Settling in session at nursery (hand hold)

[fizzysoda]

This is the first thread I've made on mumsnet so I hope I've done it right!

DS has had his first settling in session at nursery today. He's 11 months old. His key worker advised I stay for a little bit and if he settled I could leave and come back.

DS was a bit nervous when we first got there and cried for a minute or two but then did calm down and was playing. His key worker seemed lovely and managed to get a couple of smiles out of him so I did feel comfortable leaving him. I snuck off and he was so busy playing he didn't even notice I'd left the room. I waited a minute or two out of sight and he was still happy so off I went. But when I came back he was absolutely hysterical and doing that kind of cry where they can't catch their breath and sound like they're hyperventilating. It was heartbreaking seeing him so upset.

His key worker said he was happy crawling around and investigating for about half the time I was gone but then got upset and remained upset for the rest of the time, despite being held and comforted.

Just looking for a bit of a hand hold really and hopefully some positive stories of people who's babies have eventually settled?

It’s tough OP - offering you a hand hold! My DS started nursery this summer at the same age. He cried at drop-off for the first month or so, but his key worker said he was always fine after a few minutes. He’s very settled now and doesn’t cry at all and is mixing well with the other little ones, and I’ve noticed improvements in things like walking which I think come from spending more time with his peers.

you’re very early in the nursery process, it’s only Day 1, and I’m sure your LO will settle soon!

I echo PP, it's his first day - he'll be fine! My DD (now 14m), started nursery just after she turned 1 - she used to cry at drop off for the first few weeks but now loves it and gets so excited when I'm carrying her across the car park to the gate.

It's so hard! But honestly for his first day he's done great.

I would probably advise for you not to hang around, drop and go.

Please say goodbye when you go, it's an important part of the routine.

You shouldn't sneak off! I'm suprised the nursery staff let you. Very important you say goodbye and leave happy and cheery. Don't hang around, drop and run basically

Bless you. My first son cried at drop off for nearly a year! He was fine for the whole day after about 1 minute but hated me leaving. It was heartbreaking for a few months then I just got used to it. He was 2 when he started.
My second son had great settling in sessions, wasn't bothered I left etc but then cried at drop off for about a month, he was unsettled at nap time too. He was 11 months old when he started.
My 3rd baby is due to start in January when he will be 7 months old. I feel sick thinking about it as he's so clingy and cries even when strangers say hello! I feel your pain but persevere with it. I would suggest making sure you say goodbye to baby. I always made the point of saying "mummy will be back soon".
Best of luck x

I wouldn't sneak off, you will have panicked him - he thought he was playing safely with you close by and once he relaxed he'd have realised you'd disappeared.

In future make sure you say goodbye and tell him you will come back. You can practice doing that at home too - saying goodbye, leaving the room and coming back.
Once he's confident in you leaving and returning at nursery he will settle in.

I worked in nurseries for about 18 years so feel I can comment on this.
Firstly this is very normal so please don’t worry-however you just say goodbye to him. Next time go in, paint a smile on your face, don’t hang around as he needs to learn that nursery is his special place, give him a big kiss, say have a lovely time il see you soon and hand him to his key worker. Then walk out and cry if need be.
He needs to learn that you come back-once he has learnt this you will notice a massive difference. It may take 10 times, it may take 50 but he will learn in as 99% of children do.
Take care-and questions please do ask.

@fizzysoda Sounds exactly like my DS! How’s your one getting on now? I guess I’m after a bit of resssurance/hand hold! Feeling so sad and guilty atm! X

Aw it is such a hard transition putting them in nursery (for you and them!) sending you a hug!
My DS settled in really well in the end. He cried when I was dropping him off for a good few weeks, but I just kept upbeat and was consistent with how i said bye to him. I did feel so guilty but tried to fight back the tears so DS didn't get more upset (that was my theory anyway). Nursery always sent me a message/photo to say he'd settled fine after 5 mins or so and was happy. And he's always been happy when we collect him. I think he's just one of those kids who doesn't like good byes!
It does get easier, before you know it your little one will be settled in and hopefully will really enjoy nursery. My DS has so much fun there which helps with the mum guilt!