Am I overthinking?

[RustyCutter]

This is a long waffle, please bear with me:

My little one will be 2 next week. I returned to work when the little one was 11 months old and the little one was at a childminder. The childminder had two assistants and approx. 9 children. The majority of children are neighbours and my little one knows them all. Suddenly the childminder packed up the business - I found out from my next door neighbour and wasn't given a formal notice. It was a very emotional time.

I contacted over 56 childminders and a couple of nurseries. This was during Christmas and I put down a deposit for a local nursery I wasn't overly keen on but to have something better than nothing. I since then found another nursery which I was very impressed with.

My little one had settling sessions the first week of January. Was fine. The 2nd full day the following week, my little one cried at drop off and was emotional at the end of the day seeing parents collecting other kids whilst waiting for me to turn up. The crying at drop offs continued everyday (for reference my little one is at nursery 3 full days per week). It was very hard to see and I was emotional in the car each time, first thing in the morning so feel affected. The past 3 full days, little one has not cried but wasn't overly happy and excited to go in nursery. Throughout the day, little one may be emotional on and off though this is not on a daily basis.

It's a difficult drive to and from the nursery. It's only 5 miles each way but it's taking 25 minutes each way. And I have to travel into London once every 2 weeks - the nearest station is where I live so I have to drop little one off, come back to where I am to get the train so traffic is horrendous. I've tried so many different routes and they are all awful. Little one is fine in the car but starts getting upset when walking up to the nursery.

I've raised this with the nursery and they've said the issues could be because it's a new environment and little one is one of the oldest child in the group. After little one's birthday next week, little one will then be moved to the next group up (2-4 years old).

I still have a space at the original nursery near home. 5 minutes drive each way. Little one knows at least 4 children that attends the local nursery and two of them were from the same childminder. Will they help little one to settle and enjoy nursery?

Just to add my little one is confident, outgoing and rarely cries. This whole experience has thrown me because I've not had this issue at the childminder the whole year little one was there.

Have I made the wrong decision? What are your views on this situation? Am I overthinking it? Any advice and guidance greatly appreciated.

Unless you have fundamental concerns about the local nursery ie safeguarding concerns I'd definitely go for the local nursery. The journey to the better one (which is subjective anyway) is a lot 2 x a day for you and for little one. If he knows other children there that's better as well imo, and you might have more support from the parents for playmates etc if you'd ever want to.

My DS went to a local nursery after a year / 18 months with a childminder, he cried every day (having never cried when being left anywhere else). I put it down to new environment etc. After a few months he started a preschool else where one day a week. He never cried once, loved being there and then at three started school nursery and again settled with no issues.

I massively regret keeping him in that nursery for around a year. What ever it was he never enjoyed it or settled. My point being is trust your instinct, if this is out of character, try elsewhere. Can you do some settling sessions at the local nursery without giving up your place at the current one?

Separate out the things:

• DC not settling/seeming unhappy. This is very normal when starting nursery. I think it's too soon to read anything into it. The timing is unfortunate that they have to move rooms so soon, but I don't think you'll really be able to tell how things are going until after six weeks in the new room

• Logistics. Is it manageable? Can you live with it? There's no point in adding more pressure into the day

• the nursery nearer home - why were you not keen on it? Can you discuss those concerns with other parents?

It sounds like you are leaning towards to other nursery, which is understandable, but you need to be happy with it.

It’s 5 minutes from your house. Take up the place you have locally- this seems like a no brainier to me! Your journey sounds awful.

If you know other dc who attend, chat to their parents for feedback on the nursery?

Your LO will be moved to a different room in her current nursery anyway so it’s a good time to change.

Prepare yourself for some tears when you change. At 2 years old it’s natural for children to cry and suffer some separation anxiety at a new setting.

No concern at all. The setting and the staff are all wonderful. Little one sees the kids for play dates that goes to the local nursery almost weekly because we live very close to each other (2 minutes walk max) and one of them used to live next door to me.

The local nursery requires two months' notice for any circumstances. If little one goes for settling-in sessions there, and it doesn't work out for whatever reason then I have to pay two months' notice. I still have to pay for the two months anyway because the little one is not there and I paid a deposit to reserve a space before Christmas. I worry little one may behave the same at the local nursery? I know no one can foresee anything.

I do not want to come across as snobbish.

• The local nursery moved twice in a short space of time (12 weeks) and recently merged with another nursery that doesn't have a good reputation. The location is on the edge of a very rough council estate.
• They have not been OFSTED inspected yet.
• I requested a meeting with the manager just before Christmas explaining I was feeling very anxious and want to iron out my concerns. I came to the meeting with a list of questions and she was so cold. There was no warmth and reassurance. I broke down in front of her and again no comfort. Just 'it's all normal, I understand, blah blah'.
• Another mum I'm close to explained that the manager is very young - in her mid-20s, no kids and with all the problems of moving twice and merging have caused cluster seizures so she's not in the best of health.
• Two mums can relate to my concerns but they don't have any other choice, they both need to be near the station to commute to London. Same reasons as me. However one of the Mums applied for a preschool therefore her little one will only be at the nursery until the end of August so it's something that can be put up with for 8 months whereas my little one need to stay until August next year.

Can we live with it? Yes and no. My husband's temporary job is coming to an end this month and a new job he was offered finishes late so I will be solely responsible for the drop offs and pick ups. My commute into London fortnightly will be then difficult.

I am all over the place to be honest and do not know what to do. Little one was fine at drop offs for three days in a row and I thought this was a sign to being comfortable until this morning, little one was hysterical at drop off and it broke my heart.