Would these things bother you?

[MotherOfDragon20]

My 14 month old DD has been in nursery 5 mornings a week since 10 months . Nursery comes highly recommended with a very good ofsted report. Due to covid we’ve had no opportunities to go inside the building and settle days were done in the garden. Prior to starting we were told they play in the garden every day and do all sorts of messy/sensory/structured and unstructured play. Just the usual nursery stuff, all good.

Since starting there’s been a few things bothering me but this is my first child and first childcare experience so I’m not sure if this is all standard and I’m expecting too much.

• we don’t get much feedback on what they do all day we’re told about sleep nappies etc on the app but not what they are actually doing. Think I’ve had 4 pictures since starting.

-we have asked that dummy use is limited to sleep only. Every time I pick her up I see her through the window with her dummy. Also every picture that I have received her and every other child has a dummy in their mouth. This is causing tantrums at home because she wants it all the time.

• quite a few times I’ve picked her up and see her watching coco melon on a tablet. I’m not very strict with screen time and maybe if I new they were doing other fun/education things through the day this wouldn’t bother me so much.

• a few times she’s came home and hasn’t been cleaned very well after a poo and little bits of bum are still on her bum. She is difficult with nappy changes so I know it can be difficult but I just don’t think this is acceptable.

-when she started I provided a puddle suit and outdoor waterproof boots for when playing in he garden, they sent all this stuff home at Christmas to be washed/ updated but they had clearly never been used. We’re in Scotland so it would be pretty clear if they were used regularly!

I feel because of covid it’s very hard to get a feel for nurseries and with my DD being so young I just have no idea what she gets up to every day, but the picture in my head is that she’s stuck in front of a tablet with a dummy shoved in her mouth and it is starting to bother me!

That doesn't sound great to me! I've never seen DD with a tablet. Once they had a movie afternoon as it was a stormy day just before Christmas with not many in so they all sat down with a Disney thing and some snacks, but I wouldn't want her routinely watching TV and especially not just on her own. That would be a red flag for me,

DD's puddlesuit is used every day. They are always outside (north of Scotland). Does that mean she just isn't going outside at all or doing any outside activities?

Can't speak about the dummy thing; never seen any kids at DD's nursery with one although I'm sure there are.

It doesn't sound great.

Is she at nursery for childcare or because you thought it would be good for her to go to nursery?

And our puddlesuit is sent home every week and it always needs to be washed as it is filthy by then!

I moved DD because, despite having a great garden and having been told when we looked round the nursery that they 'go outside every day', they weren't going out much at all.

That thing alone was enough for me to move her. Daylight is essential for development. So much so that the requirement for nurseries to take kids outside is actually in the EYFS guidelines (for England - I imagine Scotland have something similar).

The thing about her dummy could be excused if you remind them and they then stick to it.

Being left dirty isn't acceptable.

If there is an alternative setting, I'd move her if you really think her outdoor wear hasn't been used once yet.

It’s for childcare @NuffSaidSam I work 12 hour shifts and changed every week, so I have her in the afternoon if I’m off or if I’m working her grandparents pick her up.

I’ve asked about the garden and they said they do go out but I really don’t see how? The puddle suit and shoes were brand new and still are! I think I’ll need to question a few things a bit more.

She took SUCH a long time to settle and only since Christmas really has she gone in without crying so I’ve just been so hopeful that it will work out but I think I’ll need to have a chat with them. It’s so difficult because it’s just a quick handover at the door and I know they are busy so it never feels like a good time to address all these issues!

@INeedNewShoes I think your right.

Like I said I’m not overly precious and I know screens are just a past of life now and I’ve certainly used it when I need to at home and If I knew that she was playing outside doing lofts of crafts messy play etc I definitely wouldn’t mind a bit of down time with screens but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I wouldn't expect a 14mo to ever be using a tablet in a nursery setting. I am laid back as they come about screens, but there's no need for it at nursery. I don't think DD's nursery even have any for the children.

I wouldn’t be happy with that. Both of mine have been to large chain nurseries and usually came home knackered.

Screen time on a tablet for a 14mo would get my back right up. If the staff are wanting a quiet activity I would expect them to maybe all cuddle up on the floor with books or a story bag.

I wouldn't be happy about screen time at nursery. I allow it at home but it's really not required at nursery.

Dirty bum, not acceptable.

This doesn’t sound great. I would book a meeting with the nursery manager - not at drop off or pick up time, so that you can have a proper meeting and discuss all your concerns.

Or try to find somewhere else

I would be looking for a new nursery; it doesn't sound good at all.
Dummy use throughout the day will impede speech development and is really lazy, bad practice.
Dirty bottom-unacceptable. Likewise, screen time. You are not paying for her to be babysat by a screen, they should be talking and to and playing with her.
I'm pretty laidback but I wouldn't leave my baby there.

No way would I expect any screens in a nursery. Very weird.
Also most of those other things - dummy particularly, but outside time and not cleaning poo properly - would be enough that I'd enrol her for somewhere else, to be honest. If it was just the one thing you could speak to them about and watch for changes, that would be one thing, but all those things together suggest they don't really care and will just do whatever to make things as easy for themselves as possible.
Have you spoken to other parents about these things?

That just suggests lazy shit care across multiple areas. It sounds like can’t be bothered to engage them properly so it’s dummies and screens, they’re not cleaning properly at nappy changes, they clearly don’t go outside very often if her outdoor stuff is spotless and they don’t provide proper feedback… and that’s just what you know about. I wouldn’t even bother with a chat tbh, they obviously aren’t interested in looking after the children properly so I’d have her out of there ASAP.

The poo on bum is a sign of distinct lack of care. We would be given a severe bollocking from management if a parent reported that to us.
They’re using her dummy to “shut her up” and the tablet to keep her out of their hair.
Children should have free access to outdoor play, or at least an hour of outdoor play a day. Clearly this isn’t happening. Staff probably can’t be arsed.
I would ask to speak to management next time you’re in and I genuinely would consider speaking to the Care Inspectorate if you don’t receive any satisfaction from filing your complaint.

DD has been at her nursery for 3 years and has never used a tablet there. I definitely wouldn’t be happy about this, the nappy thing or the dummy thing. Re the puddlesuit our nursery uses their own wellies, outdoor coats, hats, rainsuits etc (it’s easier than faffing about keeping track of all the children’s own stuff), could they be doing something like this?

Dummy, hygiene and bloody Cocomelon definitely not ok.

You need to check about outside play - when I ran a baby room we packed all childrens own coats and shoes up and used put own outside great and wellies/shoe covers.

Ask for a meeting with the manager to discuss.

Thanks for all your responses, it’s nice to know I’m not being PFB! They have been hit pretty hard with Covid and staff changes which I know unfortunately is common the EY settings however some of these things aren’t acceptable and I’ll have a chat with my husband tonight about if a chat with management or just pulling her out is the right thing to do.

@FelicityPike yup unfortunately “shut her up” is exactly the vide I’m getting, which is so unfortunate because she is such a social little thing and really would thrive in the right environment. The dummy thing is bothering me a lot because it seems to be very much the culture to just give them their dummies given every picture (although there haven’t been many) there are dummies in every mouth and all over the floor. Now there are certainly a time and place for dummy use but I really can’t see why a child would need a dummy when playing on soft play!

To those asking- no they definitely don’t have their own outdoor gear. When she started we were specifically asked for outdoor clothes for the garden which we provided and when we done settle days in the garden all kids were in their own clothes.

Yes, would not be happy but the tablet use would be an absolute deal breaker and I would choose a new nursery.

Pop something in writing to the manager for a better response. It doesn't sound good for them tbh and if it's a written complaint they will have to act on your concerns and talk to ofsted about it (on inspection).

Yeah I don't think that's good enough, particularly the not cleaning nappy area properly. This has never happened at our nursery. The kids are definitely out every day. They don't like dummy, even for sleeping. They only use begrudgingly. I get a good look through the slightly open windows and have never spotted any screens. I think I would voice my concerns and go from there.

I don't think all that is normal, no.

Does she come home messy/mucky like she's been outside with no waterproofs on? We use a fairly old fashioned nursery (no app, written report of the day goes home in their bag), and I don't get a run down if exactly what they do all day but DS usually comes home with the evidence of messy/outdoor play on his clothes!

Wouldn't be happy at the constant dummy or iPad use in such a small child. They should be doing what you've asked them as regards the dummy. I'd move her if you have any other options! It's important you trust the staff to follow your instructions

Hi OP, having had two little ones in nurseries these all sound valid concerns. I would set up a meeting with the manager and go through each of them.

@Tinkles78 she comes home messy but always just food mess from lunch so no evidence of outdoor play, her shoes aren’t messy either which they would be if she was in them outside as it’s a grassed garden. So I think she’s not outside or she’s outside in a pram it’s the only explanation really.

Another issue is a few weeks ago she came home with blue lips I initially though food play or something similar, I realised when I got home that her lips were blue from being cold I asked about this the next day and they said windows need to be opened due to covid and they “had been meaning to mention to parents to dress kids more warmly” I would have thought that would have been a priority!

I'm the slackest parent I know but even I am a bit horrified. I think you should look for another nursery.

Ps hi to another mother of reptiles