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Nurseries

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Original poster

Ex not contributing into nursury fees

20 replies

space91 · 15/02/2022 21:34

Hi all

Myself and my ex have now separated and living seperate. We agreed on parenting 50/50 and have a plan in place.

We both work full time and While my son lives with me sun-wed I agreed on taking him to nursury as the ex works late and I live closer to nursury.

Since the other half and I separated and live in different homes they no longer want to contribute into sharing the nursury fees.

I'm now having to pay for all the fees as he lives with me the days he is in nursury. This includes when he is ill I can't work and won't be paid.

Is the other half right in not contributing into nursury fees? Just looking for some advice :)

P.s I'm trying to communicate with the other half however they want to go down the solicitor/lawyer route with regards to finances unfortunately.

Thanks

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/02/2022 21:36

I'd tell the nursery to invoice (eg) Monday and Tuesdays to you and Wednesdays and Thursdays to the other parent.

Alternatively, you say to Ex "Mondays and Tuesdays are my day with dc. I am therefore cancelling Wednesdays and Thursdays as I no longer require them. Feel free to make your own childcare arrangements for your days, or contact the Nursery to provide bank details for your days.

womaninatightspot · 15/02/2022 21:37

Is there any chance you could qualify for some help with childcare fees via universal credit. I think you are responsible for childcare costs on your days. He should pay for his days.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/02/2022 21:37

Oh shit just seen Nursery days are all your days.

So what days does dc stay with you and what days does he stay with your EX?

AnguaResurgam · 15/02/2022 21:38

If your DS lives with you Sun-Wed, then yes you pay all the childcare and nursery fees for those days. And yes, it's shite when DC are ill and you have to take time off.

The other parent pays for whatever provision they use on their days their days.

cherryonthecakes · 15/02/2022 21:57

If your son lives at your house Sun-Wed then you must pay 100% Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday of nursery.

Your son presumably lives with your ex Thursday-Saturday. He must pay 100% of Thursday and Friday

Have you looked into whether you are eligible for help from UC with your nursery fees?

Original poster

space91 · 15/02/2022 21:59

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Oh shit just seen Nursery days are all your days.

So what days does dc stay with you and what days does he stay with your EX?

Thanks for clarifying. I think it looks like it's going that way. I'll pay..gets to the stage where I'd rather just keep the peace for my sons sake. Especially when solicitors etc are getting involved and already trying to juggle a lot at this time. Thanks

OP posts:

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/02/2022 21:59

Has your ex sorted childcare for his days?

Hercisback · 15/02/2022 21:59

Who pays for Thursday and Friday? Just cancel those days and tell him to sort alternative childcare on those days.

Original poster

space91 · 15/02/2022 22:00

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Has your ex sorted childcare for his days?

They don't need any childcare as they work in evening from home while my son is in bed

OP posts:

Original poster

space91 · 15/02/2022 22:03

@cherryonthecakes

If your son lives at your house Sun-Wed then you must pay 100% Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday of nursery.

Your son presumably lives with your ex Thursday-Saturday. He must pay 100% of Thursday and Friday

Have you looked into whether you are eligible for help from UC with your nursery fees?

I have and eligible which helps. I'd rather just keep peace and pay than trying to speak to solicitors etc..

Thursday and Friday my son stays with the other parent who works in evenings from home while he is in bed asleep

OP posts:

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/02/2022 22:06

If its 50/50 care and he has organised his working hours so that he doesn't pay childcare then I don't really think it's fair for him to contribute to the childcare on your "shift".

I'm assuming you work opposing hours to reduce the childcare cost when you were together? That makes it trickier, to me. You'd be working the hours you work for both of your benefit.

Hercisback · 15/02/2022 22:08

This is a tricky one, so he doesn't actually need the childcare. I can see why he isn't paying for it anymore as rubbish as that is for you.

Hercisback · 15/02/2022 22:09

Apologies, I assumed ex was a he but your posts are all gender neutral. Mixed them up with your ds.

Original poster

space91 · 15/02/2022 22:10

@Hercisback

This is a tricky one, so he doesn't actually need the childcare. I can see why he isn't paying for it anymore as rubbish as that is for you.

Yea 😅 tricky 1 but since posting in here it seems that they have a right to not pay

OP posts:

Kitkat151 · 15/02/2022 22:11

Why should he pay for nursery when he doesn’t need any child care for his days? If the child is ill on your days, you care for him and vice versa.

FelicityPike · 15/02/2022 22:11

Why should the other parent pay for nursery when they don’t use it?
You need the childcare, you pay for it.

Original poster

space91 · 15/02/2022 22:12

@FelicityPike

Why should the other parent pay for nursery when they don’t use it? You need the childcare, you pay for it.

Yup I get it.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 15/02/2022 22:27

I know you've accepted this op, which is great, but I would drop the narrative of 'I'm doing it to keep the peace' as that implies you've been very generous here, when actually, it's entirely fair that you pay for your days.

cherryonthecakes · 15/02/2022 22:30

*I have and eligible which helps. I'd rather just keep peace and pay than trying to speak to solicitors etc..

Thursday and Friday my son stays with the other parent who works in evenings from home while he is in bed asleep*

A solicitor would say that you are 100% responsible for your days and he is 100% responsible for his days.

He is lucky to have no childcare costs while you do but that's life.

roarfeckingroarr · 15/02/2022 22:36

My ex pays half the nursery fees on top of maintenance. It's the only fair way as we earn similar amounts.

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