When/how to start nursery?!

[zebra80]

Hi folks

(For context, single FTM to a donor conceived child and generally a bit anxious! Baby is a bit sensitive by nature but generally fairly chilled and ok with grandparents for 3-4 hour spells)

I'm self employed (ie can suit myself re hours- but my job needs to be in person not wfh) and heading back to work in the next couple of months aiming to be doing 2.5 days by early August- baby will be 8.5 months by this point. My parents aren't up to doing long term childcare but are happy to help out with the transitional phase esp if it's only half days. Have found a lovely nursery I'm really happy with and who have availability.

I'm going round in circles about what is best- go back 1 day a week in June with granny doing childcare then start nursery in July- start on half days? Full days? I'm nervous about this dreaded separation anxiety which might hit just at the wrong time- a few folk have said to me sooner might be better so should I start nursery asap so he's used to it before that phase? (Financially not ideal but doable if it's the best thing)

To complicate things I'd like us to take a holiday visiting family at some point between late June/ early august- should we get this out the way before nursery start to minimise disruption? Or will it be ok to do a month of nursery then have a week off?

Aargh help me find clarity please wise MNetters!

A month of nursery then a holiday should be OK.

It's best to arrange things so baby doesn't have too long a wait between nursery days. Many nurseries refuse one day per week children because they take so long to get used to nursery life. If I could choose the ideal way to start it would be Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, then building up or cutting back when they're settled. Fridays then Mondays tend to be the quietest in nurseries which would be handy.

My nursery has a minimum of 3 sessions a week, so 3 half days or one half and one full day so the child can settle. Any less and they say the children struggle with settling.

What's your commuting like, is it easier to do whole days rather than have to do more commutes? And does your nursery allow you to pick the actual hours or does it just book am/pm sessions?

As a childminder I'd start settling building up to a full day over the month before so by the time you start baby would be relaxed and happy and 1 day is fine just like it would be if its one day with grandparents. Nursery is harder becouse of the lack of time to settle most don't like you going in past the first visit and also the number of different staff which can mean handing over to someone different everytime and baby being cared for 3 or 4 different people....obviously that means on 1 day a week it could be that the same person isn't taking baby in more than once a month. Generally you would have visited me 4 or 5 times before leaving baby for an hour so baby is used to me and sees your comfortable letting me hold and play with them.
So id look for a setting which has a small number of staff who have bee there a long time and can guarantee the correct use of the keyworker system ie the person who always takes baby in and does the majority of their care rather than what most nurseries do which is the keyworker is for admin. The purpose of a keyworker being to build attachment needed for secure separation. If you find this 1 day is fine.

DS was about 6.5 months when I went back to work, I had a phased start and DH was able to take some leave too. This is what we did -

Week 1 - Settling in 2 hours

Week 2 - 2, 2 hour setting in sessions

Week 3 - 2 Full Consecutive Days

Week 4 - 3 Full Consecutive Days

Week 5 - 4 Full Days (His normal schedule)