Can anyone please reassure me about 1YO in nursery?

[Cafeaulait27]

Slightly freaking out about nursery. My boy will be going when he’s 1 we think, it’s still 5 months away but we’re looking round some at the moment.

We really like the idea of having him just go 2 days week and grandparents on the other day, and like the idea of the change of scene, activities and socialisation at nursery. I don’t really like the idea of a child minder due to the school pick ups and drop offs they do, and I also don’t have any recommendations or know where to start with it. I feel like as there’s obviously less supervision with a childminder how would I know they were looking after my child well? (I know this is a bit cynical and maybe I’m worrying too much) we also can’t afford a nanny.

I just wondered if anyone could reassure me or advise if babies of 1 year and up are happy in a nursery setting? Is it ok to just do 2 days? I worry about him being distressed with different staff etc, and I read some articles about how some studies have said that nursery for under 2s can be damaging..? I’m also aware that it’s not a well paid profession and there can be high staff turnover.

would love to hear from those that sent their baby to nursery at this age or work in a nursery.

im also not sure what to ask at a nursery to get a gauge of whether it’s good or not?

Thank you!

My DD went at one and was really happy from The first week. It's been brilliant xx

All 3 if mine went from around 9 months. They loved it.

Thank you @MartinMartinMarti @SweepTheHalls That’s lovely to hear. What made you like the nursery you chose? And how did you know they were happy there, did you get updates? Did they just seem happy as you arrived?

I think childminders have the advantage of a more home based setting.
Babies enjoy the school run tbh (lots to see).
I would visit both childminder and nurseries before you decide.

I visited several. Some were frankly horrible and I wouldn't leave my cat there.

The one we chose has friendly, experienced staff (they make a point of mentioning their low staff turnover, which I think os really important). It was the first thing that struck me when I visited, and they've gone on to build lovely relationships with DD.

The building is an amazing purpose built space, with a great garden that the kids seem to spend most of their time in.

We get daily updates on an app, and a chat at handover time.

It's really area dependent, but be warned that round us you realistically have to sign ip when you're pregnant to get a place at the good ones.

I loved that nursery would get ill, and could always care for my child! They went in happily, we're happy when collected and did a lovely range of activities each day 😊

Totally agree with this. My kids loved going to school and nursery with the bigger ones, and the bonus was that by the time they were going themselves, they were very familiar with the staff, the setting, and loads of the kids too.

Mine went at 10 months she is now 14 months and she goes in so happy

she loves the staff and she confidently walks in herself now with barely a look back at me 😂😂

she is very happy to see me at pick up though (phew) haha

i think it’s great for her they do so much fun things that I feel I couldn’t give her

Mine went at about 10/11 months. We had a week or two of him struggling to settle in, but he's loved it ever since.
I opted for a nursery as childminders are too flaky around here (don't open till gone 8am, don't have a back up if they're ill etc) and I'm a teacher so no chance I can just take a week off because a childminder's decided to go on holiday. Nurseries cover themselves better like this.
My DS loves the interaction with other children, the numerous activities they do (painting/cooking/playing in garden/water and sand stuff) and absolutely adores his nursery workers-possibly as much as he loves me. When we arrive at the gate, he toddles in and barely says goodbye to me!
Hes now 20 months and can do the most amazing array of things. Perhaps I'm just a bad (single) parent, but there's no way I could have done as much with him as they do, and he'd have been far more isolated. There are 8 in his room, and he's had to learn to share with all of them.

I knew he was happy there, when he stopped saying goodbye to me in the mornings, and didn't seem to want to leave when I got there (he wanted me to come and play in the garden with them all). Nursery update Tapestry (nursery app) roughly once a week, but they chat about what he's done every evening, and will ring me if there are any issues during the day.

Hi OP

My now 6 yo went FT from 6 months to my workplace nursery and we left it totally in love with the place when he went to school.

just before he went to school - our baby DD was born and we made a particular point to put her name down as soon as she was born. Like her big brother she too went FT from 6 months and has had/has the exact same key carer.

having had two chances with two children I would never do it differently. If we had a third (we won’t!) we would repeat the same again in the exact same place.

We also socialise a lot with this nursery. Farm days, parent coffees, mothers days, discos, social media groups - etc - but also - lasting parent/mum friendships that are now well into primary school years. We found a real community through this.

they took great care of DS right from toddling through to entering reception as a confident kid with loads of friends and very able reader and writer already. And they are taking fantastic care of DD who’s coming on in leaps and bounds. They’ve gone above and beyond to support bilingualism despite not knowing the script of my mother tongue!

find somewhere that you like, find like minded fellow working parents who can recommend personally and go with your gut.

Hi @Cafeaulait27

I work in a nursery, have worked at a few for over 20 years.

To try and hopefully alleviate your worries (which are perfectly natural tbh!). The nursery baby room should be staffed by the same staff as much as possible for this very reason - babies like familiarity. It's important they get to build a bond with the people who are caring for them when they aren't with their parents, personally any nursery which switches staff around isn't a great one in my opinion.

I agree with you in regards to high turnover of staff. It is a worry, so I would see if you can do a bit of digging to find out how frequently people leave - take into account some it will be for reasons not linked to pay/being unhappy with the nursery itself.

Visit as many as you can, they are all a little bit different. Personally, I'd be looking for happy children (obviously!), a good range of activities and if children look bored, staff who are looking at how to engage children again. Outside provision - a big one for me. Does the manager seem approachable?

Good luck!

A good nursery is a fantastic thing. Both of mine have been full-time since about ten months and they adore it, they're 4 and nearly 2 now. The staff are lovely and the turnover isn't bad at all - there's a core staff that have been there all along, and a few who are grannies and have that lovely typical calm cuddly granny vibe.

The weather has been nice this week, yesterday the baby room went out at 9am, had their snack as a picnic on the beach and then went to the playground. The day before they went to feed the ducks.

The eldest has made real friendships there, and will move to primary school with several of them in September.

When you view, trust your instinct and pay attention to the vibe and how the staff interact with the children. I viewed a few and the one with the best facilities was my least favourite, I found out months later that it's not a nice place to work and there isn't a good atmosphere among the staff.

Why are you not keen on childminders doing school pick ups? Babies/toddlers with older siblings do school runs with parents all the time. It's just another social occasion.

My thirteen month old attends nursery two days a week and does one day a week with my mil. She loves both. She’s been going for a couple of months. They did some settling sessions both with and without me and were really good reassuring me on her first full sessions. They’re really friendly and the reports are amazing. I’m really happy with them and confident they’re taking good care of her. They’ve catered to her dietary restrictions and got her eating all sorts of stuff she’d never touch at home! She gets to do lots of messy sensory play and enjoys the company of the other babies. Visit a few places and research and see what feels right.

Can't speak for OP, but I wanted the DC in with children their own age so that activities would always be appropriately targeted and when they were babies I wanted their routines from home to be (broadly) followed rather than working around school pickup times. Plus ours go for walks everyday but they can vary them - nicer to go to the beach one day and feed the ducks the next than always be going back and forth to school.

Others of course will feel completely different which is fine, just explaining our reasoning.

I wouldn't write off CM just because of the school run thing. I think what can be great about CM is the way that this kind of care can mimic what life would be like if they were at home with you. As well as doing educational stuff at home with the CM they'll also go to playgroups, parks, the supermarket, post office etc and they'll probably love going on the school run and seeing the big kids. Little ones are always, always watching what the bigger kids are doing and they learn a lot from them so being in a family-style small, mixed age group setting can really have advantages.

That's not to say a good nursery might not suit you better, so it's a good idea to explore both options.

Both my DC went to nursery from 13m for 2 days a week. There were tears at drop off for the first few weeks but they quickly settled once in. I felt the same as you before they started but they have both thrived and learnt so much and I'm really pleased with our choices.

The nursery I chose was actually my least favourite on paper after reading care inspectorate reports, but as soon as I went in on our first visit I wanted DC to go. The staff were great and took DC to play which he was happy with. I didn't feel as comfortable in other ones I visited, so that made choosing easier.

Some have online journals to see what they're upto and they're always happy if you want to phone to hear how they're doing. Nurseries are used to dealing with parents like us!

We sent our boy to nursery when he was 12mo and I went back to work 3 days a week. He really struggled for the first 6 months and hated it but turned a corner when he was about 18mo.
I don't really like the nursery and had put his name down at a childminder to get him out but when a place finally came up he was doing great at nursery so I didn't then want to upset the apple cart and shift him.

I dont like that he seems just a number in the revolving routine of nappy changes, meals, naps and staff changes throughout the day. The staff are not very enthusiastic (though this could be better elsewhere) and I think the main thing that he struggled with is that the routine at nursery was for 1 nap day. He didn't drop his morning nap til 17mo. He would sometimes have a morning nap at nursery but usually not and would be a wreck later on. Everything seemed to go much better when he naturally shifted to one nap.

If I had another I'd do childminder or nanny to 18mo/2 years then nursery. It is good to have a big room with all the activities and other children but in our case he would have been better off with more 1:1 care and be able to form a good bond with the caregiver until he became a bit older, more confident and able to communicate etc.

Thank you so much for these replies, really reassuring and helpful.

I can see the positives of ‘normal’ home life with a childminder, continuity of care etc but on the other hand I don’t know much about where to start with the CM search and also as someone posted above I worry that it would be difficult with mixed ages to follow routines and make sure activities are age appropriate. I also worry that babies would get ‘ignored’ a bit because older children can be more loud in communicating what they want and can engage in play more? (But totally understand this is more ‘normal’ and how it would be sometimes if our boy had siblings!) My gut feeling just tells me that a nursery would provide more focused care and also I just don’t know of any childminders or how to find a good one. I think we just feel it’s not right for us…

its weird - out of the nurseries we’ve visited, the first one we thought was absolutely awful despite it rated outstanding by ofsted and lots of people recommending it on local fb groups and a few personal recommendations. We found it so chaotic and just didn’t get a good vibe, we saw a few instances of children looking bored/being ignored and just didn’t like it almost to the point of ruling our nursery altogether… but then we saw one that we absolutely loved, again rated outstanding, but on local fb groups quite a few people slag it off saying it’s not the place they make out they are on show rounds. It was very confusing for us as we got such a good feel for it when we went. It seemed very well run, children looked really happy and well looked after, baby room looked lovely and huge green garden. It’s so confusing? I’ve been meaning to email to ask them about staff turnover and just dig a little more. Not sure whether the people slagging it off online are disgruntled ex staff, it may all be true, or whether it’s because the nursery comes across a bit posh and pretentious.

we’ve got a few more to visit but it does seem quite hard to get a real feel for a place.

@Geranium1984 that is my worry too, our lad is quite sensitive and sometimes quiet in social situations (although he is only 7 months atm but I feel like he is not as outgoing as some other babies). I’d hate for him to be scared and upset. Sounds like you had quite a hard time, I’m glad it worked out in the end for you though.

on one hand I feel like it would be amazing for him and he’d love it, but the staff thing does worry me a bit. I guess I need to just keep viewing them and ask lots of questions before deciding.

When my DD was a baby we didn't have the luxury of 12 months of maternity leave. She went full time from 4.5 months old. We chose a family run nursery initially, which unfortunately closed as she turned 2, but luckily we found a brilliant work place nursery thereafter. I've also worked with a number of nurseries professionally.

I would find out of there is any scope for additional sessions if you're relying on family for childcare. One of my colleagues is having a dreadful time trying to get cover when his family are ill, want to go on holiday etc. Ask the nursery what their closure policy is. Do they insist on you paying for 52 weeks each year or if the nursery is forced to close due to illness, bad weather etc. Ask to see their menus and check what they do & don't provide.

@HewasH2O thank you that’s such useful advice! I will defo ask about that.

as someone that’s worked in nurseries, would you say that 1 year olds are generally happy there? Is it good to do just 2 days? I feel like it’ll be a good balance for him and a nice change of scene once he’s settled in, I think I would be more worried if it was full time, but great to hear your child was happy full time with the family run nursery.

I've never been involved in the childcare side. Why do you think I was so keen to go back to work full time when she was tiny! I think a lot of parents worry unnecessarily.

My DD started nursery 3 days a week at 9 mo and was with a grandparent on an additional day. It did take her awhile to settle in properly, she seemed to settle within about a fortnight in terms of engaging and not crying much etc but to be honest it wasn't for a few months before she napped better there or stopped crying at drop off etc. And the staff commented a few months later she had become vocal at nursery whereas was very quiet before then, and she was always very vocal at home. So really I would say it did take a few months to properly settle for her. She was a 'shy' baby with very strong stranger anxiety. Once she was fully settled she did thrive and loved it. She is nearly 4 and still attends the setting albeit only 2 days a week now I'm on mat leave and she loves it. When we visited this nursery, in their reception they had a huge noticeboard with all the staff members on it - their photos, names, qualifications, brief sentence or two about their experience and/or special areas of interest and all had their start dates on. We noticed a high proportion of the staff had been at the nursery since it opened about 7 years earlier so we thought that was a good sign in terms of low staff turnover and was definitely a significant factor in us picking the nursery. It has been true as well, there has been limited staff changes/staff leaving and it's never had much of an impact on her. We are happy with the nursery and our baby is due to start in the autumn when he will be about 11 months for 2 days a week.

Not all childminders do school runs....although if you went on mine and saw the chat about birds, insects man hole covers, colours, numbers letters etc...you would see its fun .....we take pictures to use at home for exploring with paint glue etc....babies would have it in a zip loc bag of paint/ gel/ gloop to squidge etc.
Ofsted inspect us to make sure the needs of a children are met...your report would say if you were neglecting the needs and learning of any age group or individual so we have to show how we do activities with all the children at one time.
A nursery may have 2 or 3 staff in one room but with 4 children each ( staff can also be out of the room not always in it) so I have 1 under 1 and 2 toddlers in my room. We're all doing things in my sight or directly with me nobody is overlooked.
You can look at childminders on your local authority website or use pacey, childcare.co.uk or personal recommendations....generally you ring round have a chat see which ones sound good fits and go visit z few. I personally meet parents out of hours for a chat then they return when I'm working to play they can see the relationships with the children and how warm it is, they also can talk to parents a mine are happy to be called...look at my feedback forms that include what they liked or didnt like ...children do them too. We do several visits before agreeing to start then some settling visits and if not working there is z month to change things or leave ....nobody ever has. All my families have stayed through multiple children from babys through to senior school.