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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Overprotective FTM or bad nursery?

25 replies

GH2021 · 17/05/2022 13:21

Hi, I have an 11 month old who is due to start nursery(1 day per week) as I am returning to work.
We are new to the local area so I havent been able to get nursery recommendations from friends/family.

Having already cancelled a registration for 1 nursery due to poor communication and attitude once I registered my daughter I am now having concerns over another I have registered her with.

When I went to view it I was only allowed in the reception area, im assuming due to safeguarding or covid. They seemed to fit in with the home from home and learning ethos I hoped for and left feeling more positive about them than the precious 2 I viewed. As soon as I registered her they rang and said they had other interest since I viewed(12 hours beforehand) and I had to get her in 3 weeks earlier or not at all fair enough I thought. I had emailed saying I wanted her to have a 2 hour settling in session and then 2 half days before her full days but they said she could have a settling in session the day before her full day.
I heard nothing more and her settling in session is tomorrow so I rang and asked about times clashing with her nap and what to expect to be told I will meet her key worker at the door and then she will go and settle in for 2 hours and I'll go home. Now this is where my concerns are because they haven't asked about her routine, her likes or dislikes or anything . I mentioned this on the phone and she said if you could email her routine over that would be fab but don't worry she will be fine.

Is this normal? I was kind of expecting to go in and sit with someone who would ask me about her, she would meet them with me in presence so she can see I am comfortable with them and then she would go play for a bit and I would be there to come to freely, so I can also see what they are like.

Bare in mind I pulled her out the last nursery because the classroom assistant called a child needy when they were climbing on her for a cuddle whilst I was there!

I'm feeling really nervous about leaving her now, more than I was beforehand.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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LadyDanburysHat · 17/05/2022 13:25

You're being overprotective. They don't need to know her routine, as she will fit in with the nursery routine. They will have nap/quiet times and lunch etc. at specific times. And your DD will adjust.

The only thing I would say is that only one day a week at nursery will mean it could take her a long time to settle. Bitter experience, and why a lot of nurseries won't take a child for only one day.

NrlySp · 17/05/2022 13:28

She will have to settle into the nursery routine.
I also agree about 1 day a week. It can take longer to settle
If you want a routine personalized to your DD then a nanny is the way to go

Thursday37 · 17/05/2022 13:29

It does sound a bit odd. We had to go in and fill in forms all about DD, we did this inside with DD exploring the room and so we could chat to the staff.
Then she did settling in sessions over a fortnight before she started.

They adapt to the nursery routine, so that doesn’t matter. Your home routine is for home. But we had lots of settling sessions and that was at the height of Covid.

cafedesreves · 17/05/2022 15:36

I personally would not send my kid somewhere I'd never visited. What is the rationale for it?

Nodancingshoes · 17/05/2022 21:37

I would expect to be able to go in amd talk through her routine at this age tbh. Even during covid when we couldn't have parents in, we used to go for a walk around the park with new parents to discuss things like this. I would ask whether its possible to stay for 15/30 minutes before leaving

Findahouse21 · 17/05/2022 21:42

Dd started nursery in the middle of covid so this was the norm then. In chatting with the staff they have seen massive leaps in how the children settle so much quicker when parents never go into the door, because it's so much clearer for little ones to understand where that boundary is. Yes, hard for us parents to some extent (and ours now offer weekend viewings so you can visit) but if it's best for the children then you just have to go with it.

bbqhulahoop · 17/05/2022 21:52

It's covid. It wasn't like this with my first. You are being a bit over protective too tho. She will be fine. My very timid baby struggled for about 6 sessions and was fine after that x

frostytimes · 17/05/2022 21:53

Not a chance I'd send mine. It sounds like they weren't even going to ask about her routine or likes abs dislikes and only did because you brought it up. And then rushing you and not taking on board your thoughts on settling in.
You're paying a fortune for nursery, they aren't doing you a favour!
I do agree with PP about one day making it a lot harder for her to settle. I was advised against it.

Shoemadlady · 17/05/2022 22:04

They should be asking a million questions such as likes / dislikes, food preference and allergies etc
You are NOT being overprotective!! Always always go with your gut instinct! I wouldn't send my child anywhere I hadn't been inside to see. Covid is over so won't they let you in?? What are they hiding?
There is no way I'd send my child there x look elsewhere, if you feel nurtured emotionally as a parent when looking around and asking questions your child probably will too but that place doesn't sound like it gives a toss x

PinkPlantCase · 17/05/2022 22:05

I don’t think it’s normal anymore for babies to be handed over at the door, older children maybe but not for the baby room. Have you even been allowed to even see the room she’ll be in?

My DS was younger when he started but at our nursery let parents attend with the baby for part of the first settling in session. This has been true for my friends too who’ve had babies start in 2022. When I was there they had a form for me to fill out about his routine, like and dislikes etc. and about his family, important events and if he had any pets. This was earlier this year so with covid taken into account.

That said PP are right that 1 day a week will make it hard for your little one to settle and she will also get used to the nursery routine.

Arucanafeather · 17/05/2022 22:11

When my kids were nursery age, their nursery insisted on at least 2 days a week (didn’t have to be full days) as the children didn’t settle going once a week as too long between sessions.

PrincessesRUs · 17/05/2022 22:12

My little girl would never have settle on one day a week - that's not going to be the fault of the nursery - at that age 6 days is a really long time, it'll be hard for them to build up a sense of familiarity.

Aswad · 17/05/2022 22:15

That doesn’t sound great
they should show you around the setting, the baby room, where they eat, outdoor space etc
settling in usually involves you staying there first and then transition out, so maybe an hour with her first day, 30 the next and final day you wait in the car or something similar
they should have completed an ‘all about me’ form where you tell them her likes, dislikes, routine, significant people in her life

Olsi109 · 17/05/2022 22:24

We viewed nursery during covid. When she goes she will normally be dropped off in the reception area but when we went to look around we saw the whole nursery so that we could see where she would play/sleep/eat/have outdoor play etc. there were other children there so not a safeguarding issue either. We haven't done settling yet but I expect that DD will fit into their routine and they've said they'll contact me a month before she's due to start to arrange settling sessions. I wouldn't send my child anywhere that I hadn't been able to view - you wouldn't buy a house just from standing in the door way.

HappyMeal564 · 17/05/2022 22:35

My sons nursery did a questionnaire about him on his likes and dislikes, routine etc and took him for 3 settling in sessions before he started. He was doing one half day a week. This was over the January 2021 lockdown

KarmaComma · 17/05/2022 22:43

It's not a great start! As a minimum I'd expect a full tour of the nursery before registering, meetings child's key worker and some sort of record (like a booklet to fill in) about my child. I'd also want to be able to do settling in sessions the way I thought best for my child, which could be me with them for an hour or so the first time. Sounds bloody awful to just hand them over to someone they don't know, in a place they're not familiar with, without you. That would not have worked for me or my kids.

Hallibob · 17/05/2022 22:53

Doesn't sound great really but in a way they are right, she will fit in to their routine as they can't have multiple babies on vastly differing routines...it doesn't work in a nursery setting.

My DS went to nursery at 11 months and started just 3 weeks before covid kicked off. We were able to be shown around by the manager and were able to leave DS in the baby room for a few mins while we looked at the rest of the nursery. I could see he had a ball crawling around exploring and it eased my worries.

As part of the registration process they got me to fill in a form about his routines/bottles/favourite toys/food preferences and allergies. They stuck to his routine for a couple of weeks but very quickly he adapted to the rest of the kids and his routine changed. No issues from me though, he was happy.

There might be a slight element of PFB on your behalf but the nursery doesn't sound very on the ball or accommodating either tbh

Mysterian · 17/05/2022 23:05

Wanting to rush a child in without knowing the routine and without a few settling in sessions is bad.
Lack of a show-round is bad. They can be done after the nursery shuts for the day. Mine also does a video tour. Unless you actually get in there you can't tell if the resources are good or just boxes of old Happy Meal toys (quite common!)
Poor communication is bad.
Taking a child for one day per week is not great either. Most good nurseries (if not all) insist on more because it's so hard to get children to settle in.

Go somewhere else.

RidingMyBike · 18/05/2022 15:31

That sounds like settling in became during Covid - our nursery (DD was preschool by then) did an intro meeting with keyworker in the nursery garden. They introduced drop off and pick up at the door instead of parent coming into the room and it made the whole process so much more streamlined and easier for the children as the boundaries were clearer and there were a couple of parents who'd hang around for ages doing long drawn out goodbyes which just upset their children.

At nearly a year they tend to move on to following the nursery routine re things like nap time (DD napped at a totally different time at nursery to at home and it was fine!). The younger babies who nap more often had more individualised care in the baby room.

Haven't you had to fill in forms about things like allergies, GP details etc? We did one in the first week or so about likes and dislikes but a lot of it the staff work out for themselves anyway from observing them at nursery.

One day a week may not be enough for settling either - ours wouldn't take them for less than two days a week as it was harder to get them to settle.

Amichelle84 · 18/05/2022 15:39

I think a bit of both.

My son started nursery in the pandemic and his settling in was 1 hr with me there (I wore a mask) and then he done a few hrs on his own then 1 half day. I think they should have still given you a tour and understand you're probably feeling a bit anxious.

Your kid will need to settle in to the nurseries routine, they don't have time to pander to each child individually.

If you want that maybe consider a nanny or childminder.

Mrsmch123 · 20/05/2022 21:00

My boy is starting nursery in July. They have sent me a timetable of his settling in sessions. 2hrs per day for for two weeks. They asked that i stayed for the first session and fill out his care plan of likes and dislikes. I wouldn't be happy handing him over at the door. They don't know him and he doesn't know them. Yes they may not follow his exact schedule at home but a bit of a rough guide will be helpful for him and them.

autienotnaughty · 20/05/2022 21:30

They should have a written record of naps/likes/dislikes/feeding etc did they talk about their routines/meals etc? also I would want at least 3 or 4 settling in sessions to get dc use to things. I wouldn't have been happy with the pressure to sign up either.

Geranium1984 · 20/05/2022 21:51

My boy started nursery last August when he was 12mo. so was more 'covidy' than now and I was allowed in for the first couple of settling in sessions of about an hour. They asked me to come in at 9am but I said I'd be there at 10am because of his morning nap. I'm surprised there are still covid restrictions, I thought they had all disappeared everywhere.

I had to fill out a form before he started about his routine and what he likes but I don't think anyone has ever read it!!!
It was really tough, they operate on a 1 nap day an my son was on 2 naps till he was 16mo. He occasionally had a morning nap but it was usually so close to the lunch nap that it fluffed that up. I used to give him a quick nap at home at 9am and race him in afterwards. Not great for my working day!

I would try and get them to be really clear about routine.
If you don't feel like you've had enough settling in can you just pick up at lunch time even if you've started paying for the whole day?

jannier · 21/05/2022 13:44

It's not good and is bad practice not to understand a child's routine prior to starting
I'm amazed parents think this is acceptable.
Settling in visits and parental visits have been allowed through the last year to help children some nurseries don't like the inconvenience that's not about the child's best interests. Ask the nursery to read up about working with parents, secure attachments for children and the settling in.
I would have 3 or 4 sessions playing with your child while talking to you to learn about them before you leaving them for a short time.
A day a week is fine....just like it is if it were family looking after them.

Fandabydosey · 29/05/2022 20:18

They should be asking about her personality, her likes and dislikes. If she has any pre exsisting health conditions or allergies. I don't think you are being over protective

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