Refusing to eat/drink at nursery

[Beck32]

My little girl started nursery this week, she’s only 9 months. Please don’t judge I wish I could afford to stay off work with her but I can’t and I have no one who can look after her for me.

She initially was really upset but she has seemed to settle today and no longer crying non stop, however the issue now is she’s refused to eat anything, no snacks or meals also refused to have any milk or even her water.

Nursery have said that if it continues next week they will have to call me to pick her up early because obviously she can’t go all day without anything.

I’ve already suggested getting up early and giving her morning milk and breakfast before I drop her off instead of them just so I know she’s having something in the morning.

I don’t know what I expect from this post, is this a normal phase, will she start eating/drinking once she’s comfortable, or will she never eat there.

If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading!
One very worried mum.

Ds has recently started at around the same age. He's been there about 5 weeks and initially wouldn't eat much but has improved. I took in food from home for a bit. Still won't drink water there but does at home. Went through a minor phase of not drinking milk for a couple of days, at which point I offered to go in my lunch break and feed him. As it turned out there was no need as he quickly got over that. Would that be an option for you? Sometimes it can take a little while to settle in.

It's a difficult situation. I would say hang in there as she will adapt.
Have you considered a smaller setting than nursery, like a childminder? She might be overwhelmed by the noise?

I was thinking of sending her in with finger food/snacks I know she can eat herself.

I did suggest if I could come from work at dinner time but they said they don’t want confuse her or get her reliant on me coming.
I’m not to worried about the milk because I’m giving her the morning bottle and by the time I collect her the afternoon bottle will be half hour late so I can give it to her in the carpark.

I think I will send her with food, and couple of different water bottles and hopefully she starts to feel comfortable.

Worse case scenario if she doesn’t settle I will have to look into smaller setting like a childminder, I struggled to find one locally who would take her at her age.

She’s only been there for a week - this is normal at first. Plus sometimes kids won’t sleep at first too!

I would agree with sending some food with her as a packed lunch - maybe some yogurts or something to tempt her? I would give her another few sessions and let her settle in.

Could you send in her cup from home that she has her drink in ?

My little boy was like this. They got him some fromage frais yoghurts which I told them he loved and he ate it. They then put other food in an empty washed out pot 🤣 he ate from then on! The amazing things nursery staff do!

This is totally normal. It took DS a good few weeks to eat properly, he eats everything now. I'm sure she'll be fine soon, it just takes time. Could you work a few half days and collect her earlier?

I’m going to send her with different cup and see if that helps, and definitely packed lunch with yoghurts and food I know she can just crack on with herself.
Thanks for all the advice and ideas.
I know I’ve got give her chance settle and fingers crossed she will be loving it in a few weeks and it will do her the world of good to be there.

MIL hasn’t helped because she blamed me. My fault she won’t eat/settle because she’s so use to being with me, I’ve made her mard, so self doubt and panic set in that I’ve failed her.

Thank you for the reassurance!

Did you do any settling in sessions with you both together at the nursery?
could it be that she prefers to feed herself but nursery try to spoon feed her or the other way round?

It's a big adjustment for them but within a few weeks she'll be in the swing of things.

Ignore your MIL

Yep took my son two weeks to eat.
She's just settling in and adjusting to her new surroundings.

If you see this please let me know how you got on as we are going through the same and it’s heartbreaking

Not the OP, but both of mine took a few weeks to eat at nursery (DD1 longer than DD2). They were drinking a little, but not really enough. In both cases, it was like flipping a switch, they went from maybe nibbling something with quite a lot of coaxing to suddenly eating everything and never looked back.

To help get through that period, I did give breakfast before I dropped off (but we're early risers, so do that anyhow) and also collected a bit early so that I could get in a full meal and a substantial snack before bedtime (tea/dinner, dinner/supper, whatever). They also weren't night weaned yet, so made up calories overnight. I did send favourite foods with DD1, but in truth I'm not sure that made much difference – she wasn't a fussy eater, just not yet used to the setting.

I would also look at how they are doing with settling as a whole. For us, eating/drinking was the last thing to click, other than a few tears at drop-off. They were settled during the day, settled when I came to pick up, napping fine, and I could tell from what the staff told me about their day that they were engaging and showing their personality (little things like 'oh, she really likes X, doesn't she' or 'she's so clever, she can do Y' that I knew matched my child and knew I hadn't told them). They clearly were settling in most respects and I was happy with the nursery's response to the issue, so it felt reasonable to give eating a bit more time. If they'd not been settling in other ways as well, it would have been much harder.