Toddler new to nursery, but not settling 3 weeks in - is this unusual?

[Dee198600]

Hi, I am hoping for some advice please!

My little boy is 22 months old and started nursery 3 weeks ago. He only had 2 settling in days and they went so well (literally pushed the door open to get into the room and didn’t give me a second glance, had a fantastic day etc) that the nursery said he could start his usual sessions. These started off well for 2 weeks and then last week was a disaster. I received messages all morning to let me know that he was crying / distressed and that I may have to collect him. He settled eventually but I was informed when I collected him that he had been distressed for much of the day and that perhaps a less busy environment would suit him better.

i rang the next day and spoke to the manager, who during the conversation let slip that my son’s room was the busiest it had ever been that day and that whereas the two sessions before he had had one to one care while settling in, last week was the first time he had to share his key person with other children.

I understand of course that he can’t have one to one care all the time, but surely it will take a little adjustment when that is what he had been used to the previous 2 weeks and also given that the nursery was so busy that day? It may be that I have to look into alternatives, but surely 3 weeks is a little early to expect him to settle in completely, especially when the previous 2 weeks had gone so well?

I must admit I felt quite upset and do also wonder if the one day each week at nursery is too little time for him to be able to get used to the setting, but unfortunately they have advised they only have space for one day each week at the moment.

i am reluctant to start the process again as surely he will be a bit unsettled whilst he gets used to any new environment….

Thanks, Dee 🤗

1 day a week is hopeless and will take him an age to settle. Maybe see if any other settings have more hours for you. At his age most would do full time preschool or at the minimum 5 mornings a week.

My DD recently moved nursery, first two weeks she was fine and we all marvelled at how well she was doing and how it was like she'd always been there, and then it all changed and the four weeks after that were pretty tough. She's settled now and she wanders in without saying goodbye again!

That said, she does 3 days a week so by the Wednesday she was always getting back to fine again. One day a week does sound pretty tough.

Thank you for your replies; I agree he would be better off going for more than just one day and had been told when we signed up for the nursery that we would be able to increase hours / days from September, however I have now been advised that they have no more space until April 2024 - not ideal 😞! I wish I’d known this at the time as I had hoped to increase my days at work from 3 to 5 from sept.

i think we will have to look around at other options!

I would definitely be exploring other options. Firstly, one day a week for so long doesn't sound like it works well for you or your son. Secondly, suggesting the environment is too busy for him on the first day he experiences it being that busy does not sound good to me – for some reason, they aren't being sympathetic to normal toddler behaviour and reactions. Best case scenario is that they're thinking one day a week is going to make it hard for him to get used to it, they know they can't offer more for almost a year, and for some reason they've made an absolute pig's ear of explaining that.

For contrast, DD1 had a difficult time settling (started nursery after first lockdown, quite a shock to the system!), and 'relapsed' after covid prevented the usual gradual move between rooms. Not once did the nursery staff make me feel like she was in any way a problem – they very much treated it as she was a tiny child having completely understandable difficulties, and it was our joint job, as her parents and nursery staff, to figure out how to help her through it. (And she did get through it, we're now firmly in the category where she frequently forgets to say 'bye' as she dashes into the garden to play.)

Most preschools don't take under 2s. I'd say full time is unusual at this age. But agree that either 2 -3 full days or 2 or more mornings would probably help him settle.

I think it's normal that the novelty wears off and he realises he's stuck there all day without you etc, and it's too soon for him to be used to it yet. Odd that they are so keen to move him on though, without discussing other options for helping him - e.g. Doing half days for a while or you staying with him or a bit more attention from key worker. They can't give 1 to one care but there should be staff in the room just with the children, not doing lots of other jobs all the time, so if a child wants to stay close to them for most of the day that shouldn't be an issue. As they can't offer any extra sessions I'd look for somewhere else - settings do vary a lot in terms of group size etc.

More than one day a week is better, but it is also normal for them to have a bit of an unsettled phases a few weeks in even after a good start.