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Original poster

Pay for nursery during the holidays?

38 replies

Cirelle · 01/04/2022 14:28

My 4yo has no children to play with at home. I have no relatives or friends with children and no children live in our street. He had an awful time during the pandemic because he had nobody to play with for a year and a half. I play with him but it’s not the same as playing with other children. His social skills were badly affected by this isolation and he still hasn’t recovered.

He now gets funding to attend nursery 2.5 hours a day, 5 days a week, term time only. His social skills have improved massively. I’m concerned about the upcoming holidays, especially the six week summer holiday, because he’s going to be isolated with me again.

Is it worth spending £1k so he can continue attending nursery for a couple of hours each day during the holidays? I can’t afford it but I can put it on a credit card. I just don’t want him to be isolated again.

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Beees · 01/04/2022 14:31

I certainly wouldn't spend money you didn't have to send him to nursery, especially as it's quite likely many of his friends are also term time only and won't actually be there.

Surely there is lots of much cheaper ways for him to socialise during the holidays such as play groups, trips to the park or activity days.

Lazydaisydaydream · 01/04/2022 14:33

Do you work? Or are you free during the day to take him out to places where he can play? I would think the £1k could be much better spent elsewhere, and children can be entertained easily outside of nursery.

Sirzy · 01/04/2022 14:35

Assuming your home then it would be madness to get into debt like that.

Take him to soft play and things if necessary, or just enjoy the 1-1 time together

BaileysBreakfast · 01/04/2022 14:35

Is there a local mums’ Facebook group or similar where you can ask if anyone local would like to meet up for park play dates? I did this when my dd was 4 and we moved to a new area. I said we don’t have any local friends yet and asked if anyone had dc aged 4 who were starting reception the following year in our local primary and several mums answered and met up with us in parks a few time them in our houses once we got to know each other. 8 years later I’m still friends with 2 of those mums.

JurassicPerks · 01/04/2022 14:37

If you dont need childcare, can you find a holiday club or similar that will take him? There are loads round us that do half days or 9-3 so come in much cheaper than nursery.

IceVolcanoes · 01/04/2022 14:38

There are lots of play scheme/activities in the holidays (and in term time) that you could sign him up to. That might be a better option for you.

lunar1 · 01/04/2022 14:38

Have a look for premier sports clubs in your area. They are significantly cheaper and lots of fun for children.

Hugasauras · 01/04/2022 14:44

Do you work? There's loads of stuff going on during the summer for kids if you are around to take him places. Even just the play park will be teeming with kids for him to engage with during the summer holidays, there will be loads of cheap events going on with other children. Do you know any of the other nursery parents?

Original poster
Cirelle · 01/04/2022 14:44

I take him to the park but I tend to find he plays on the equipment independently and doesn’t interact with other kids; on a weekday there are often no other kids there anyway. I also take him to the zoo and to museums or gardens, but again that doesn’t create opportunities to play with other kids because he’s walking around with me. I’m autistic and don’t feel able to take him to play groups with strangers, I’ve tried in the past (pre Covid) and it made me feel scared and anxious. Are there even any play groups operating nowadays after Covid?

Nursery works because I leave him there with the staff and I don’t need to do any social interaction myself. Due to my autism I’m not able to facilitate social interaction for him - if he isn’t at nursery then he’ll be at home with me during the holidays.

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Hugasauras · 01/04/2022 14:45

Cross-posted. I think there are far worse things to spend £1000 on, but will it get you into financial difficulties longer term? Is there any scope to drop days just for the holidays and do a couple of mornings instead of five?

Beees · 01/04/2022 14:47

I’m autistic and don’t feel able to take him to play groups with strangers, I’ve tried in the past (pre Covid) and it made me feel scared and anxious. Are there even any play groups operating nowadays after Covid?

There are loads of playgroups. Where I am it's back to like it was pre covid. If you don't feel comfortable taking him places then a play scheme seems more sensible. There will be plenty of options for him where you drop him off and then collect him later and all will be cheaper than spending £1,000 you don't have on nursery.

A week or 2 of holiday club will be plenty and still allow you to spend time together.

Original poster
Cirelle · 01/04/2022 14:57

Do you work? Or are you free during the day to take him out to places where he can play?
I don’t currently work, I’m returning in September when he starts school. I can take him out to play, but as I said there aren’t always other kids there, and even if there are some kids he doesn’t interact with them because they’re strangers. It took him a long time to come out of his shell at nursery and be familiar enough to play with people. I’ve tried soft play and play groups in the past but I can’t cope with those, people kept looking at me and speaking to me, and again he didn’t interact with the other kids because they’re strangers. I’m not going to be making play dates with other mums either, the mere idea fills me with horror. Not that any other mums would want to spend time with me anyway. I don’t want any friends, I just want my son to have friends.

I thought nursery would be a good option because he’s familiar with the setting and the staff, and hopefully some of his friends would be there. I can leave him and he gets social interaction without me having to do anything or have any social interaction myself. My only concern is the money and whether it’s worth the investment. The alternative is being with me during the holidays with no other kids to play with.

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Original poster
Cirelle · 01/04/2022 15:01

I could send him to a play scheme I suppose but would that be any cheaper than half days at nursery? I don’t know how well he’d cope with an unfamiliar place and people. He goes into nursery without crying, I can’t guarantee the same will apply to a play scheme with strangers. How do you even find out what play schemes are available, I don’t know of any?

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IceVolcanoes · 01/04/2022 15:24

There are often free or very low cost summer play schemes available. If you’re on UC, your work
Coach might be able to signpost you to some. Or speak to your HV.

Dogsandbabies · 01/04/2022 15:31

There are loads of playgroups around us. Everything is back open. So there must be some around you too. Look on a local Facebook page. Ask other parents at the park or the playground. We are new to the area so I just said I was new and asked if they know of any.

Some charge but actually there are loads of free or token contribution. Usually in church halls or local library. My little boy and I met lots of other parents and children his age that way.

Embracelife · 01/04/2022 15:33

Look on your local authority website for summer playchemes.
Ask at the school (s) nearby
Ask on local parent Facebook group or next door

Beees · 01/04/2022 15:37

The trouble is he is still quite young so you will need to help him facilitate finding someone to play with and helping to model social interaction. If you're not comfortable with that and don't want to go to groups, soft play or other activities then a play scheme or him attending nursery are likely your only options.

You'll be able to find information on this on face book or maybe by asking the nursery. The best option would be to ask other parents as thats how most people find stuff out but it doesn't sound like you're comfortable with that.

Bananabutter · 01/04/2022 15:41

Playgroups and baby classes have been open for a year now. I’ve been taking my daughter since last April.

I understand you feel scared and anxious but you have to put your son first. He needs to be brought up in social settings that aren’t structured like nursery like soft play, the park, playgroups etc.

His social skills will be affected if you don’t and he will probably grow up scared and anxious too. I’m sure you don’t want this as you know how miserable it’s made you.

Original poster
Cirelle · 01/04/2022 16:38

The trouble is he is still quite young so you will need to help him facilitate finding someone to play with and helping to model social interaction
No I can’t model social interaction. I don’t know how to do it myself because I have autism. This is the problem right here. I need to send him somewhere to have social opportunities I can’t provide and learn social skills from people who aren’t autistic. Nursery is ideal for that but his funding doesn’t cover the holidays.

I understand you feel scared and anxious but you have to put your son first
I do put him first. However I can’t wave a magic wand and make my disability disappear. There are certain things I can’t do.

I will try checking the local authority website for play schemes, thanks. It might be cheaper than nursery.

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IceVolcanoes · 01/04/2022 18:24

Really do give your HV a call. They can be a gateway to things like more nursery provision where there’s a developmental need. Or just referrals to free or inexpensive services. Explain the problems your autism causes you and the barriers it presents to your DS’s social development.

I know HVs get bashed on MN regularly but they can be brilliantly helpful.

11stonesomething · 01/04/2022 18:37

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

insancerre · 01/04/2022 18:38

Ask the nursery if you can stretch the funding to all year round so he goes in the holidays
It means you get 11 hours a week instead of the normal 15, but it would mean he could go in the holidays without it costing you more.

ZenKaleidoscope · 01/04/2022 18:41

Can you arrange play dates with his friends from nursery?

What about classes or clubs?

Could he do say the last two weeks of the summer holidays?

Or just one day a week at nursery?

Sounds like you are a caring and attentitive mother. Well done!! Flowers

Bananabutter · 01/04/2022 18:59

I do put him first. However I can’t wave a magic wand and make my disability disappear. There are certain things I can’t do.

Nobody’s asking you to make it disappear, but you need to find ways to work around it. You can do these things, you just find them uncomfortable, and you need to push through it for the sake of your son.

It’s not fair, normal or healthy for him to be brought up in social solitude bar nursery. He needs to go to playgrounds, play groups and soft play. He needs unstructured play time with other brand new children.

You brought him into this world and you need to give him coping mechanisms and life skills. You can’t let him grow up anxious and scared and you shouldn’t model that behaviour in front of him (you may not be deliberately doing so but he can and will pick up on it).

You need to make a conscious effort to bring your son up in a normal, healthy, social environment.

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 01/04/2022 19:06

@Cirelle
I'd second speaking to your HV

I'm very sorry your autism is causing you social anxiety and appreciate that's incredibly difficult but please speak to someone like your GP and get some support otherwise your child will miss out on activities and as he goes to school he'll make friends and want play dates and be invited to parties etc and hopefully in time you'll feel ok with this when you get to know the other mums. X