DD not speaking at nursery

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My DD has just turned 3 and is quite confident and friendly. Not shy, and talks a lot at home. She also talks a lot when we're in groups, and loves making friends with other kids. She doesn't talk so much with adults aside from those she is very close to.

Nursery tells me she is really shy and doesn't speak there. Not even to ask to go to the toilet (she waits until she is asked), and not to ask for water or anything. I'm confused. I took her to her Christmas party there yesterday and she was so confident and chatty. She knows all the kids really well (it's a small nursery), and she has friends, as far as 3 year olds can! She loves the staff there, and tells me she loves nursery. Any ideas why she is a completely different person there? She's been there for 4 months now.

My DN was like that in nursery & school due to selective mutism. They even gave her a sign to hold up when she needed the toilet because she wouldn’t speak, although she wouldn’t even hold the sign up because then the teacher would speak to her! What is your DD like around other adults and people she doesn’t really know?

Hugely confident and outgoing now though.

Well that's good to hear! She's generally confident and quite outgoing. Sometimes shy around adults she doesn't know, but not always. Never been clingy and always quite confident. Never ever had a problem dropping her off. Maybe it's a matter of time...

Has anyone else had any similar situation to this that has either resolved itself if you did something to help?

That was me - I was fine with close family and children. But at nursery, school i found talking to adults or in-front of others crippling. I was shy and would go very red with nerves if I was forced.

Im 45 now and recently had to give a reading at my Nans funeral - I didn’t go red - nailed it. Buts taken years to over-come. I still get moments at work of blushing but definitely more in control.

Growing up I was just forced into suituation (don’t recommend that approach) I hate it as it’s all consuming to try and get the words out. I eventually had CBT - that’s what helped the most fill my tool box up!

just give it time, I find overtime I get confident with people just not straight away.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/selective-mutism/

From that link:

Do not accept the opinion that your child will grow out of it or they are "just shy".

I have a friend who's daughter exhibited the same (selectively mute). She's has early intervention from speech and language and a lot of support starting school nursery. I think you need to act on this

My DS was the same at nursery. We never figured out why. It completely changed at school - he's in Reception now - and never shuts up. His teacher was most confused when I asked her after a week or so whether he'd managed to say anything. I think nursery just became a place that he didn't talk and stayed like that (even when he was perfectly capable of doing so). I suspect that they made a big fuss every time he said the odd word and he hated it.

My DD was the same at nursery- it was selective mutism (or situational mutism is a better term as how the child speaks is dependent on the situation they are in). I would keep an eye on it as if it is SM it is best dealt with when young. My DD did speak at primary school, although always described as "very quiet" so I didn't seek help. Now the mutism has reoccurred at secondary school and it seems to be much harder to get help for older children. I wish I had sought more advice when she was young.