t like going it affects her whole week. I am considering moving nursery but I don’t no what kind of setting would be best for her she gets overwhelmed and I worry another child in a larger setting may then do something to her and be in the same situation , I don’t no her her to go with a child minder or a large nursery ( she’s in a small setting of 10-15 children currently) that she really enjoyed going to and settled in well until this boy started there 5 months ago and it’s gotten worse and gone down hill since.

my other issue is the school she would attend not this year but the next September 2025 this boy is potentially going to same school … my older child is in that school and has an EHCP so not easy to move him as he’s autistic. Other near school are also miles away, so I’d potentially have to fully move as well as move the kids school.

Any advise on what you would do please. As I’ve said as soon as I new what was happening I’ve had a meeting with nursery and I’ve told my daughter she does not need to play with this child and that to tell an adult if he does anything , I’ve also asked nursery if they’ve made parents aware the extent of what the child is doing to my child but haven’t yet been told.

I think it’s difficult because she seems to just put up with it so nursery think it’s ok, when it’s quite the opposite.

Many thanks

OP posts:
MumChp · 14/04/2024 08:20

You ask the nursery to step up.
Don't let it go.

You ask for a daily update on our daughter's day and adress it if staff don't keep your daugter safe.

My experience is that if you act upfront and make yourself seen as a parent they are more likely do their job and be aware of your child.

CurlewKate · 14/04/2024 08:24

How did you find out what was happening in such detail?

grassseed · 14/04/2024 08:38

This sounds awful OP, my first thought would also be to move them elsewhere but with what you've said it sounds like that isn't an option and at the very best would only help temporarily and they will end up at the same school. So as others have said you really need to make it clear to the nursery that what's happening isn't acceptable and they need to protect your child. If they don't deal with the issue then it will only get worse as the child gets older.

Original poster
Koalabear240 · 14/04/2024 10:05

Thanks everyone. I’ve sent another email so I have it in writing and I’ll discuss again when she returns to nursery tomorrow .

the person who asked how do I know in such detail, my daughter now is able to tell me what’s happening in more detail and in the short time that I am there at pick up and drop off I’ve seen him physically do these things multiple times a week recently and I’ve questioned nursery on it there and then but there very vague but I’ve physically seen him saying things not nice to her and pushing / hurting her with a scooter, I’ve also seen her be sat playing on her own and him come over and swipe the toy out of her hand. He laughs at her when he does this to Infront of me. When I’ve realised more and more what’s going on I’ve asked my daughter more questions and she is able to voice more what he is doing in more details , she was born with fluid on her brain and has some slight delays but her speech has improved more and more the last few months so she can voice much more what’s going on now. And if I lead with a question she can answer in her own words now much more. I’ve also been told the odd thing from the different members of staff and then once discussed in a meeting it was clear this happens very often and matches up to what my daughter is telling me if that make sense it has gotten worse as the months go on, nursery told me she used to cry when he done things or said things so they new what was happening he then continued to target her because he got a reaction from her ( in their words) and then its got worse from there but as my daughter seems to play with him still and has stopped crying and doesn’t tell staff they don’t always see what’s happening but she then leaves nursery and tells me what’s happened. I think moving settings would be best but as I said my worry is this will only be temporary as he’s potentially going to the same school. I feel so awful on my daughter having to deal with this at nursery and don’t want to send her somewhere she isn’t happy. I’m doing my best to help her and find a solution but it’s hard to no what’s best I’m trusting nursery in them telling me they are now dealing with it but I’m not sure it’s making a difference. She started regularly refusing to go to nursery and being upset and not wanting to leave me which wasn’t like her she used to love going in , but assumed it was just a phase maybe but over the last few weeks noticed more and more things with this boy and she’s now telling me more and more things and I’ve realised it’s because of him that she doesn’t want to go (which I wouldn’t either! ) and given the fact I’ve seen him do these things recently in the short time in there im more than sure he does this all day to her.. and she’s voiced that to me now to and can tell me more of what’s happening. Sorry for the long reply just trying to explain the best I can.

Thanks again everyone , please no I’m not letting this lie about my daughter I’ve had a meeting before Easter and I’m considering moving nursery but just trying to find long term what’s best , I’ll ask for daily reports to. But they do seem to say she’s had a good day but then she tells me the opposite when asked st home so it’s difficult I think she hides it \ holds in her upset at nursery.

OP posts:
Fishcake15 · 25/06/2024 20:19

Koalabear240 · 14/04/2024 08:13

Good morning,

my 3 year old daughter has been having some issues with a little boy at nursery now for 4-5 months. I have only recently been made more aware of this as her speech is coming on leaps and bounds but she still couldn’t fully tell me what is happening until more recently. Nursery made me aware of some pushing a few times but nothing else, however I’ve found out recently that this boy relentless says things that aren’t nice to my daughter on all the days she attends plus pushes her / pushes scooters into her and take the toys she’s playing with .My daughter has never retaliated she just wants to play with him and she stands and takes this from him, she doesn’t tell teachers even tho I tell her to and they now tell her to, at first she used to cry when he did things and get upset but now she just stands and takes it, which is really sad. I’ve been to collect her a few times seeing her stood in a stare while he’s on in her ear saying things to her, I’ve also seen him push her and when I collect them when they are playing outside he purposely cuts her off infront of her so she can’t get to me. He’s also numerous times come up to me going “ your not her mummy” your not her mummy and laughing, which upset my daughter to .

I had a meeting with nursery after previously writing a post, they have said they are now not leaving them to play unattended together just incase he does anything and that they will closely monitor from now on and teach my daughter to “ stand up for herself “ and to tell him no when he does something that’s not nice and to go and tell an adult at nursery.

however she’s stil dreading going, she’s been off for 2.5 weeks for Easter and returns tomorrow , she’s had a brilliant time off and I’ve given her the heads up over the weekend that nursery is on monday to prepare her and she’s now gone very quiet and completely withdrawn, she keeps asking if this child will be there and she said she feels nervous to go, she’s also said she doesn’t want to go. When she does go since this boy started she now cries every day saying I don’t want to go to nursery and really doesn’t like going it affects her whole week. I am considering moving nursery but I don’t no what kind of setting would be best for her she gets overwhelmed and I worry another child in a larger setting may then do something to her and be in the same situation , I don’t no her her to go with a child minder or a large nursery ( she’s in a small setting of 10-15 children currently) that she really enjoyed going to and settled in well until this boy started there 5 months ago and it’s gotten worse and gone down hill since.

my other issue is the school she would attend not this year but the next September 2025 this boy is potentially going to same school … my older child is in that school and has an EHCP so not easy to move him as he’s autistic. Other near school are also miles away, so I’d potentially have to fully move as well as move the kids school.

Any advise on what you would do please. As I’ve said as soon as I new what was happening I’ve had a meeting with nursery and I’ve told my daughter she does not need to play with this child and that to tell an adult if he does anything , I’ve also asked nursery if they’ve made parents aware the extent of what the child is doing to my child but haven’t yet been told.

I think it’s difficult because she seems to just put up with it so nursery think it’s ok, when it’s quite the opposite.

Many thanks

Give the little shit a telling off in the style of Ricky Gervais in Afterlife! (I'm half joking). But seriously...aren't the Nursery speaking to the other child's parents about this? It's not on.

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