Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

Flip

Original poster

Will this affect how dd is treated at nursery?

20 replies

Justtwosecondspoppet · 09/03/2008 21:47

I've had a bit of a "situation". My dd adores one of the niursery nurses at her preschool. She is perm in the pre-school, and doesn't do any other age groups, so is there 8-6 every day. However, she is very young and asks some inappropriate questions occasionally. We had a party at xmas and she asked if her nephews could come as they were having probs at home and their mum had just had another dd. The nursery is a cliquey, and most parents wouldn't choose to go to a party with the lady in question's family (god I sound so snobbish!) but of course I agreed and they arrived, but the atmosphere at the party was decidedly strained and we weren't invited to any parties for 3 months afterwards. Dd's b'day party arrives, all children are invited and rsvp, numbers are given to party place the week before, and then, during preschool the day before the party nursery nurse asks if she can bring her nephews. I say no, numbers are already given in, sorry, and so she brings them anyway at said date and time (found out from the invite as she gave them out) and then finds out two kiddies couldn't come. She then says "well, nephews can come up to party room then" and I say no. Decidedly strained conversation doesn't even come into it-she actually cried! Argh! Do I have to move nurseries? There are only two members of staff up there in the preschool room, dd's life could be hell and I need to know that nursery is a safe, fun place to be! Help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

arfishy · 10/03/2008 00:50

So you're saying that the other parents look down on this nursery nurse's family and that when you let her bring her nephews to a party you held you were effectively blanked by the other parents for 3 months?

And that this nurse invited her nephews to your party and even after saying no she still turned up with them?

Out of interest why did you say no when they had turned up?

annh · 10/03/2008 14:24

Why on earth would she turn up to your dd's party, either with or without her nephews? I think you need to speak to the nursery manager as she seems to be overstepping the boundaries of what you are comfortable with.

Having said that, from your brief description of the other parents at your dd's nursery, "cliquey" is a mild word to describe their attitude.

Original poster

Justtwosecondspoppet · 10/03/2008 15:51

Arfishy-she had asked me the day before the party during nursery time whether she could bring them, and I said no then, but she brought them anyway, so I re-iterated the no when all the children had finished on the play equipment and then went upstairs to eat-I didn't tell them to go home or anything, I just thought that her assuming that I would invite them up to eat with the other children was a bit of a liberty. I know I sound horrid but my dd had never met these children before, I didn't see why I should let them go up when there were two younger siblings of friends that were attending the party that could have the two spare plates of food instead of having to sit downstairs with their dads while the mums went up with the older one. I don't think all the parents look down on her family, but they wouldn't choose their children to play with them as they fight and swear.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justtwosecondspoppet · 10/03/2008 15:55

Oh god I sound like such a snob and I'm not, I just don't want to have to justify myself to the nursery nurse all the time as to why her nephews can't come when we don't even know them, and it means that the other parents think that dd and I aren't "the sort of people they want to come and play", so we never get any playdates and I feel like a leper! The nursery is so convenient and good apart from that. I can't wait until she starts school and all this is behind us!!

OP posts:

nurseryvoice · 10/03/2008 18:43

SPEAK TO THE MANAGER.
ask her to be discrete but to have a chat with her staff about professionalism and overstepping the mark.

goingfor3 · 10/03/2008 18:47

Justtwosecondspoppet the nursey nurse is in the wrong. She shouldn't have asked you if she could bring her nephews and certainly shouldn't have turned up at the party after you said no. I agree that you need to talk to the nursery manager. This has nothing to do with the behaviour of the boys the NN is being unproffesional.

ruty · 10/03/2008 18:54

well she is being unprofessional and you should have a word with the manager. A bit appalled though at the general attitude of the parents you describe, who are happy to have a certain kind of person look after their children for the majority of the week but not to socialise with her or her relatives.

wheresthehamster · 10/03/2008 18:57

Sounds like a nursery from the Twilight Zone. I can't work out whether the nurse or the parents are more weird. Or the op is suffering from paranoia or this is another challenge thread

ruty · 10/03/2008 20:28

oh no, is it?

morningpaper · 10/03/2008 20:31

I've no idea why you want a playdate with these awful judgemental people. I would cross the road to avoid them.

colditz · 10/03/2008 20:36

God, what a horrible way to have to live. Worrying about what your peers think of who you have invited to your child's party? How old are these harridans, 15?

How very nouveaux.

arfishy · 10/03/2008 23:23

It does all sound a bit awkward. The other parents sound very judgy and the nursery nurse seems a bit odd tbh.

I would probably be thinking of changing nursery, I would be uncomfortable with the nurse now and worried about how she would treat my DD. I would also be pretty upset about being blanked by the other parents for inviting 'unsuitable' children to a party (which was a kind gesture on your part).

I probably would have let them come up and eat though, but would have fumed inwardly about having my hand forced like that.

windygalestoday · 10/03/2008 23:31

im a nursery nurse and it took many many invites before i even attende any of my charges prties and that was only because they offered to pay me....i was embarrased that theyd offered to pay me cos the child wanted me there and went voluntarily lol ....i am now a sahm and still see many of my old charges in fact my sons go to school with them NEVER would i behave the way this nursery nurse has done and if shes doing it with you how many other parties are her nephews attending?
speak to the nursery manager this is unprofessional ....btw i dont like the sounds of the cliuey mums and you saying you felt like a leper...

TotalChaos · 10/03/2008 23:33

the nursery nurse sounds distinctly odd and unprofessional, the other parents sound hideous and snobbish. How much longer does your DD have to go there?

Original poster

Justtwosecondspoppet · 11/03/2008 02:51

He he, I promise it's not a challenge thread! Dd is there until June, so not too much longer. She adores all the children there, and it is a very good nursery, it is a "feeder nursery" (what will they think of next!) to some v good private prep schools, but we have put dd's name down for our state school as it is wonderful, and think we may be oddities due to favouring good state schools over private ed, it may not just be the party thing that has caused a slight rift. All was ok with nursery nurse today-I told a little white lie and said that they had missed one of the kiddies off the list so there was only one space upstairs and so it wouldn't have been fair to separate the nephews, and dd ran straight to her this am and seems to have had a lovely day, so all seems quiet now! Think she has done it to a few mums before, the manager gave a look of "not this old chestnut!"

OP posts:

arfishy · 11/03/2008 05:42

Nicely resolved . If it's only until June and the nurse fell for your cover-up then I think you'll be ok.

mumofhelen · 11/03/2008 11:25

Bring her nephews!!!???? Odd, very odd. For my dd birthday, I sent out 30 invites, 12 responded but 25 turned up to dd party. A couple of members of staff came along and brought along siblings too but not extended family!

I think overstepping the mark on a social-interaction level is certainly the case!

RahRahRachel · 11/03/2008 11:33

She is being unprofessional - probably due to her age if she's quite young. Speak to the manager about it, but maybe also stress how much you and your dd like her!

However, the parents at this nursery sound hideous

Original poster

Justtwosecondspoppet · 11/03/2008 11:36

Thank goodness I'm not over-reacting to it all and other people find it weird too-she does try really hard with the children and is a lovely lady so I do feel guilty, but at least I have no need to do another party now until dd is at school, so I won't have the probelm again! Thank you all for making me feel less insane! xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Justtwosecondspoppet · 11/03/2008 11:41

And as to the mums we don't have to deal with them after June either-hurrah! The children are all so gorgeous though-really loving and friendly, so I don't think dd realises that we are not invited to others' houses as all the children get on really well, she never brings it up anyway and is the sort of child that asks me about things that she finds strange. Thank you all again xx

OP posts:

Flip