How much will it matter when DS becomes the only one of his age group in the nursery?

[justthis1s]

I'm really sad and panicking at the moment.

DS2 has been in the nursery since he's 18 months old. We started from two mornings and it took him about 4 weeks to stop crying at the drop-offs & pick-ups. It's a very small nursery with probably 20ish kids at peak time last year. But since this term, most of the big kids went up to school and those who are left behind aren't many. It became awfully quiet at pickup time (only 6 children sometimes). There are about 3-4 other children of his age group still around. But this week, I heard 3 of them are leaving after this term. I heard one mum told me she wants her little one play with children of their age, but just not many left at the moment. Obviously, even when there are new children joining in from next term, they would be much younger ones. I actually don't know if there's any other child of my DS's age will still be around from next term!

But I do trust and love most of the teachers whole heartedly - I knew them for many years and they genuinely care about each child.

As to DS's personality and preference, he has been happy there and does enjoy all the activities. But he seems to be on the very bright side, which made making friends tricky as he doesn't behave like a normal 3 years old. He's very selective on what he wants to do and he's not all that keen to make friends with kids of his age group either (maybe more want to play with older kids while they probably found him too young.) He's always seems to know what he wants exactly in his head and plans/works to make it happen (it sounds crazy for his age). So on the other hand, I think maybe the adult/children ratio going down is a good thing for him, as he would get more attention.

Lots of attention are focusing on the first 5 years for their development. I'm not sure what's the best thing to do now. We have a preschool really close which is rated Ofsted outstanding. But I didn't want to move him just for this last year, especially considering he took ages to settle down in the first nursery. But it really worries me now that he would have no one near his age to interact and to learn making friends (if ever!).

Sorry for being a bit rumbling all these details. But I do feel really sad for him at the moment and would love to hear some advice. 😭

Hard one!

How do you know the ones joining aren't his age?

For my child, I've kept him at his private nursery, granted it is bigger than yours but his happiness played a massive part in my decision to not send him to a school nursery.
He is happy, staff are amazing and I didn't want to take that away from him tbh.

Personally I would take him out. I work at a childminders and now that the older ones have left for school, we've only got 2 or 3 , three nearly 4 year olds and the other are two and under. It definitely makes it different, there's so much difference in how they play.

DS was in school nursery and when all his friends moved into reception he would have been left in a nursery class with children over a year younger than him. The HT agreed to him moving into reception a term early

I'd move him. Not only because I think he needs to be around more children of his age, but also because I don't think the nursery sounds viable. With the increase in cost of living and knowing how stretched budgets are I would worry about the nursery closing.

I moved my DS at 3 when most of his friends left his nursery and there didn’t seem to be many children his age suddenly. He was saying he wasn’t happy and he’d been ok before this. Found somewhere with a lot of 3-4 year olds and he was much happier. He did a year there and then moved to a school nursery - which seemed a lot of moves but he was fine.

Thank you for all the advices. It's a really hard one! I'm still waiting for DH back to ask him, but I suspect he'd say it doesn't matter and just keep him there as he's happy.

I talked with the teacher this afternoon at pick-up. She sort of admitted there wouldn't be kids of his age left once those three children are gone. But on the positive side, she will become DS's key worker. I do like her massively (firm but very warm) and feel it will be good for DS.

The preschool near ours cares a lot more children. I think they have probably 30+ kids in the morning sessions. The ratio would certainly be a lot higher than the current one. When I visited it last year, I didn't feel the vibe that the teachers there are as dynamic or warm as the current ones. But in my neighbourhood, most of the children are split between this preschool and the other one close to DS's future school. From recommendation level, I haven't heard people praise it in any specific way, just people say their kids are happy there. A friend of mine said she never heard much feedback from the teachers about her child, at least nothing particular/specific. But she's not sure if just because she didn't know how to engage with the teachers. So I do have some doubt which makes the decision extra hard.

@SunshineClouds1 , I do feel the same way. It's really hard to come by with some loving teachers who genuinely care about the children. I have an older son, who was moved nursery three times because of this very reason. It was this current nursery finally gave him a warm setting in the end.

@Mummyboy1 , I know what you mean. That's my fear too. DS has a very curious mind and when he was younger, he'd watch older children play and try to figure out what they were doing. Well, that's all gone now. Not mentioning any chance of pretended play or coopration with his peers.

@mdh2020 , I wish he's older and I might consider the same - he'd be ready for reception too. But he's on the younger side. No chance to squeeze in school really...

@Whinge , I don't know. The manager told me earlier this term saying they do experience this kind of waves some years. I hope they can go through it with all the pressures around. They have another two other nurseries in other areas too. So supposedly they could manage to balance it financially.

@lilyfire , if DS is more outgoing and friends loving, I'd hesitate less, as that would make the priority clearer. But he's been always very independent and didn't fuss much about other children. It's only me, as a parent, knowing how important peer play is to worry about this situation. I doubt he would be bothered much at all. But obviously, it's my guess...

There's positives and negatives.
The positive is he may get lots of personal care and development which is likely as you said the nursery is good.
However, social interaction is soooo key to their development. I work in nurseries and its hard for the older ones to mature and may make the transition to school harder if he is not regularly around children his own age.
It won't have any real long term affects, just his confidence around his own children might not be as high when he starts school.

@Cania , thank you SO much! I was pondering and sort of reaching the same conclusion in my mind too. But it's a relief to hear someone else (esp. in the field) telling me there's no long term impact! The funny thing is that I did find he's becoming more confident once all the big kids are gone and the nursery is not as busy as it was before. The teacher says it's because he's the older one now. But I do feel there's another element that he was a bit overwhelmed when it was super busy. - He has a very cautious soul!

Another idea just formed in my mind. I will see if I could sign up with the nearby preschool for the last term - provided they still have free spaces at that time. I feel it's natural to bring him closer to the neighbourhood and to know some other children who might join the same school at the same time. Even if it's for only 3 months, hopefully he would be more mature to handle a new environment by that time. In this way, he would still have the brilliant key worker at the current setting help him to develop confidence before then.

I don't know if it's reasonable to go this way. But I feel it's best based on his personality. (I wouldn't feel comfortable to move him next term, as I don't think he's confident enough yet.)

Thank you, @Cania !