Baby is being bitten

[NewmummyKK]

Hi all, looking for some advice on what to do really, my 1 year old has been bitten twice now in the space of 3 weeks by the Same child, the bites are so hard it leaves a mark/bruise for 2 weeks and she is obviously very upset. When I spoke to the nursery all the said is the child is being monitored as she is also pinching and hitting as well as biting. If it’s a behavioural thing and not just one offs; do I have the right to ask them to move my child away from the other child as I’m concerned she will start hating nursery. What would you do? I know it’s common but I don’t think anything is being done.

Hmm

Not sure what to say. Both my DC go to nursery and there's aways an incident .. I think you would be within your rights to ask them to keep the other child away from yours but in truth I don't think it'll happen.

My DS was scratched on his face after being attacked by a little girl .. happened 3 days in a row. I asked them to keep an eye and keep them apart whenever possible. Day 4 - new scratch but from a different child apparently- I bet not 😂

Don't think there's much they can do to keep them away from each-other 🥴

Good evening ,

As someone who has worked in a nursery for nearly 9 years as a room leader with children between the ages of 1-3 years old I see this every day unfortunately.

The babies and toddlers who haven’t yet developed their communication and language and personal , social and emotional development often find it difficult with other children playing very close by to them or when others take toys from them. I have previously had parents who ask us to keep their child away from children who bite , scratch and pinch but I honestly said that we are unable to do that as it’s not very nice for any toddler to be kept away from others. As the children get older they begin to learn about sharing and taking turns and being kind and gentle with their friends.

"as it’s not very nice for any toddler to be kept away from others. "

I disagree with this policy. The safety of OP's child should be paramount.

They need to be managing the biter better. Looking for triggers, providing chew toys for sensory input and most importantly supervising the child. If it was a one off I would say it's part of nursery but repeated occurrences require smarter management.

Biters should be taken out of nursery/school until they've been taught not to bite- unpopular view as many convince themselves biting is normal.

Yes definitely! Children’s safety and well-being is very important in early years settings and we support the children to manage their feelings and emotions through group activities , role play and stories. We supervise children at all activities indoors and outdoor but biting and scratching can happen instantly.

Many of our children learn by the ages of 2-4 and by the time they go to school about positive behaviour. All babies and children should have access to early education as it’s so important for their learning and development.

Taking a baby or child out of a nursery or school because they are biting wouldn’t help them as they may be away from groups of children for months and when they do go back they could struggle as they would have to learn about sharing , taking turns and playing with others.

A child that regularly hurts others should be better supervised.

It's not their fault they bite, they need to learn and get to understand it's wrong, but that doesn't mean other kids should be left to get hurt either while they are learning.

In the days of sahm’s dc didn’t always go to nursery and they learned perfectly well how to share by having play dates and siblings.

I completely get the logic about the biting child needing to stay in the setting to learn how to behave but I also feel that it isn't my child's responsibility to act as a teaching aid for other children at the expense of personal physical injury and distress. In the same way I wouldn't expect others to suffer if my child was biting.
One incident I accept is often unavoidable, a pattern by the same child requires better monitoring by staff of that individual child to intercept before they bite until the behaviour is back under control.

You can't expel a baby from nursery because they bite.

There isn't 1:1 supervision at nursery and with the best will in the world it is impossible to intervene before every bite. It can happen in a second.
Just consider you have 9 children and 3 adults - one adult is changing a nappy, one adult is making up bottles, one adult is reading a story - and a child leans over and bites the one next to them. Even with an adult watching and within reach you can't always stop it.

How much experience have you had of children to make you an expert in this?

It's not very nice to be kept away from others? How about it isn't very nice to be bitten so hard it leaves a mark for two weeks.

@ancientgran

We always apply first aid a few times after the accident using our “magical cream” (arnicare or savlon cream) to children with their bites and bruises to help with their accidents which often helps the marks to disappear quite quickly.

I always tell children’s parents when their child is settling in with us that their child may be hurt and explain to them what we do if their child has been bitten/scratched or pushed. Unfortunately it’s something that you have to accept if you would like your child to be in a child care setting or even with a childminder.

My mother always tells me that my cousin used to bite my eldest brother all the time at their nursery and whilst playing together at home but they loved each other and he soon grew out of it.

Sorry but you seem far too relaxed about this. Yes some children will bite but the adult supervising them needs to take some responsibility if a child is repeatedly biting. Magic cream isn't the point is it.

Being bitten isn't an accident unless a child falls with their mouth open and happens to land on another child, it is a deliberate act.

@ancientgran the adults supervising them of course should take lots of action but at an age and stage appropriate way! Sometimes the children who bite others have special educational needs or behaviour needs and we need to make sure we are helping them with this in a suitable way and working together with the child’s parents .
We of course teach and tell the babies and toddlers that biting isn’t kind and try our best to stop them biting very quickly but some children find it very difficult whilst others stop really quickly and learn to take turns and play more cooperatively with others.
With the younger children between ages 1-2 we are not allowed to use ‘ time out’ for the children as a behaviour approach but we talk with the child about positive behaviour ( sharing , giving cuddles) and take them away to play at a new activity to engage and distract them whilst of course treating the child who may have been bitten.

DS2 was a biter up until about 14-ish months. It was usually me who incurred his wrath and I don't believe he got another child, but he definitely nipped his key worker at childcare once. Just to let you know the parents of the other child, if they are anything like I was, will be beyond mortified and will be as desperate for it to stop as you are. If ds2 had bitten another child I would have been absolutely gutted.

Completely agree. How ludicrous to
protect the feelings of the violent child to the detriment of the physical well being of another.

Easier said than done!

I work in early years our ratio is 1:8. I can’t follow one child about ….just in case. I have 7 other children in my care and if I were to do 1:1 they would miss out. We do observe and monitor children that lash out but we can’t prevent every accident.

we have a child in our care with additional support needs who lashes out at anyone who is crying. So if we have 32 children in our care with 4 staff, one tends to the crying child, one tends to the child who lashes out which means we have 2 staff members left with 30 other children which is way out of ratio.

Its very difficult at times.

Your referring to "accidents" is totally misleading. Biting is deliberate and we shouldn't accept children being victims on a regular basis.

That might be a reason why it happens but it isn't acceptable, no child should be deliberately hurt by another child more than once. Fair enough if it is a one off but once we get into one child starting to look like they are being targetted they need to be the priority not the biter.

The child the OP refers to is biting the OPs child more than once and also pinching and hitting other children. It isn't fair to the other children.

I would say the biting child need to be taken out of nursery for the safety and well bring of the other children. A nursery needs to be a safe place.

I am concerned by the labelling of a child aged 1-2 years as "violent" and speaking of "deliberate intent".

I don't think it's being relaxed to accept acts such as biting, nipping, hair pulling, scratching and in one case I recall, head butting, occur and will always occur while small children are developing language, empathy and reasoning abilities.

Smarter management, as someone mentioned, is the only way to progress through this stage and I have sympathy for everyone, reasons are not excuses and the behaviour will always be challenged.

Babies and toddlers bite, hit, push, scratch and pull hair. You can't have a load of under 3s in a room together and expect it to be totally safe.
Maybe if nursery have padded walls and soft toys only and babies kept in separate bouncers all day, then you can have a totally safe place.

A child can and should be removed from a nursery or any other childcare setting where the staff cannot cope with that child's needs resulting in other children in that setting getting hurt repeatedly.

Wait till your child gets to school OP and comes home and tells you that they are not allowed to play with their friends at lunchtime as they have to stay inside. What has the child done to get that punishment you wonder? Nothing. Infact your child is being used as a childminder to the kid who still bites/hits/swears etc because "They aren't violent when they are with [your child] but they are violent to the other kids so we have to keep them in". But why the he'll my child should he subjected to this I've no idea - they believe they are being punished and by the time you get to sort it out with the school so they stop it their friendship groups have moved on and now your kid is the loner in the playground. All because he was the kid chosen to nanny the violent one....