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saga at nursery today....long, sorry

12 replies

columbolover · 15/01/2008 21:20

I picked up ds, 11 mo from nursery today. He goes 3 days per week and usually seems happy enough. There has been some change in that a few new babies have started after xmas and he is nearly the oldest in the baby room.

The nursery nurse said that he had been deliberately pushing, hitting and scratching the babies today, in particular a 4 month old whom he scrathed in the eye because he "doesn't like him, probably because he is jealous as he doesn't get as much attention now" He has been clingy at home for a while, and crying when I leave him - which I think is separation anxiety and maybe it is worse just now as the people have changed at nursery

But I've not known ds to behave like this and am really concerned. He does sometimes playfully grab our noses and laughs, esp when playing peekaboo and does generally like other babies. I thought he was too young to actively dislike other children and I'm upset if he feels pushed out and is actually being bad and hitting the babies. I'm horrified about the poor 4 month old.

She said this happened on Friday as well but didn't want to mention it in case was a one off. But today there was a definite air of "he's getting chucked out if you don't sort it out" towards me.

to be honest I've never been that happy with the nursery,(not that I'm trying to justify ds behaviour!)but frequently the babies are just lying on the floor being supervised from a distance, so it may be no wonder ds is looking for attention and no wonder he managed to scoot across and scratch an immobile 4 month old. the girls seem stressed as well. But i just feel that to say he is "bad" and not liking the other babies is wrong, surely he is too young to be like that? It just doesn't feel right

I'm now thinking a childminder would now be best, more one to one for him.
But I just need to know if I'm overreacting -obviously he is going to hit the terrible twos at some point and I'll have to accept he is going to hit / push then (though will obviously employ the naughty step etc then!)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Dynamicnanny · 15/01/2008 21:32

Hi Columbolover,

I am sorry about the reaction you got from the staff at your nursery as someone who has worked in nurseries I felt really sad about how the staff reacted to your son - he is probably just getting bored in the baby room if he is one of the oldest - will he be starting visits to the older room soon ? There will be more for him to do as he reaches the toddler rooms etc

I would speak to the manager though regarding the way you were spoken to - at the end of the day your the "customer" and the "customer is always right! "

dizzyblonde · 15/01/2008 21:40

I cetainly wouldn't be happy with that at the nursery I work in. At 11 months he is too young to have 'dislikes' and is probably not getting the attention he needs. We would probably move him up to the next room where he could get more appropriate stimulation.
My children were very physical towards younger children at that age, not being 'bad' but being normal!

izzywizzyletsgetbusy · 15/01/2008 21:43

Hello - I too think your son is probably bored (and frustrated). Also, IF he is behaving in that way and IF it is linked to a lack of attention, it's partly their fault if he feels he needs to behave badly to get noticed?

We have just changed nurseries (for different reasons) but until we moved at xmas dd (then 15 mths) was still in the intermediate baby room (about 7-12/13 mths in theory). She was bored stiff. She has an older brother at home so likes playing with older toys anyway but when I used to pick her up and see her surrounded by really baby toys and mainly immobile babies I did feel sorry for her. (The staff never complained about her behaviour but when I took her file home with me, it was clear from the "observations" that she hadn't given them an easy ride!! I didn't really blame her!)

Could you speak to the manager and see if he will be moving up soon? Also try asking the staff what strategies you and they can try to address any issues - i.e. get them to engage in sorting it out too seeing as the behaviour seems to be linked to nursery and he isn't like that elsewhere!

notnowbernard · 15/01/2008 21:45

I don't think you're overreacting.

I would be SERIOUSLY pissed off if staff said that about one of my kids (of any age!)

11m? FFS! I think you need to go with your instincts tbh.

Sorry you had to listen to what, IMO, was a load of absolute crap!

hester · 15/01/2008 21:47

I would be concerned about this too. Your ds is just a baby, it is completely inappropriate to imply that what is going on is some kind of bullying. What are the staff expecting you to do - have a stiff talk with him? Start a star chart?

I would go with your instincts: if you have never been that happy with the nursery, the babies seem unsupervised and the staff stressed, and above all your ds doesn't seem happy, then I would be looking at alternatives.

notnowbernard · 15/01/2008 21:48

Sorry, have just read my message back and it doesn't read very well!

What I meant to convey was the shoddy developmental knowledge the staff seem to have... how can an 11m old have a genuine dislike for another baby?!

Umlellala · 15/01/2008 21:54

With notnowbernard and hester. Ridiculous at 11mths...
They should be dealing with his 'behaviour' at nursery anyway not you!

yogimum · 15/01/2008 21:56

This is normal behaviour at your son's age, I'm shocked at the staff at your nursery. It doesn't sound like a very good nursery TBH.

SayNOtothecookieRookie · 15/01/2008 22:49

Gosh your son is only 11mths old, bless him he still needs loads of cuddles and attention and they should be giving him that, he is only a baby.

columbolover · 16/01/2008 09:18

Thanks for your replies. I think his behaviour is normal for his age and yes, he probably is bored. I don't think he'll be allowed to move up to the bigger room yet, which is a really good idea. And to be honest I'm just not sure about the calibre of the staff anymore. Certainly in the even bigger preschool room the girls just seem to be constantly shouting and telling off the kids for making a mess etc

It just seems as though the girls don't really know about child development, in the baby room anyway.

I'm going to see a childminder tomorrow and see if that would be more suitable for him.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 16/01/2008 10:00

When ds1 was little I worked FT and kind of relied on nursery staff to tell me what was "normal" behaviour and what wasn't. It was only after talking to several other Mums when ds1 was 2 that I realised that the nursery staff were mostly talking bolleaux!

sundew · 16/01/2008 10:06

I am shocked as well by what you have said - in particular that you have heard members of staff shouting. At the nursery where my dd goes I have NEVER heard a memeber of staff shout - I have heard them tell children off but never shout (and both my dds have gone there so I have been using it for 5 years).

I would look for another nursery. Have they had a recent OFSTED report - and if so how was it?

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