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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Doomed from the start

14 replies

Mumstheword12345 · 14/01/2023 19:04

I have had a few sleepless nights over this…….
my boys had a home visit from their new nursery teacher. I thought it went well. At the start of their taster session I’m pulled into the office. I’ve been reported to the head mistress and family liaison. My house which is lived in (not a health hazard by any means) but not show home standard wasn’t up to scratch. The explanation of me studying for a degree, having this horrid cold/flu bug for six weeks and the kids one with croup and one with strep A (according to them all caused by my home)was not a valid reason. I am now dreading them starting on Monday. I feel that we have now been labelled as ‘scum’ and every little thing will now be scrutinised/reported. I feel I have let my boys down as well as myself by not being a super woman who can do it all. I know they have to do these visits but can’t they look beyond a bit of mess to see my beautiful boys are happy, clean, loved and fed and not a cause for concern?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AnotherAppleThief · 14/01/2023 19:08

Without wishing to be unkind, they see dozens upon dozens of homes, they will have a good idea about whats normal every 'behind with the housework' and a more serious concern. You're probably a bit blinkered by it all because you see it every day. Try and accept any help or signposting they offer you. Best wishes.

MysteryMoose · 14/01/2023 19:12

I disagree with the PP. They're teachers not social workers or health visitors, and there's every chance they've only seen that one-off snapshot when people 'put on a show' especially if you live in a middle class area. These home visits are a relatively new confection so even an older more experienced teacher might not have seen enough of a variety of homes, depending on what area you're in.
Having said that I do think you need to keep your house hygienic but only you will know what it's like as we're not in your house.

AmyandPhilipfan · 14/01/2023 19:14

What specifically was the 'bit of mess' that they were concerned about? I feel for you because as a foster carer I have unannounced visits from social services and I dread them because they're so subjective - one social worker might be fine with a bit of lived in mess while another has a go at you because a wastepaper basket is full (but not overflowing).

AliasGrape · 14/01/2023 19:16

I did home visits as a Nursery/ Reception teacher for many years and I can honestly say I was never there to check out the state of the homes, and mostly I wouldn’t even register that.

So either the nursery teachers have vastly overstepped their actual roles/ remit, or there was something particularly out of the norm about what they saw in your house.

knightsinwhitesatin · 14/01/2023 19:20

Am I missing something? When do nursery teachers / reception teachers visit homes? This is not something I’ve come across with my 4 year old

purpleme12 · 14/01/2023 19:26

Can you give a bit more detail about what it was like and what they said?

BromCavMum · 14/01/2023 19:29

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Is this normal now? I didn't have any home visits when my kids were at preschool/nursery. That was a decade ago. I really think this is overreach, a real intrusion into your privacy.

Original poster

Mumstheword12345 · 14/01/2023 19:30

The nursery is attached to a school so I guess they do the same things as when they start reception

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumstheword12345 · 14/01/2023 19:39

Apologies was doing bed time, yes I can, it was freshly hoovered yes the carpets need cleaning tend to try and do them before Christmas but didn’t as was Unwell, there was a wash in as well as the tumble dryer. The dining table had all my study stuff over it as doing an assignment. I hadn’t done the washing up from the night before and the kitchen bin needed emptying. There were some toys on the floor and in boxes, not organised just thrown in. the living room window and dining window had finger marks on it as well as nose prints from the dog. Tv unit and sideboard do need dusting. That was genuinely all it was. The bin was commented on as were the windows, lack of dusting, toys thrown into boxes, and washing up still being there. I HAVE to be somewhat sorted as we have house inspections every 6 months!!!

OP posts:

purpleme12 · 14/01/2023 19:55

Well it sounds ok to me. And I've had lots of people round visiting my house due to malicious reports. Sounds like mine. No one had a problem with mine

Nodancingshoes · 18/01/2023 21:48

Did you know they were coming? I only say this as maybe they thought if that was how the house was for an expected visit, would it be worse normally? If it was unannounced then if course they have been unreasonable - we all have days when the housework isn't up to scratch x

JennyWI · 21/01/2023 02:44

OH!! if thats messy they would be horrified by my house, theres pretty much always washing in the sink, laundry in the basket and Well I cant rembmer the last time I folded the laundy (I tend to just wear the clothes out of the dryer)

WandaWonder · 21/01/2023 02:48

I know health visitors do home visits but teachers or nursery staff?

Is this a private school special thing?

AliasGrape · 21/01/2023 08:30

Yes, it’s common and I’ve often done them both for Nursery and (less often, and not if they’ve been to school nursery) Reception children - however it’s supposed to be about meeting the child in their home environment so they see you as a ‘safe’ person, an opportunity for parents to ask any question or raise any concerns, and for teaching staff to chat/ play with the child a little and get a sense of them/ any support they might need/ anything that hasn’t cropped up on the paperwork but might be useful to know.

It isn’t about ‘checking’ the child’s home environment, judging it or trying to catch parents out. So, unless the home really was chaotic and posed a risk to DC in which case the correct approach would be to report concerns to safeguarding lead and then to appropriate other authorities as necessary, the staff in this case have massively overstepped.

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