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Am I overthinking things

5 replies

sem1234 · 27/02/2023 15:06

My 1 yr old baby has recently started nursery 2 days a week due to me having to go back to work in a months time. I started her early so that she wouldn't have to jump straight in to long days. I am fortunate to have found a nursery that seems lovely and had a very generous settling in period of several sessions over 2 weeks. Whilst at these sessions, I was of course able to observe the other babies already there. Although generally the babies (8-12months) all appeared settled, I would notice on occasion that they might cry for a little bit and then stop, some would look a bit sad or 'dead behind the eyes' ( for lack of better words). I didn't feel like I saw any of them smiling/laughing really. I am not saying this is reflective of the nursery as the staff do appear caring but they also have to look after multiple babies and can't give that 1 to 1 time they would get an home ( i recognise this is not a realistic expectation).

My baby has been upset whenever I have dropped her off and they have said crying on/off whilst there for many hours. I recognise it is early days and settling in takes time. They have said they will call me if she gets too upset but have yet to do so. I guess what I am saying is am I overthinking things that their threshold of 'too upset' will be a lot lot higher than mine and that actually baby probably is very upset when she is there and if she stops crying for amounts of time it is ?out of exhaustion/ resignation . Am I overthinking things by thinking that nurseries generally portray things as more positive than then really are. It makes me think about when people say their young baby is happy at nursery - is the baby actually happy throughout the day or just subdued and coping on some level........

Hope that makes sense, think I am looking for reassurance really

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Twizbe · 27/02/2023 15:14

You're over thinking things.

Some of those babies will have siblings at home so are used to not having undivided 1-1 attention.

Cocopogo · 27/02/2023 16:01

You are definitely over thinking that being said of course at one year old they won’t have the same attention and the preference would be to be home until 2 or 3 but presumably if you could have done that you would have.

FlounderingFruitcake · 27/02/2023 16:07

Second and subsequent babies don’t always get 1:1 attention at home either. I think you’re overthinking it.

ineedafairygodmother · 27/02/2023 16:55

You are overthinking things OP

My DD started nursery 3 months ago, 1 day per week and still cries when I drop her there in the morning however as soon as the teacher takes her into the class and the door closes, the crying stops and she's smiling so I know that she's pulling at my heart strings. She also cries as soon as she sees me when I pick her up at the end of the day.... another guilt trip from her as I've stood at the door and watched her playing and smiling with the teachers/other children before she actually sees me and realises im there.
It will take time and every baby adjusts and settles differently but if you trust the nursery then trust them to call it your DC is too upset.

Ilikepinacoladass · 01/03/2023 08:51

I'd say go with your gut instinct!

My little one has been at a childminder since he was 14 months (now nearly 3) he's never cried at drop off and seems very happy there. She usually has 3 children with her, so not 1 to 1 but pretty close to it, plus she's a consistent presence, whereas from the sound of friends experiences keyworkers in nurseries often change / or leave. And it's a homely environment. She also takes them to playgroups/other trips out.

Is a childminder an option for you maybe?

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