Confident 3 year old now anxious since starting nursery

[Oliviera1996]

My 3 year old started nursery last week and it's not been good.

He is the most confident, sociable and laid back child normally and was so excited about going to nursery. He had an hour settle the week before and loved it. In fact he didn't want to leave.

Fast forward to last week when I got a call 2/3 days saying he had cried the majority, if not all of the session and could I come and collect him earlier.

He went in fine all 3 days and when he was collected he was fine.

He's now developed a nervous facial tic and says he doesn't like nursery and that's it's no fun and the ladies aren't kind. He's never been a clingy child and he's not crying for me even at his normal classes such as football.

I've asked him if anything has happened and he doesn't really say much apart from he wants mummy. He did mention one child shouted at him and told him he was a bad boy.

I don't know what's gone wrong or what has happen to make him feel like this. I know I need to persevere and keep encouraging him to go and I always speak positively about nursery but he says he doesn't want to go. I also realise it's very early days but it's just so unlike him and it's changed his behaviours even when he's not there.

Any advice?

Gosh, that's hard. For what its worth I don't think you do have to persevere (although obviously if your work situation requires him in childcare that's a separate issue). What's your gut feeling about the place and the effect it's having on him? I think that's the most important factor here as you're the one who knows him best.

I'm not sure OP. Nursery is new, and there are likely to be different expectations of him there than at home, or those expectations are presented in a different way. Eg I know nursery use phrases like “kind hands” and “listening ears” which I don’t. I also know they do a hello time where they are expected to sit down and take turns to say hello. He’ll also be “on” all day, learning the routine and trying to adhere to their rules. It’s natural that when they’re at home in their safe place they let their guard down after a long day. It’s also natural he picks up things, good and bad, from nursery. That said, crying for the entire session is a lot and sounds sad for your son. Changes to his behaviour on non nursery days when he’s not tired also strange but DS started much younger so I’m not sure I can speak from experience there.

Agree with PP to trust your gut. I agree I wouldn’t pull him out after a week/3 days. But don’t rule it out if it doesn’t improve.

@FortofPud @PurBal

The nursery and staff both get a good reputation from everyone I've spoke to who's kids have been or know someone who's kids go there.

It's a large, modern nursery and we chose it because it was quite busy which we thought would suit my son as he would have lots to do.

It had a very large outdoor area too and I asked my son if he's been playing outside and he said no? Not sure how true this is or not but I thought this would be right up his street.

I've said to my husband if things don't improve this week I'll request a meeting with the staff to see what's going on. I don't know what triggers him or if he's made any new friends. The chats I've had so far have bend brief or second hand information.

It's just so hard as I thought he would love it and it's sad to watch him deteriorate so much.

You deffo have to give it more time.

Whilst they are excited for nursery, it is pretty scary once they're in.
Adapting to new people, new routines, new rules.

It took my son 6 weeks to settle and there's still days he says he doesn't want to go but I know he absolutely loves it.

I would ask them what triggering him

There is often a settle period because things are new. The staff are unfamiliar, the children arent yet his friends. New routine and environment. Just like us starting a new job in an unfamiliar field.

If he is still struggling in two or three weeks I'd then dig a bit deeper. Number of days attended can also influence things - one day a week will take him longer to adapt, five full days might exhaust him.

No advice as such but the nervous tics would worry me. Some nurseries have these online platforms where they give regular updates during the day about what the kids doing, even sending pictures etc, do they have that? If I was you, I may think of finding another place if I see no improvement in the next few sessions to be honest. Good luck x