Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

Flip

Original poster

Opinion on child's behaviour at nursery

11 replies

mummyof12021 · 31/03/2022 13:51

Hi everyone,

I’m just needing some honest and reassuring words and advice.

My 13 month old is on his 3rd week at nursery. Take out the issues re: cold he picked up, a sickness bug and then covid (still has a cough that wakes him at night, so it’s been tough going for weeks)

The last 2 days when I’ve dropped him off, he’s cried as we’ve pulled up. He was only having a little cry at the door before, but now it’s like he knows and he hates it. When I’ve called nursery he’s eaten and slept ok, but been really subdued and sitting in a bouncer and playing! He never does that at home and is far more hyper. It’s just concerning me.

Yesterday I picked him up earlier as he was so out of sorts, but today he has to stay until 5 as I have meetings in the office. I did call the nursery and they said he was a bit emotional eating his porridge, but then he went to sleep in about 2 mins.

I just feel incredibly sad and worried that it’s all too much for him. I don’t think it helps his sleep has been off either. He’s been in my bed for 2 weeks now on and off as he’s been so unsettled. I do need to try and get him back in his cot as I’m sure we’re disturbing each other, but it’s hard as I just want him to feel reassured. Someone also told me the other day that he falls asleep so quickly at nursery because he’s traumatised and I can’t get it out of my head. Surely that’s not true?

I’d love to hear from Mums who have been through or going through nursery transition.

I’m not back at work until the 19th of April, so I’m hoping things will be better by then! He is at nursery 3 days a week from 7:30/8 until 4:30/5.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TeamSpike · 31/03/2022 13:59

Hi OP. I've been a nursery nurse for 14 years and this all sounds completely normal. He's going to be unsettled after being poorly and he's still settling in as well. The best thing to do is keep up with the routine and try not to be anxious around him going into nursery. What your friend said about falling asleep quickly because he's traumatised is complete rubbish! If he's sleeping well there it shows he feels safe and comfortable.

Don't give up. This time makes us all feel awful for leaving them when they're upset but he will be fine. Best wishes x

Original poster

mummyof12021 · 31/03/2022 14:06

Oh @TeamSpike thank you so much for this.

So being subdued and off his food (he's not completely off) but definitely isn't eating as much there isn't a cause for concern? I did think him recovering from being ill may be a major factor, but he's not like this at home. He's also changed a little too at home when he's been to nursery. He seems angry if that makes sense and is irritable. He also is more tired than usual which I get, so I've been putting him to bed a little earlier.

I have another question for you? If ok? Im concerned about the naps. So, for example he was having 2 naps with me and now at nursery he's having 3 and it's purely because he's second nap finishes at 1:30. If he went to bed at 5:30 he would be up so early, so I don't know what to do for the best? Am I messing with his sleep routine/pattern? Xx

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 31/03/2022 14:13

I’ve worked in nurseries for years and years and I’ve never had a child fall asleep quickly because they’re traumatised. Quite the opposite I often find kids who aren’t settling won’t sleep well at nursery.

Not eating as much doesn’t seem too worrying to me either - he has only been there a few weeks so it’s all new at the moment. But of course if you feel it’s not right then you know.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 31/03/2022 14:22

I’m wondering if it’s not a problem with nursery, but a problem with how few days he’s had to adjust. If he’s only going 3 days per week, and had been off sick a large portion of those days with COVID, then he’s probably just not finding a routine and a rhythm yet.

We had a similar issue with DC3. DC1 and DC2 both started nursery 3-4 days per week, attended rigorously, and ADORED it from the start. We started DC3 on 2.5 days per week and he missed a number of days due to COVID isolating. When he went back, he seemed unsettled. The daycare director suggested I send him 4 or 5 days one week which seemed really counter-intuitive to me… but she was 100% right. He did a full week and by Day 3 was absolutely loving it. Eating, sleeping and playing brilliantly, happy to be dropped off in the morning, and cheerful (though tired!) at home in the evening.

I’d try doubling down for a week or two and see if that helps.

Original poster

mummyof12021 · 31/03/2022 14:25

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers oh really? Perhaps I'll speak to the nursery and see if I can do that. Thank you.

OP posts:

TeamSpike · 31/03/2022 14:27

@mummyof12021

Oh *@TeamSpike* thank you so much for this.

I wouldn't worry about the food too much. As long as he's eating something. Him being irratable at home would suggest he's just more tired and possibly over stimulated. It's just because he's not used to it yet.

Re naps. Is he having 3 at nursery because he's falling asleep or are the staff putting him down for a 3rd nap when maybe he doesn't need it. You're the parent so it's up to you how he sleeps. At my nursery we do have set nap times so it might be that he's adjusting to this at nursery. Talk to the staff about what his routine is like at home and hopefully they can put him down for naps around the same time as you do. Late naps can be a nightmare because it can mess with his bedtime routine but they tend to be more tired by the end of the day after starting nursery so he just might not be able to make it til bedtime! Feel free to pm me if you have any more questions

Original poster

mummyof12021 · 31/03/2022 15:26

@TeamSpike thank you! If you don't mind, I would love to PM you? That's so kind. I don't know how to do it though - lol.

OP posts:

TeamSpike · 31/03/2022 15:45

If you go on the site on the browser, not the app you'll have your profile icon in the top right corner. In there there's a bit for private messages

Original poster

mummyof12021 · 31/03/2022 16:57

@TeamSpike thank you!

OP posts:

Psychgrad · 21/05/2022 09:28

I think trust your guy as it’s never wrong. I personally think a more intimate relationship with a childminder or nanny is better at this age, I’ve worked as a nanny and nursery staff in the past and the children in my care as a nanny hardly ever cried when their mum left while at nursery most of them did.

jannier · 21/05/2022 13:32

What we're his settling in sessions like? I've generally met baby and parents 3 times before we do an hour with just the lo then build up so I've done a nap then a feed gradually extending the day at babys pace. At the end of a session parent comes in we have a gentle hand over so can discuss how it's going babys don't sob for days on end and you don't need extra days.

Can I ask why a 13 month old is I a bouncer? They are not supposed to be used for babies who can sit for saftey

Flip