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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Baby hates daycare - what can I do?:(

28 replies

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 00:08

My 7 months old started daycare a week ago. He seemed okay at first (shorter naps but it's to be expected). His days are Mon, weds, Fri.

Yesterday when I picked him up he seemed hysterical. At home he wouldn't settle and was screaming so much; after Panadol and nurofen making no difference I call the Drs.

It turns out he was extremely overstimulated. The nursery seems very full on when I walk in, so so loud and a lot going on. I don't know what to do - I go back to full time study/work commitments in March. I can't find a smaller quieter daycare and this is the only one available.

I'm thinking to do mornings with him at home and daycare for only 4 hours. Until March.

Does anyone have any advice? Feeling very deflated, and crap.

He's a clingy baby and wants to be held all the time. I was going daycare will help him more with independent play, but it seems it all backfired now as he was so distressed and woke up several times last night (normally sleeps 12 hours with no wake ups).

OP posts:

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Rickiticki · 24/01/2023 00:13

I’d delay if I were you. He’s not happy or ready for this.

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 24/01/2023 00:15

7 months is the hardest time for a baby to start nursery

Keep to full days and keep at it
Atleast for afew more weeks and see how he gets on

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 00:28

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 24/01/2023 00:15

7 months is the hardest time for a baby to start nursery

Keep to full days and keep at it
Atleast for afew more weeks and see how he gets on

Do you know why it's the hardest? Is 10 months easier?

OP posts:

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 00:29

Rickiticki · 24/01/2023 00:13

I’d delay if I were you. He’s not happy or ready for this.

Delay until March when I'm back into full time study commitments?
What do other parents do when they have no choice and go back to work at 6 months for example?

For context, we have no family nearby.

OP posts:

Rickiticki · 24/01/2023 00:34

Can you defer your study commitments after March?
I had no family support. Other mums also needed help so we shared childminding.

Winniethepig · 24/01/2023 00:47

Can you get a nanny? Is that an affordable option? We had the same issue at nursery and we decided to pull DD out and get a nanny.

However that was an affordable option for us. Best thing we ever did though.

Winniethepig · 24/01/2023 00:49

Do you know why it's the hardest? Is 10 months easier?

Generally they start getting separation anxiety. They realise they're separate from their mother and that she can leave.

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 24/01/2023 01:40

7 months is when separation anxiety can really kick in …

He needs to stay in ‘daycare’ from now
Apart from the fact that he may take awhile to settle, he is likely to catch loads of bugs and will need to stay home for some of the time

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 04:53

Rickiticki · 24/01/2023 00:34

Can you defer your study commitments after March?
I had no family support. Other mums also needed help so we shared childminding.

I'm likely to get kicked off my degree as I've already taken 6 months off post birth.
I've been stalling so many subjects I'm really behind, they're most likely only keeping me as I'm a high distinction student. Their patience is limited

OP posts:

Dontsparethehorses · 24/01/2023 04:56

is it worth seeing if any childminders have spaces? My very clingy baby did much better and it is a lot quieter more home like setting which might suit your baby more?

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 04:57

Winniethepig · 24/01/2023 00:47

Can you get a nanny? Is that an affordable option? We had the same issue at nursery and we decided to pull DD out and get a nanny.

However that was an affordable option for us. Best thing we ever did though.

As I'm studying it means no income from me, and full time nanny is £3.7k- the same size as our mortgage.

So husband will have to foot the bill for mortgage, full time nanny, and 3 people.
We could afford it but it'll take a LOT of our savings.

Daycare was a much more straightforward option ..:(

OP posts:

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 04:58

Dontsparethehorses · 24/01/2023 04:56

is it worth seeing if any childminders have spaces? My very clingy baby did much better and it is a lot quieter more home like setting which might suit your baby more?

Can we get childcare subsidy for them?

OP posts:

Dontsparethehorses · 24/01/2023 05:00

are you in the uk? If so then yes if childminder is ofsted registered you get same benefits as a nursery eg. Using the government hours/ tax free childcare scheme

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 05:10

@Dontsparethehorses in Australia. I didn't even think I could get subsidy for a childminder, naturally presumed it's only nursery..

OP posts:

Whatisthegoss · 24/01/2023 05:15

It is hard.
Adjusting & arriving to a centee with much going on.
I nearly threw it in back when we started.
Get talking to the teachers, they will surely want to help settle you both in.
Give time.
A daycare can be hectic to lovely and fun..
I would ask for help and expect your baby to be unsettled, if you decide on alternatives they may still be unsettled.
Your baby will settle eventually, I took weeks to as well as my baby pf the same age.
Thankfully we had a warm caring centre that was often busy but limited noise to a minimum.

Dontsparethehorses · 24/01/2023 05:16

Certainly worth exploring or asking the question? Childminders would know- sorry I’ve no idea about Australian childcare system. There might be other Australian based forums that could help or start another thread with that in title and see if anyone else knows?

DonnatellaLyman · 24/01/2023 05:17

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 04:53

Show quote history

Hopefully someone more knowledgable should be along but are you in the UK? If so this would be discrimination based on the protected characteristic of pregnancy/maternity and illegal. You should be entitled to 52 weeks statutory maternity leave (although not pay as a student). It is worth discussing with your SU welfare rep, NUS if you are a member or maybe pregnant then screwed?

Having said that, settling mine at 9m and 13m was also horrific…. I really think there are huge benefits to a nursery setting from 18m so it’s worth persevering, but that first bit is dreadful. Ofsted registered childminder would be another option that might suit a younger baby better and are usually similar price.

Good luck!

DonnatellaLyman · 24/01/2023 05:19

Just seen you are in aus - sorry I don’t know the law there but it’s awful you could be kicked off your degree for being pregnant!

Hazydayss · 24/01/2023 05:47

My little girl was extremely clingy as a baby 'lockdown'. When I went back to work she was 12 months old I put her with a childminder, which suited her best she has thrived so much, it took a while for her to be fully comfortable but it's worked out well. Will be putting her in nursery when she's 2.5 because i think she will be ready. Childminders are generally cheaper too.

It's really hard and distressing but he will settle soon enough, once he realises you are coming back for him. Its such a horrible time I hated seeing my little girl cry on drop offs, now she doesn't look back at me.

I feel your pain, hope it all works out well for you.

Patsnpons · 24/01/2023 05:48

If you are in Australia you are entitled to CCS if you use a Family Day Carer (Childminder) you are also able to access In Home Care (a nanny that comes to your home) if you can not access regular Childcare such as unsociable work hours/shift work, you can claim Child Care Subsidy for this.

Tumbleweed101 · 24/01/2023 07:42

How long are the full days?

I would do the half days to help him get to know the staff caring for him and the environment and then increase in March.

Winniethepig · 24/01/2023 08:16

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 05:10

@Dontsparethehorses in Australia. I didn't even think I could get subsidy for a childminder, naturally presumed it's only nursery..

Sorry didn't see you were in Australia til now. Is family day care an option? That's usually much nicer for babies and you can get the CCS for it.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/01/2023 08:21

Yes you can get subsidy for family day care in Australia. I’d try that in your shoes. It will be far less busy and more low key which sounds like what he needs

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 09:24

'You should be entitled to 52 weeks statutory maternity leave (although not pay as a student)'---

This is shocking as we only get 8 weeks off Uni post giving birth. I was expected to do hospital placements 8 weeks after birth. I went to a GP telling him I cannot be doing hospital placements lifting patients, when my vagina is still bleeding from second degree tears. He wrote me a letter excusing my from studies for 6 months. Thanks to summer holidays I managed to get 9 months off Uni.

But I won't get another letter excusing me from studies because they'll say 'why'? So I have to limp it and start placements in March.

I'm in my final year so I really don't want to quit now

OP posts:

Original poster

melcalfe · 24/01/2023 09:26

Tumbleweed101 · 24/01/2023 07:42

How long are the full days?

I would do the half days to help him get to know the staff caring for him and the environment and then increase in March.

I drop him off at 7.30am and pick him up at 4pm. I think I'll start dropping him off at 11am after his first nap? He sleeps well at home.

For those recommending family day care, unfortunately the only ones available have 1-2 day availability and I need Mon-Fri :/

OP posts:

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