Anxious about 3yr old starting nursery in April

[Eyelashwishes]

Just a bit of background, my mum is a childminder and I work for her business. So my son has been coming to work with me since he was 5 months old, is very well socialised and has been left with close family, but primarily has been with me or my husband since he was born.

He's due to start nursery in April and I just want to burst into tears everytime I think about it. I'm just finding it ridiculously hard. He's quite sensitive and very attached to me, so I'm worried he's not going to adjust very well and that the first morning is going to be traumatic for us both! I've tried preparing him way ahead of time for it. He knows he will be going on his own and that I can't stay there with him. I've been reading books about nursery to him and talking really positively about it to him and he brings it up in conversation to me sometimes about things he might do at nursery etc but always says he doesn't want to go because I can't come.

The nursery we've picked is attached to the school he will be going to, so any little friends he makes will likely be going up into the school with him so hopefully will make that transition a little easier. But the nursery doesn't have any settling sessions, only an appointment where me my son and my husband can go and visit and meet the teachers with him. This is for 30 minutes and is literally the day before he starts.

I'm just looking to see if anyone has any advice for me to feel less anxious about it, some positive stories about their children going to nursery and maybe anything I could try to make it as easy as possible for him?

I’m sure he’ll be fine! It’ll be really good for him- even if he does take a while to settle in and get used to it.

There might be a few tears at first but you must know from working as a CM yourself that children adapt very quickly to change.

Im sure the nursery will update you and let you know how he’s getting on. Many put a few photos online to reassure parents.

Stay positive and don’t let him pick up on your own anxiety.

This is a rite of passage- he’s going from the baby stage of needing his mum all the time to a little independence!

I’m a SAHM and my DS was attached to me, we did everything together. I was a mess leading up to him starting nursery, absolutely dreaded it. Everyone warned it would take a while for DS to settle. It took him about 4 sessions to settle, he cried so much till he realised it was bloody fun there and I was coming back.
Now he runs in saying byeee!

It’s ages away to a 3YO. Stop mentioning it until the week before. You don’t need to build it up into this massive thing for him. It’s something very normal that most 3YOs do. Also is everything ok? It’s a really extreme reaction to be bursting into tears every time you think about it. You work in the sector, what would you say to an anxious mum? Logically you must know the kids get used to the separation very quickly. Also the settling as you’ve described is normal for a school nursery. The staff are pros, the vast majority of kids are absolutely fine with it, and the tiny minority that are not (it was literally 1 out of my DS’s class of 18) they made an exception and mum allowed to do longer settling. Both my kids have done it and they loved it from day 1! Getting them to sit nicely for circle time or listen to the sports teacher was more of a challenge but never settling 🤣

@smileyclare thank you. You're right, it will be good for him, he really loves being with other kids so I know he will make friends. It's the whole reason I've applied to have him go there because I could have just kept him with me until school, but I know he will enjoy it eventually. Its just the initial settling in im really dreading. Maybe it's just that I'm finding it hard that he's growing up and I have to let him go!

@tanya24, thank you, that made me feel like I'm not the only one! That's lovely to hear that he didn't take too long to settle and loves it now. Hopefully my little boy will be the same 🤞🏻 I just hate the thought of him crying and me not being able to comfort him 😢

@intherainonatrain I know it's ages away but I know my son, and I know that preparing him for things actually means he adapts better. We talk about his friends that go to a nursery and when it's on TV or in the books he has, I'm not just bringing it up obsessively! He's highly sensitive and also shows some signs of ASD, but not enough yet to get an assessment. Yes everything is OK, I have however just had my 2nd baby so of course my emotions at going to be a bit heightened. I understand what you're saying about working in the sector, but unfortunately that means I have also seen/heard a lot of stories about some childcare providers not being quite as they seem on the face of things. So while I've loved it whilst we visited and all the teachers seemed lovely and I've heard people say great things about it, I still find it hard that I have to trust complete strangers with my child. I'd like to hope that because of this I am very understanding with any of our anxious parents and send them multiple updates, photos/videos of their children throughout the day to reassure them, but I obviously know a nursery can't do this. I've also seen children who both settle quickly and some that genuinely take months