Feeling judged by other parents…

[CyberFirefly]

Our son has attended two nurseries so far in his short but very sweet little life. The first nursery was good in some aspects but management was awful and unprofessional which lead to us changing his nursery.

Now, we don’t have any issues with the new nursery, but my partner and I have noticed the same thing in both nurseries, the other parents being incredible rude and snooty towards us. Most of the parents that attend the nursery are either in their mid-30s or older. I am yet to see parents in our age range.

To give the post some context, me and my partner is in her early 20s and I am mid-20s. I’ve just finished my master’s degree and I am a qualified primary school teacher. My partner is in her final year doing accountancy and will be pursuing a PGCE after to become a secondary maths teacher.

Is there a negative notion towards young parents? If you’re an older parent, what’s your thoughts on this? Are we looking into this too much?

How much interaction do you have with other nursery parents that this is even an issue? Do you not just turn up, collect child and go?

Are we looking into this too much?

Yes.

They're just dropping/picking up their kids and wanting to get to work/home as soon as possible. No-one gives a shit about you, your age or your academic qualifications. You're way overthinking it.

Always better to attribute things to cock up rather than conspiracy.

In this case I’d assume that they’re all too wrapped up in trying to survive the joys of FT work with preschoolers to even notice anyone they don’t already know!

What does how you earn a living have to do with anything? I find this part of your post quite strange.

Maybe they're snooty because they just are, or maybe they're picking up an unfriendly vibe from you both?

No-one here can really tell you I'm afraid but try not to let it bother your. Just pick up/drop off and get on with your day.

Judged how? What are they doing that makes you believe they’re judging you?

I’m 24 and the kid’s dad is 27. I do a lot of drop offs/picks up and no one gives a shit about me. They’re just there to pick up their kid and I’m guessing it’s the same at the nursery your child goes too?

I also forgot to add, maybe you’re expecting drop offs/pick ups to be this big social thing where all parents speak to you and ask how your kid is. I barely say hi to other parents because I just cba

This

Can you give some examples of the rude and snooty behaviour? I don't think I paid all that much attention to my fellow nursery parents when my kids were at nursery. Certainly not enough to try and guesstimate their age and/or profession!

Having completed 4 years of nursery for our oldest, and now the youngest has another 2.5 years. I've never given a single thought about another parent there beyond saying hi to those we've had playdates with, or admiring kids dress up or new babies. I work full time with 2 small children, neither of whom sleep through the night - other parent's age etc is not on my radar.

How are you even having enough interaction with the other parents to get this kind of vibe from them? When DD was at nursery it was a 2 min in and out for drop off and pick up. I might give another parent a small 'hi we're both humans here at the same time and social convention tells me I should recognise that' smile or nod, but there was no discussion.

After 3 years of nursery, I still couldn't tell you the names of any of the parents in DS class. I could recognise about 3 of them but most of them I barely noticed or thought about.

Honestly yes I think you're overthinking. Perhaps you're already on the defensive thinking they're all so old compared to you?
You're more likely to connect with other parents at school. Our school friendship group goes from (age at birth of child) 19 to 40. Literally one could be the other ones child. Some work some don't.

Just smile and say "morning" or "hello" every time

I would guess that you are overthinking this, unless you have specific examples of their rude behaviour?

In the nicest way, I’m really not interested in socialising at drop off as I juts want to get my kids into nursery as quickly as possible with as little fuss as possible. Pick up again I’ve had a long day and just want to k ow that my kids have had a good day and then get home so I really think you’re overthinking this unless someone has actively said something insulting to you!

What a sad state of affairs that people are so open about the fact that they're so wrapped up in themselves that they "cba" to just smile and say hello to other parents at nursery. When I first took my child to nursery I found the parents to be standoffish to the point that they would stare at the ground rather than just smile and say good morning. Nobody's asking for your life story, but a little courtesy and friendliness surely can't hurt.