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Original poster

Feel like a terrible mother 😔

22 replies

Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 20:39

My eldest child is at nursery and soon to be moving up to school.
I only ever hear good things from the nursery staff - that they are always playing with different kids, generally well behaved etc... Whenever I peek through the window before I pick them up they're always playing with someone.
The problem is they have never been asked to a child's party from the nursery. Not one.
My husband and I always try and make conversation with other parents in the queue to pickup, but I feel sure that the reason they haven't been invited is we are not part of the 'in crowd' of parents here.
I am a bit sad for them this year but mostly I just don't want it repeated when they move up to school. Is there anything anyone can suggest I can do to stop this happening again? They are such a loving, happy child - I don't want this to dent their confidence.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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PolkaSpace · 18/02/2022 20:41

Is anyone though? There's not been as many since covid I've found.

Aboutcoffee · 18/02/2022 20:42

Are you sure there are parties happening? For my kids parties did not star until primary school.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 18/02/2022 20:43

DD was at nursery from 9 months to the week before she started reception and was invited to 1 birthday party. Big parties with friends tend to start in reception or year 1 rather than at nursery, then y3 onwards they start reducing to small groups of 5ish friends only.

Nostrings457 · 18/02/2022 20:47

I wouldn’t worry, parties at that age are much for the parents and they tend to invite their friends along with their DC. Once in primary school the DC will be choosing who they want to come - reception, Y1 lots of who’s class parties then as they get older reduced to their circle of friends.

Don’t overthink it, there will come a time in the not too distant future you will resenting sacrificing weekends for kids parties Grin

De88 · 18/02/2022 20:48

Have there definitely been parties? We're still in a pandemic after all, leaving aside that at this age, if kids do have one it'll tend to be just a handful of closer friends.

Original poster
Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 20:48

Yep there are a fair few going on - and those are the only ones I know about. When I asked the nursery head if there was something going on with friendship groups because they hadn't been invited, she said that she was surprised my child hadn't been invited to any.

My child has friends outside of nursery (my friends kids) and has been to their parties but literally none from nursery.

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Original poster
Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 20:49

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

DD was at nursery from 9 months to the week before she started reception and was invited to 1 birthday party. Big parties with friends tend to start in reception or year 1 rather than at nursery, then y3 onwards they start reducing to small groups of 5ish friends only.
Thank you, your experience makes me feel a lot better.
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Original poster
Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 20:51

@Nostrings457

I wouldn’t worry, parties at that age are much for the parents and they tend to invite their friends along with their DC. Once in primary school the DC will be choosing who they want to come - reception, Y1 lots of who’s class parties then as they get older reduced to their circle of friends.

Don’t overthink it, there will come a time in the not too distant future you will resenting sacrificing weekends for kids parties Grin

Haha I'm sure you're right. I'm v guilty of overthinking everything - esp when it comes to my kids.
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Applesandpears23 · 18/02/2022 20:53

Has your child had a party? When my daughter had a party I made sure we invited the children whose parties she had been to over the past year.

CaliFrown · 18/02/2022 20:54

IME, young children tend to be invited to the parties of their parents' friends. My DC didn't go to nursery, but were invited to lots of parties when they were very small - not because they were well behaved or particularly lovely, but because I knew all their mothers from NCT and we spent huge amounts of time together (and some of them had DC at nursery, but my DC would still be invited to the parties over nursery friends whose mums the party family didn't know). It'll even itself out more at school.

Original poster
Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 20:57

@Applesandpears23

Has your child had a party? When my daughter had a party I made sure we invited the children whose parties she had been to over the past year.
They've not had a birthday since the last lockdown in 2021 but got one imminently coming up so now wondering what to do about invites.
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Original poster
Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 21:00

@CaliFrown

IME, young children tend to be invited to the parties of their parents' friends. My DC didn't go to nursery, but were invited to lots of parties when they were very small - not because they were well behaved or particularly lovely, but because I knew all their mothers from NCT and we spent huge amounts of time together (and some of them had DC at nursery, but my DC would still be invited to the parties over nursery friends whose mums the party family didn't know). It'll even itself out more at school.
Yes, that makes sense. I feel my youngest child will get a lot more invites as since having them, we're more established in the area and know more parents in their 'year'.
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Iliketeaagain · 18/02/2022 21:07

Honestly, they are over-rated. Best age to start birthday parties is the age at which you can drop and go, rather than loitering around a cold soft-play making conversation with random parents trying to make sure your DC doesn't break themselves or someone else.

It's one (the only!) good thing about covid IMO.

CaliFrown · 18/02/2022 21:11

Honestly @Stateofflux, don't worry about it. It will all happen - and I'm sure you're right about your younger one and you being 'more established'.

NotMyDayJob · 18/02/2022 21:23

We didn't get invited to any parties at nursery (DD started at 11 months) but since she started school it's been non stop. I think there's been about 10? And she only started school in September

Original poster
Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 21:25

@NotMyDayJob

We didn't get invited to any parties at nursery (DD started at 11 months) but since she started school it's been non stop. I think there's been about 10? And she only started school in September
Wow, that's a lot! Hope the same happens for ours ❤️
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SaigonSaigon · 18/02/2022 21:28

Just came on to say I'm in a similar boat. No parties here at all and I'm thinking it's mostly Covid. It's why we didn't have any too. I have an older child and know it should all start regularly come Primary School!

Blughbablugh · 18/02/2022 21:30

My daughter has just started reception and hasn't been invited to any birthday party's. So we have decided to to throw one for her birthday and invited her class. Since her invites have gone out she's had two party invites! Grin
I think it's a covid thing as when she was at nursery she only got invited to one (pre covid).

Original poster
Stateofflux · 18/02/2022 21:42

@Blughbablugh

My daughter has just started reception and hasn't been invited to any birthday party's. So we have decided to to throw one for her birthday and invited her class. Since her invites have gone out she's had two party invites! Grin I think it's a covid thing as when she was at nursery she only got invited to one (pre covid).
That's great! Breaks my heart to think of young kids being left out.
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Rhubarblin · 18/02/2022 22:04

My eldest went to 3 different nurseries from 1.5yrs to almost 5yrs and starting school. I think she only had 1 or 2 invites the entire time. Once she started infant school there were loads, sometimes 3 in a weekend. I'm sure you'll find this happens, loads in infants and then in juniors it calms down as they settle into smaller friendship groups.

My youngest is about to turn 4 and if I was having a party I would just invite children of my friends. She starts school in September but has SEN so I can't imagine there being many invites anyway.

Original poster
Stateofflux · 19/02/2022 08:43

Thank you all for making me feel better about everything ☺️

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Violetmo0n · 20/02/2022 10:52

My sons been at nursery a year and only been invited to 1 party.
No idea if any others going on tbh but we never had one for him due to Covid.
Expecting them to pick up in reception.
They are very young and your going to have years of parties don't worry.

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