AIBU nursery still doing drop-off outside?

[KO2018]

At the risk of sounding like a pain in the bum mum I am feeling a little unhappy about us still not being allowed into our 1yo daughter’s nursery. Since covid they bring the kids out/collect one-by-one and you have to queue outside and wait till someone comes out.

They are great in general and she’s very happy there but I hate the weird outside drop-off situation. I never get to see the space where she plays, or know who all the nursery workers are.

It’s also sad as I don’t know who her friends are so there’s no sense of community between the parents. I confess to being a little disappointed by that, I was hoping to arrange birthday parties, play dates, stuff like that…

The nursery have responded saying it is better to continue to do it this way indefinitely, but they haven’t said why.

Thoughts?

Particularly from any nursery workers :)

I think lots of places (not just nurseries) are sticking to pandemic rules purely because it's more convenient for them, rather than being better for the public. It should be challenged imo!

After a great deal of persuasion our nursery set up a parents’ Facebook page. No pics of the kids or anything, but they did use it as another way to communicate with parents, they put up the menu for the week, newsletters etc.

I didn’t pay it much attention at first, but then covid hit and it became invaluable. “Brodie would like to show all his friends the lovely picture he drew of them all playing together in the sand pit” sort of thing. “Do any parents from X room want to set up a WhatsApp?” It got parents communicating and talking. It really really helped.

It's better for the children, liikepnacoladass. It can be very disruptive to both children and staff having a trail of parents coming in and often taking ages to actually leave. It's also difficult for young children to understand that Mummy or Daddy coming inside does not mean they are staying to play.
Drop off at the door is a defined break, which is why the children are happier to come straight in and play.

This desire to come inside is not for the children's benefit: every comment so far has emphasised the parents' wants and preferences.

Without sounding rude nurseries are not hang out places to socialise it was a nightmare before with parents lingering in the rooms chatting to other parents whilst we are trying to sort out the children or dealing with crying ones who are upset when parents started coming in the room. Pick up/drop offs at the door allow for a much smoother transition and upsets the children a lot less which is why many nurseries are keeping this arrangement.

My DCs had their nursery days pre-Covid but the nursery we chose for both them did all handovers at the door of the setting. I only went inside for information evenings and such. They said it helped the children to settle better.

Our dd was in nursery for around 6
Months before covid hit and we used to go into the lobby of the nursery to pick her up or go directly into the room if it wasn't too busy, but she was only 8 months old at that point. , I honestly think it's better now that everyone waits outside. The kids aren't upset as they just quietly get collected when their parents are here rather than a big fanfare when someone's parents arrive and to be honest I didn't know any of the other parents when she was that young as we were always in a rush to work or back! It gets easier when they're older as you get invited to parties etc. but generally people are in a rush at drop offs and pickups!

I used a childminder with mine at that age - started with her before Covid - other than the settling in session I never went into her house, we just chatted at the door. Except when they did the garden up and DS was keen to show off the new play house.

DS just finished nursery now, we always dropped off and collected outside. I don’t feel the need to go in at all. What for? But they do offer ‘stay and plays’ every term so you can go in then and get a feel for the place. Parents all wait outside, it’s easy enough to have a chat together then if we want. I don’t see the issue.

If she’s only one, isn’t the nursery just for childcare purposes on your part? Why do you want to hang around, surely you need to get to work?

I suspect it’s proved much more efficient for them than having parents come to the rooms and take ages getting their kids out/having a chat with each other etc.

Why didn't they do it like that before if it's so much better for everyone involved? Where I used to work parents dropped at the room door, so didn't go in for the kids to 'be confused if they were staying to play', but they were still in the main nursery entrance, so could still get a feel for the place / not have to wait outside in the rain / look through the room window or door to see what it was like in there etc.

It might be the case that's it better for children or it might not, but I know lots of places not just nurseries are keeping things as they are as it's more convenient for them, and not taking the patients/ public's needs / best interests into account at all

they were still in the main nursery entrance
**
Not every nursery has a main entrance. Mind-blowing stuff, I know.
**

Why didn't they do it like that before if it's so much better for everyone involved?

Lots of places did do exactly this pre pandemic and those that didn't realised just how sensible it was during the pandemic and therefore want to keep the new system in place.

It's hardly rocket science to comprehend how much easier it will be on the children. As someone above rightly pointed out the only arguments ever offered against such a policy are all driven by what the parents want not by the best interests of the children.

It's better for the children. It can be very disruptive to both children and staff having a trail of parents coming in and often taking ages to actually leave.
**
Yesssss. My DS's nursery is still at the door and I know he finds is so much more relaxing being in nursery with it this way. He gets very upset with adults he doesn't know being in a space he knows, like nursery or home (he's completely fine with them outside), so door drop-offs and pick-ups work great for him.

Do you not have apps with photos from your DC's day? I thought all nurseries did nowadays. You can see the rooms that way. Also, I often talk to other parents when I'm waiting outside. You could do that, no?

It can be very disruptive to both children and staff having a trail of parents coming in and often taking ages to actually leave.

I’m sure many parents would be mindful and just drop and go without a fuss. But then you also have to contend with ones like the OP who thinks that instead of coming in to pop her DC’s bag on the peg and quick kiss goodbye, it’s time to linger, weirdly suss out who her one year old’s ‘friends’ are and beginning chin wagging with parents who she hopes to start some social circle with. The OPs first post alone makes it pretty obvious to me why nurseries have understandably kept these rules in place.

I know staff who disliked parents dropping off and picking up inside as they sometimes hang around too long and some just want to talk in great detail about their childs’ day. The staff need to crack on so they can get cleared up for the following day. They want to go home too!

@Duttercup
No, but considering the child is one I'm assuming it's a nursery that has a few rooms for the different age groups, as opposed to one where they're all in one room (ie like a school nursery / preschool). Could be wrong though!

Personally I think it's easier for the kids, short sharp goodbye, x

@allboysherebutme
Tbh I'm glad mine isn't at a nursery yet, the idea that you have to do a certain type of exit / goodbye otherwise they get upset makes me quite sad, mine happily waves me off saying bye mummy when I drop him at his childminders. Which I'm pretty sure would be the same whether I dropped him at the door or inside the house. I'm sure people wouldn't be wanting to stand around for ages in there anyway? You just hand them over and go?

I would say if it reduces covid risks it's a good idea to keep it for now. Who can afford to be off sick/off with a sick child and still have to pay childcare costs too?

I don't think it's anything to do with covid now, it's been kept because it's more convenient for the nurseries. Most parents and nursery workers are living life like normal (getting on trains / socialising / going crowded spaces) so don't see how parents coming into the nursery briefly makes a difference. The kids are there all day together anyway!

Tell us why you want to come in, Ilikepinacoladass
Tell us what you think are the benefits.

@Tanith I'm happy with not going into the childminders. I was a bit upset in the beginning not being able to go in for settling in sessions at all, and to have a look around etc, but drop off at the door works fine for me.

My issue is that I think a lot of places are just sticking with covid rules because it's more convenient for them, and not really asking themselves is this actually better for the clients / public. My mum was in a rehab unit a month or so ago for about 4 weeks (where they do physio etc) and she was only allowed 2 (1hr) visits per WEEK. And that was in a prison like visiting room where you had to sit across the table from each other. She was very upset in there and struggled with not having that family support. None of the staff were isolating, they were going about normal lives and coming into work each day - so it didn't seem to make any sense to limit visiting so much. Very detrimental to the patients mental health and just seemed to be kept like that as more convenient for the staff. So a bit off topic but it grates on me when I hear of other people going through similar things!

I find it hard to believe that so many nurseries would have been doing something that is apparently so disruptive and bad for the children before covid and only now they've realised this / had the balls to make it a rule!? Why would they not have just had this rule before?

Also after pretty much my whole maternity leave / pregnancy being extremely limited and disrupted by covid (and everyone else's who's had a baby in the last few years) the idea that people are needlessly keeping rules in place triggers me!

Ours is still drop off outside and I love it!

When my eldest was there (pre-covid and with drop off inside) drop off was utter chaos. Cloakroom rammed with parents doing shoes, parents in the room, tons of crying children clinging on to mum (including my own) and parents hanging around far longer than was necessary or helpful, often making the crying children worse.

Now my youngest is there and they're sticking permanently with the outside drop off. They open the main door to the building if the weathers terrible so the children don't get soaked but otherwise it's drop at the gate and go. It's so much better. You still have the odd crying child of course but they go through the gate and once they're in the door and see their friends (you can see them) 99% of the time they're fine. Parents are not encouraged to hang around and as you can't see them once they've exited the cloakroom into the main room there is no point anyway.

Long live drop at the gate and go!

Oh and also one year olds don't have friends. You might want to make friends with the parents but that's different and to be honest lots of parents with babies in nursery are there because they work and they're busy not because they want to gather a social circle.

Once they're preschoolers they have friends (although they all fall out all the time and change all the time!). Birthday parties round here didn't start until probably 4ish. Maybe a handful of 3rd parties but not many. If someone would have invited me to a child's birthday party that wasn't a friend or family member for a 2nd to be honest there's no way would i have gone.

Especially because mine are 4 and 6 now and it seems I have a child's birthday party to attend almost every bloody weekend now... they soon get old!

You'll make friends with (some!) parents when your child is older most likely. Preschool and school is the time for this if you so choose. I honestly don't know anyone that socialises with baby nursery parents.