Need some advice from more experienced hands.
Eldest DC is at pre-school with an age range of 3 to 6. My DC isn't the youngest and isn't the oldest.
They started at this particular one after we moved house in the summer. I was delighted especially that we managed to get in as it is supposedly so lovely and always oversubscribed and after them going to a slightly (dare I say it) rougher pre-school near where I used to work prior to moving.
All wonderful at first but since Nov I feel there has been a shift that I couldn't put my finger on, close to Xmas DC told me two things about someone pushing them and pointed to a picture of a few other children (same-sex) stood together (from the closed nursery Facebook group) and said that's the one that hits me....DC wouldn't then point them out of the group and I only knew one of their names. Left both these things as they're going to happen aren't they as a one off, DC is still so little relatively and I had no idea in what context or whether they were indeed telling the truth/remembering correctly.
Since then there has been a lot of mention of one individual not being 'kind' and being 'angry' and 'bad' (we don't really use angry or bad) and the pushing, but we have no idea if they are remembering that one incident or if this is ongoing. I chatted to a couple of people in confidence and it appears this person is a 'known offender' as are more than several others inc who we now think is the 'hitter'.
All these kids are closer to 5/6 I believe, certainly older than DC.
Last week I asked DC if they were looking forward to going back to nursery tomorrow and they didn't say anything for a while and then said 'everyone hits me' I was like whoa?? Whaaatttt. DP and I broke this down between us and it's clearly not everyone but we think it is these two particular individuals one pushing and being mean (from things DC recounted) and one hitting. I asked DC re the hitting and asked do they say anything, DC said 'no they just get grumpy face and hit me'. And last night at bedtime I was asking them about nursery and they said 'everyone always has a grumpy face' and looked a bit sad.
I'm ashamed to say I was shocked, it is a fee-paying preschool and given, granted, the limited information I have would have thought the children would come from nice homes and be being well brought up, and certainly wouldn't be happening on the scale this seems to be. It involves around 5 protagonists (not all with my DC though) and having spoken to others and thought about what DC has told me goes beyond just playground/toddler sillyness as the ones who are doing it (I would have thought) are very much old enough and bright enough to know better.
I have though been advised not to bother saying anything as it has been previously explained away and minimised by the nursery and the feeling is they are unwilling to do anything.
The conversations I have had are along the lines of well it could be a lot worse, (sub text...at a worse place). The thing is DC has been in a worst place, granted not for long at all with Covid and then moving in the summer, but nothing like this was ever mentioned and incidentally, I spent a lot of time on-site at the previous place (outdoors) last spring/summer on and off as DC was struggling to settle, I witnessed nothing that would indicate any such behavior. The people I have spoken to have seen this going on more than once in the play area and on school outings at this current place.
So what do I do? Is this normal, from the children to the school's response?? I think we should say something but DP on the fence given what we've been told.
Also incidentally, DP, our CM (who sometimes does pick up) and I have also noticed the parents of these children (who we're definitely sure of). Are so unfriendly/cliquey to downright rude in comparison to others!