I want to take kids away for a term but nursery is being difficult

[expatkat]

Probs with the marriage, big doldrums, a deadline that will never get met so long as I'm running a house and looking after kids in London: these factors (and more) are convincing me to up and move back to NYC for the spring term while I sort things out away from dh, who is not trying to stop me, though the whole idea is painful for him.

Both kids are in nursery school. The principal runs a tight ship and needs to know by tomorrow if we'll be back for the spring term. She says if we leave, there won't be places for them when we return. I was sad to hear this as we've been there for years and have a v. good relationship with her and the school.

Do I need to get specific about our reasons for leaving, so she knows I'm not running off on some extended holiday? I simply have no common sense when it comes to dealing with this sort of thing, plus my stress levels have gotten out of hand and I can't think straight. Any advice, anyone? This is a nursery school, by the way, for kids ages 2-5.

Expatkat,
I am assuming that the nursery has a waiting list and could fill the places with no problem? In which case, I think they are right to tell you that you will lose your place - sorry. My nursery is heavily oversubscribed and if I had taken dd1 out when I was on mat leave with dd2, I would not have got a place there when I needed to put dd1 back in again 6 months later.
Could you ask the nursery if they have anyone on their waiting list who just needs a place for a term? Or if you joined the waiting list now, could you get a place again for when you come back (you should by rights go to the top of the list for any possible places). The only other thing I can suggest is that you offer to pay some/all of the fees to keep the places open - after all, the nursery would be losing out if it has to keep the places open for you. HTH.

unless of course you are willing to pay for them to miss a term in full .. otherwise I also think the nursery is in the right .. sorry

and really sorry you're in the doldrums

Could you afford to cover their places for the missing term? An extravagance, I know, but if you are coming back then it will be an easier transition for the kids to go back to the nursery they know.

I am sorry you are having a tough time, I hope it works out.

and remember ... if you are taking kids away for a whole term when you come back they could join another nursery or you could get temporary childcare whilst you sort something out .. if they loved this place they'll love the next

don't let this small thing stop you from doing what you think is right for you and your family

Agree with TheHollyAndTheTwiglett. there are loads of other nurseries and if the time away is going to benefit you, and consequently your children - then you should do it.

Yes, of course you're all right, now that I think about it. I'm sure the principal thought it was highly presumptuous of me to say, "We definitely plan to be back for the summer term, but I'm not so sure about the spring term. . ." I should have thought that one through but, like I said, I really am crap at handling conversations like this one.

I guess I had no idea they had a waiting list. It's not a popular nursery at all and is considered to be the inferior one in the area, in fact. They've always seemed desperate for more kids--but clearly I've been misreading the situation.

Thanks for your advice. Warmum: I'll consider covering their places for the missing term, since ds could go to a v. good school for free in NY. It would be painful to have to do that, but maybe it's the best option . . .

Perhaps you could explain some of the circumstances as to your reasons why you would be doing this to the principal as you said you had a good relationship with her and the nursery - she may be sympathetic. My dd is at school but they like to know anyway if there are any problems at home in case it effects the child and there may be ways they can help.
Good luck hope things improve soon. xx

Hi, epk - I'm sorry too things are not so good for you atm.

Definitely explain to the head your reasons for wanting to go, that it's not just a holiday or you going off on a whim; if there isn't actually anybody waiting for a place, you could offer to pay a retainer - half usual fees maybe?

Oh, so sorry to hear your concerns are continuing, EPK. I really am. Hope you can persuade the nursery manager to help you on this one. Maybe you could agree to pay half as a retainer - but I can see that she has to balance the books.