Sons been invited to his first party! Gift etiquette?!

[cantthinkofaname2021]

Hello! My sons started nursery recently and has been invited to a party this weekend, his first ever. I've just messaged his mum to say he is attending, I've never met them before though. Should I ask her what sort of thing her son likes? Or just choose myself? If so what is a good gift for a 4 year old boy these days?!

Also, @MonkeyPuddle I've seen you on the Style and Beauty threads often. You buy lots of expensive beauty products. It's not that you can't afford a decent present for children's birthdays. It's that you don't want to. Just own it.

@cantthinkofaname2021 the girls get £5 worth necklace / bracelet sets from Claire's or Sainsburys etc.

You literally just quoted what I wrote, I didn’t say I didn’t want to spend that money.

So you would rather have your child receive a charity shop gift?

My attitude isn’t rude. If I don’t have a tenner to spend on a kids gifts I don’t have a tenner. I’ve currently got £23 in the bank to last til payday and a gas and electric prepayment meter that eats money. But yeah, I’m being fucking rude cos little Timmy’s mum and dad can afford to host a party and therefore I should spend a certain amount in return for the invite?!?

And yes, I understand an invite isnt a summons and I could decline the invite, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t want a parent feeling like their child couldn’t attend a party because their parents can’t afford a larger present.

So, they get what I can afford.

No I don’t 😂

A card, a Gift bag with a couple bags of sweet and a little toy in.
That'll do. I usually just go for like Tesco 3 bags for £1 or whatever.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/333873801258?mkevt=1&mkcid=1&mkrid=710-53481-19255-0&campid=5338792760&toolid=10029&customid=CjwKCAiA9tyQBhAIEiwA6tdCrOEYVryuFysxL4KxBLYGbalc3Twxxcbs68goN4-Qorrzvwha8HjQCRoCszIQAvD_BwE&gclid=CjwKCAiA9tyQBhAIEiwA6tdCrOEYVryuFysxL4KxBLYGbalc3Twxxcbs68goN4-Qorrzvwha8HjQCRoCszIQAvD_BwE

Get these! They've gone down really well, DS's friends (all 4-year-olds) all want to play with his at our house.

PinkSyCo
Fwiw my child would be delighted if everyone got him a book. He loves books. Some totally bizarre attitudes on this thread.

My DCs loved books too, which is why we joined the library and I bought them lots of books.
This makes no sense whatsoever but it’s kind of irrelevant to the thread anyway!

It means that I provided my children with books, rather than asking all their party guests to give them.

@MonkeyPuddle

You literally just quoted what I wrote, I didn’t say I didn’t want to spend that money.

So you would rather have your child receive a charity shop gift?

My attitude isn’t rude. If I don’t have a tenner to spend on a kids gifts I don’t have a tenner. I’ve currently got £23 in the bank to last til payday and a gas and electric prepayment meter that eats money. But yeah, I’m being fucking rude cos little Timmy’s mum and dad can afford to host a party and therefore I should spend a certain amount in return for the invite?!?

And yes, I understand an invite isnt a summons and I could decline the invite, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t want a parent feeling like their child couldn’t attend a party because their parents can’t afford a larger present.

So, they get what I can afford.

I don't have any issue with receiving or giving charity shop gifts. Why should I?

Also no issue with regifting or being given regifted presents. Which is a good option, presuming you have parties for your own kids?

I have a bag and whenever I see bits when I'm shopping I top it up. Mostly things like reading books, colouring books, packs of crayons/pencils etc. When the kids get invited to parties I wrap up 2 or three items and throw in some sweets or chocolate. I figure these sorts of items don't take up too much room and most hids have sooooo many toys already.

@OnlyAFleshWound because the hot wheels car isn’t good enough for you so why would a second hand gift be? Your standards of gifts as bizarre. Giving a newly bought gift of £3 isn’t ok but a second hand gift of under a fiver is ok?

And no, so far DS who is 4, 5 in summer hasn’t had a birthday party. And I certainly wouldn’t be asking for gifts, anything received would be gratefully accepted.

When my DCs were small I bought a job lot of children's books in the sales for parties. Saved a lot of time and energy.

As pp say, I normally get something around £5-£7. Have a look on Amazon for small Duplo or Playmobil sets around £6-£7; or The Works do kids’ books for £1-£2 each and three of those plus a small toy and a 50p bottle of bubbles is always good (if you are ever near IKEA their little £1 or £3 soft toys are great to put with books).

For girls I stock up on nightlights and cute little things from Rex London when they’re in the sale (keep an eye on their sales, as they are a great source of unusual cheap but lovely kids’ gifts - some great games for both girls and boys too). You can stock up in their sales with great gifts for kids’ birthdays that cost a fraction of the usual price for only a couple of quid!

Flying Tiger too: it’s got some great stuff for presents for young kids - everything from art stuff to puzzles and small toys, you can’t go wrong!

If I don't know the child then I would ask the parents what they like.
Magazines with plastic toys on the cover go down very well
I don't buy books or clothes, I try to buy fun things like, bath foams/bombs or art) craft supplies, even kids baking supplies.
I avoid toys if I don't know what they want because of duplicates.
As they get older it's so much easier as you can just ask the child at school pick up what they want..

When mine were that age I would say £5-8 for a friends birthday gift. And I would always text the mum to ask what their child was into.

If they are awkward and just do a sweeping "oh anything" they get a fiver in the card.

@PinkSyCo

PinkSyCo Fwiw my child would be delighted if everyone got him a book. He loves books. Some totally bizarre attitudes on this thread.

My DCs loved books too, which is why we joined the library and I bought them lots of books.
This makes no sense whatsoever but it’s kind of irrelevant to the thread anyway!

It means that I provided my children with books, rather than asking all their party guests to give them.

But no one said anything about asking all guests to give the same gift? The OP asked for suggestions of what she should get, I suggested a book. You’ve somehow made a leap from there to the idea that if everyone gave the child a book it would be a big disappointment to the child (which strongly implies that books aren’t good gifts).

Also the fact I buy books for my child and they are a member of a library doesn’t affect whether they’d be interested in receiving a book from someone else (assuming it wasn’t one they already had). So none of it makes any sense.

[quote MonkeyPuddle]@OnlyAFleshWound because the hot wheels car isn’t good enough for you so why would a second hand gift be? Your standards of gifts as bizarre. Giving a newly bought gift of £3 isn’t ok but a second hand gift of under a fiver is ok?

And no, so far DS who is 4, 5 in summer hasn’t had a birthday party. And I certainly wouldn’t be asking for gifts, anything received would be gratefully accepted.[/quote]
Of course you wouldn't "ask for gifts". It's a child's birthday party. Everyone always brings a gift. Why would you ask?! It's not a wedding.

The thread was the op asking for advice on what is an appropriate kind of gift for a 4 year old. As you can see from all the other answers, pretty much everyone spends £5-10 and gets something like an Orchard Toys game or dinosaur egg or book.

If op took your advice and bought a £3 hot wheels toy, she would be out of step with everyone else - which is what she was trying to avoid.

The reason for getting stuff in a charity shop is you can get much better quality presents if you can't afford to buy new. A 4 yr old has no idea if it came from a charity shop or not. You can for example usually get an Orchard game or a good hardback book for a couple of quid.

I have a budget of around £7 and usually just let DS look in a toy shop and choose something around that price.

@OnlyAFleshWound nah you’ve tried to make me out as if I am a liar, essentially calling me tight-fisted. That I’m rude as you believe I’d rather buy foundation than a more expensive gift.
I buy what I can afford. DS has been invited to 3 whole class parties since starting school, I don’t have £30 for gifts. I spent £30 on tickets to a day out for me and the kids today as the Big Treat for half term.

Don’t accuse me of being a liar. Maybe just take a second and try and see things from a tired, broke parent who tries to get a kid a fucking birthday present.

@Marmite27

The last presents I bought for 4 year olds were a box of frozen books from Aldi for £5 and a Gruffalo dobble game for £6.

That's the type of places I go to for my gifts. Only problem is if DD sees then she wants one as well.

[quote MonkeyPuddle]@OnlyAFleshWound nah you’ve tried to make me out as if I am a liar, essentially calling me tight-fisted. That I’m rude as you believe I’d rather buy foundation than a more expensive gift.
I buy what I can afford. DS has been invited to 3 whole class parties since starting school, I don’t have £30 for gifts. I spent £30 on tickets to a day out for me and the kids today as the Big Treat for half term.

Don’t accuse me of being a liar. Maybe just take a second and try and see things from a tired, broke parent who tries to get a kid a fucking birthday present.[/quote]
But op didn't post saying "help, my child has been invited to a party and I can't afford to buy a present".

She posted asking about the standard, normal etiquette. Which is to spend £5-10 on the sort of gifts everyone has recommended.

I'm sorry about your situation but it's not answering what she asked, which is what is expected.

I would think about my child's favourite book and buy a copy of that for the party boy.

Oh - Lidl and Aldi often sell children's books.

Yes @OnlyAFleshWound and I have my opinion, what I do normally.

Asda and wh smiths often have character busy books (book with around 10 character figures) for £6 - £7. Magic painting or stickers books also go down well

OnlyAFleshWound Why would she be 'out of step' by buying a 3 quid Hot Wheels? That's the sort of gifts children gave and received all the time at the parties my daughter attended.