How do you know if a nursery isn't right for your child?

[stressedoutmama95]

Hi!

How did you know if the nursery your child goes to just isn't right? I have this niggling feeling that something isn't quite right but I don't know if that's just me- tend to be a pessimist and quite an anxious person.

Key worker is great. Other staff in the room seem friendly enough. DD cries at drop off. Have had to go back a few times to drop off bits and she has been crying- have never let her catch sight of me, In photos she always looks miserable. Barely eats and drinks.

Have had a few other issues such as them not following the staff ratios.

DD is almost 19 months, has been at nursery for about three months now. Always feel sad when dropping her off and can't wait to pick her up but I don't know if this is just me and I just need to stop stressing.

Crying at drop off is completely normal, but it would bother me that she is always crying at other times too (unless it was straight after drop off? Eg you've immediately realised you've forgotten something and retraced your steps?).

Maybe she would be better suited to a childminder setting if that's an option for you?

Thanks @MilkChocolateCookie. It's been about an hour or so after as had to go home. I know she definitely hasn't seen me and I have heard her crying as I approach the door. I'm don't think she is crying the whole day but just makes me feel so sad

I had a gut feeling like this about the first nursery I sent my daughter to, and I told myself I was an anxious parent, but actually I wasn’t wrong. I remember watching her through the window in the door when I’d popped back to drop off some wellies, and she was just crying and crying. I don’t think that’s normal.
Other kids seemed happy there and the staff were ok but it just didn’t suit her and was too noisy and chaotic, the mix of ages wasn’t good for her.
I ended up switching to somewhere else and I just always got a better vibe there. She still cried at drop off (every bloody day) so at first I thought it was stupid to have moved her - but they always assured me she was fine within five mins and I believed them because a) she came out happy and b) chatted at home about what she’d been doing and the other kids she’d been playing with. Also I could tell the staff just cared more. Over time I felt happier and happier with the nursery and I sent my second child there too.
Crying at drop off is really normal and will always happen sometimes (my DD still does it and she is nearly 4), but she shouldn’t be crying at other times on a regular basis. Personally I’d say trust your gut and move her if she is that unhappy.

I'd agree with PP, this setting doesn't suit her. Crying at drop off is hard but normal, but consistently crying at other times, not eating or drinking properly beyond the first couple of weeks would worry me. What do the staff say about how she's settled and what her day's been like? I'd also be concerned that you're not getting happy photos or absorbed-in-play photos (both of mine look quite serious when they're concentrating).

Agree crying is normal at drop off but I wouldn't say so every day 3 months later?
Not eating, crying throughout the day, sad on photos wouldn't feel right to me.

Trust your gut.

Trust your gut, can you look after her a bit longer or else change nurseries

Could you have a trial session at another nursery? We had to change nurseries due to a house move and my son never settled at the second nursery even though it was well regarded. We did a trial session at another nursery in the same chain and even at the taster session he seemed happier with the staff and engaging more with the other children.

Sounds like she's really miserable there if she's crying when you go back tbh.

Totally agree with others, trust your gut/mother's intuition. You don't sound at all overly anxious to me.

I'd have her out of there. You're not overly anxious, this is your instinct telling you that she's not ok, and you don't need to push through that feeling, listen to it.

Just to add weight- i agree with others. I've seen a lot of posts saying crying at drop off is normal (even if it carries on for months), but it sounds like this isn't an ideal setting for your LO. My DS2 was always unhappy and crying at nursery drop off (despite being a very confident and outgoing boy normally), and despite the staff saying he was fine, he never settled in. I moved him to a local pre-school, and never looked back - he loved it from day 1. Try a different setting - a childminder is often ideal if you can find a good one!