AIBU nursery still doing drop-off outside?

[KO2018]

At the risk of sounding like a pain in the bum mum I am feeling a little unhappy about us still not being allowed into our 1yo daughter’s nursery. Since covid they bring the kids out/collect one-by-one and you have to queue outside and wait till someone comes out.

They are great in general and she’s very happy there but I hate the weird outside drop-off situation. I never get to see the space where she plays, or know who all the nursery workers are.

It’s also sad as I don’t know who her friends are so there’s no sense of community between the parents. I confess to being a little disappointed by that, I was hoping to arrange birthday parties, play dates, stuff like that…

The nursery have responded saying it is better to continue to do it this way indefinitely, but they haven’t said why.

Thoughts?

Particularly from any nursery workers :)

@oddoneoutalways
Maybe the original poster didn't have a chance to make many mum friends on mat leave due covid causing lack of baby classes / NCT being on zoom etc.. I think a bit of empathy for someone wanting to make friends wouldn't go a miss, whether or not nursery gates is the place to do this or not

Ilikepinacoladass I can understand why you feel that way. Lockdowns were very hard for everyone, especially parents who had to leave their children with us on trust, without settling in. It sounds as though you've had a stressful time.

Perhaps it would help if you understood how coming into school and nursery came about.
Years ago, parents didn't come in. It's why so many of the older buildings have smaller rooms and cloakrooms. They built for the children only, and a teacher, they were never intended for parents as well.
When I started nursery, aged 3, our parents said goodbye to us at the bus stop and we travelled in on a minibus, so they never even got to see the outside of the building!

A while ago, the thinking was to try and involve parents, so they started to be welcomed in more and more. Ofsted encouraged links with parents and we all tried our best to meet their requirements with parents evenings, stay and play, stay to dinner etc. and, yes, coming inside to drop off, in the hope it would help settle children and be a happy start to the day for parent and child.

The trouble with the drop offs is that some parents don't do a quick kiss goodbye and leave, they linger - sometimes for ages - and it does unsettle the children.
Just one parent is bad enough - more than one, especially if they're trying to strike up conversations with nursery staff as well, can be incredibly disruptive, especially when the "I really must go now!" conversation is prolonged and the child realises that the parent isn't going to stay after all and kicks off.

When lockdowns happened and we couldn't have parents in, we were preparing for some very upset children. We were surprised to see that, by and large, it didn't happen. Children came in and settled down quickly and calmly. They felt safe with the routine and there was no blurring of authority.
We even noticed it with the new children who'd never attended before. In fact, the difference was so marked, and the drop-offs so much calmer, that many settings vowed not to go back to the old ways. It was something we'd tried and now we've realised it didn't work as well. It wouldn't be the first time we've tried to implement ideas that don't work as well as we thought they would, and I doubt it will be the last.

@Tanith
It does sound like a sensible thing to do.

So is the original aim for introducing parents coming in (encouraging links with parents etc) not relevant anymore? It sounds like there was an issue with children not settling/ having an unhappy start to the day before that was introduced?

Still quite surprised that nurseries were doing something so apparently disruptive and unsettling for children (letting parents come in) for so long, without there being any apparent benefits, without realising there might be a better way / having the balls to make it a rule, and it took covid to trigger it!

It's not about not being empathic, just being realistic.

Nothing wrong with trying to make friends but equally there's nothing wrong about pointing out that the OP is likely looking at an unlikely source. Equally, the idea of a one year old having 'friends' independently is just incorrect. They play alongside other babies at that age (and for quite a while longer, years) not with others. So it's something the OP really doesn't need to worry herself about.

I don't think she was worried about whether the one year old had friends or not, she was disappointed not to see the 'friends' / children they play alongside and get to know the other parents.

I agree though and think baby groups / stay and play type things would be a better start, then you might actually meet mum's with kids at the same nursery through that anyway.

Very well explained @Tanith

@Ilikepinacoladass No, it was another daft OFSTED thing where they decided to score setting higher if they could tick boxes for parental involvement, rther than coming in with an open mind and making an assessment of how well the dc settled and how well they coped with transition from home into a Nursery setting.

However, if you want to try and talk to parents of other children using the Nursery ignoring the fact they will be rushing off to work then I don't understand why you can't chat to them whilst waiting on the drive / wherever the queue to hand over is ?

I'm happy for this at my daughters nursery purely because we have to climb these God awful steep iron stairs and it kills me. So the fact that they still bring them down is bliss for me lol

I'm going back a few years as my eldest is 21, but we've always had door drop off and pick up after the first week of settling in. Even today, the nursery I used still do it that way. I always thought it was the norm. 🤔🤔

@Kite22
So have Ofsted changed their guidance on it since covid then? Seems that lots of nurseries were already doing drop off at the door so it doesn't seem it was that important Ofsted wise to have people coming in! It does seem like a better idea, I just think it's crazy it took covid for some nurseries to realise this!?