AIBU with nursery

[Wingingit07]

Hey

Looking to see AIBU with how I am feeling, I guess Im wanting reassurance!

My son had a settling in session at nursery last week, all went well. Cried a little when we picked him up, he ran and clung to me. Key worker said he had been great all day, but overwhelm with everyone coming in for pick up.

Today his first proper session I picked him up and heard him from the car park screaming. When I went in, a nursery worker had hold of him and his top was soaking wet. I asked what happened and the response was 'i dont know hes not mine I found him walking around crying'

I then looked at the photos when I got home and he was playing in a tray of water in the garden, but no coat on at all just a thin long sleeved top. I packed a spare top, jumper and coat. Do nursery kids usually go outside in this weather with no coat?

As I got home I took his wet top off and he has a graze on his back and a huge bite mark from a kid. The top I noticed has white food marks exactly where he was bitten, no worker told me about this nor was any incident report been filled out.

We are going to call tomorrow and ask for a meeting to express our concerns on day 2 of his nursery (the nursery has ofsted report of good and is the most expensive in the area which should reflect the care).

AIBU Mums? Do I need to calm down, is this normal? Are bite marks and what looks like pinch marks not incident report worthy?

Thank you

I wouldn’t be happy. They get wet but should be put in dry clothes. If the nursery has a lot of new starters all once and is finding it hard they shouldn’t put water out until everyone is settled.
Bite marks not great but some kids do bite. Biters should be watched closely

the graze I wouldn’t worry about. Mine always come home grazed, nothing serious just from playing.

No. Just no. They should have told you properly about the graze and bite. If they’ve not bothered to do that, that’s a massive red flag.

Nope not normal and I wouldn’t send mine back there. Just for context I know of a non profit nursery that is rated excellent, has fantastic food choices and is well recommended in comparison to the local private nurseries that have much higher fees and are rated good.

I would be unhappy. Just wet, maybe understandable. Just one small unexplained injury, maybe understandable. Both on the same day would be a warning to me.

I usually read these nursery posts and think parents are being unreasonable but in this case I absolutely think your not being unreasonable.

I hope you manage to find out what happened and get some re assurance especially if it was his first proper day

Re bite marks yeah it happens but at my nursery we always get a report on it or if it's particularly bad a call to tell us.

I wouldn’t be happy. What did the nursery worker mean by “he’s not mine”? What a strange thing to say.

None of that is good. Every time DS has been bitten, I've had a call about it before I pick him up plus an incident form to fill in. Any kind of water play means a change of clothes. This is pretty basic stuff.

I presume she meant he wasn’t in her charge, they normally have 3 assigned as a key worker.

I agree this is a really strange thing to say, just because she isn’t his key worker doesn’t mean she doesn’t have responsibility for him like all staff do. I’d be looking at other settings or childminders OP.

Makes me feel so sick. DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILD BACK THERE. It's obviously not safe. Your poor baby must be so confused with you suddenly not around and no one to care for him! I'd go straight to Ofsted.

Bites can happen quickly and he may not have cried so they may not have been aware.

Sending him home in a sapping wet top is awful.

No, not normal at all! Tbh I don’t think I’d ever be comfortable leaving my child with them again.

When my DV were bitten (pretty common) I was given forms too.

DC*

I wonder what his assigned key worker was doing, not paying any attention. That’s awful. And the other one just absolving responsibility. I’d be bringing this up with the manager and looking for another nursery myself.

Was it another parent who had hold of him outside in the garden?

No not normal and any bite should be reported!

This is so sad and upsetting.

My DS (3) attends nursery and they're always out in the garden whatever the weather and do supply wet weather gear and ask for wellies to be left at nursery etc.

His top being soaking wet is also not acceptable.

Thanks all, glad I am not being dramatic or a 'FTM'. My husband is going to call at 8am for a meeting, they get good reviews from what we see,waiting list until sept 2023 now. All other nurseries around are 'requires improvement', so this nursery seemed a solid choice.

I dont think Ill go to the meeting, I fear Ill end up crying through it all and I dont particularly want to take DS back at the moment!

Definitely give a call to the manager and request a meeting.
I work in nursery setting and if ever there is a case of one child biting another, accident form would be filled and parent would be informed. We also inform the parents of the biter so they are aware that their child had bitten another so they can keep an eye out at home if they are prone to such behaviour and discuss steps we can take in order to prevent any further incidents.
Also, if there is wet play, children will of course, splash and get wet, but never would we leave any child in wet clothes; they would always get changed. In regards to coats, if it is cold/raining outside, we always dress children in their rain suits and coats.
Considering that this was all on day 2 of your DCs nursery, I definitely wouldn’t be happy.
As for a member of staff saying “he’s not mine”, I actually find this the worst of it all. Yes; not all children are my key kids, however, when any child in my setting is upset and I am the one nearest to them, I would offer comfort and then take the child to their key worker.
Hope it all works out, however, my advise would be to start looking for a new nursery.

I would also be concerned that they hadn't told you about the bite because they hadn't noticed. I feel for you