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Nurseries

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Original poster

Help!! What shall I do?

14 replies

xhloe · 03/02/2022 22:16

Dd is 2.5 and is very hyper. We went to view a few nurseries and I have my three favourites which I thought would be suitable for dd.

First choice: nurturing atmosphere and has excellent recommendations and attached to a prep school

Second choice: nurturing atmosphere, excellent reviews, bigger playground and also attached to a prep school.

Third choice: nursery and pre prep only and is smaller and has a day care feeling.

Fourth choice: only a Montessori nursery for a year.

Fourth choice: Similar to first and second choice but want dd to be out of nappies by September as she will be 3 then and they allow 3 years old anyway so I don't want to wait until September although their prep school is also excellent.

So dd has attended a taster session which was an hour in the afternoon after lunch with the first choice. They seemed a bit overwhelmed with dd's behaviour although she wasn't hitting (hasn't hit another child for about 5 months now) , didn't have any tantrums or doing anything particularly naughty. She just wasn't listening and it's only the first time she's been in a nursery setting. Her language is coming on and nothing concerning, she just doesn't listen. They want her to attend another few sessions before they offer a place for April which I felt a bit off about this.

Second choice nursery has a opening in April and have already sent the forms and so did the third choice. The third choice has an opening after the half term but I like the first two better.

My question is what would you do? I don't want to be tied to the first choice and miss out on the deadline for the second choice. I want dd to start in April so she could get used to a nursery setting and be ready to do a full year come September. I'm interested in their prep schools as well. Do you think the first choice nursery is being a bit funny and I'm chasing the wrong nursery and should just move onto the second one and fill out those forms? Or do you think the first choice has dd's best interest and want to make sure she is suitable for their setting first and do a smooth transition? I'm just finding this all very confusing and consuming and want to commit to a nursery that will work with me for any behaviour issues and help blend dd into a nursery setting and let her enjoy her time there as well develop her skills and keep her stimulated in an engaging way to help her learn and prepare her.

Please help me. What would you do?

OP posts:

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Original poster

xhloe · 03/02/2022 22:52

Hello anyone there :)

OP posts:

lillelilou · 04/02/2022 12:38

Bump please :)

tokyo1 · 04/02/2022 12:44

I would go for the second option. You like that one as well as the first. It has a similar nurturing atmosphere and excellent reviews. They also have space for when you need it, so it's a no brainer for me.

Hb12 · 04/02/2022 12:46

I'd go for second. Any nursery that seems overwhelmed at the perfectly normal behaviour of a 2.5 yr old wouldn't be for me.

InDubiousBattle · 04/02/2022 12:46

I think I'd be slightly concerned about a nursery that was overwhelmed by a two year old not listening on their first visit, I'd expect them to take such normal two year old behaviour in their stride tbh. I wouldn't go near a nusery insisting children are out of nappies by age three. Are the recommendations you have from friends?

CMOTDibbler · 04/02/2022 12:50

I'd go with the second one. If the first don't want your dd there, its never going to be good

RandomQuest · 04/02/2022 12:54

Second sounds great! If you intend for her to stay there for school Id want a tour of that first before confirming, but otherwise it sounds like a good fit.

lillelilou · 04/02/2022 12:54

The recommendations are from friends, Google search and even here from MN. I've seen the children in the first nursery and they look very happy and have a good staff ratio of 1 staff to 2/3 children. The children there looked perfectly well behaved, quiet and I know my dd would spoil that setting as she is loud, doesn't listen and is very active but the reason why I want that for is so she could learn these and adapt.

The second nursery is also very good but I haven't been around to see it when there were children in as the tour was at 6pm.

I think I'm going to send dd to another taster session and if they drag it and insist on another taster session I will pull the plug.

This is what I'm confused about as it's a non selective nursery/school , so can they just pick and choose the calmer ones?

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 04/02/2022 13:04

Hi my toddler sounds just like yours. Lovely, rarely tantrums, but doesn't really listen and can get hyper. From recent experience, I'd not bother with your first choice of nursery in your position. I've just had to remove my two-year-old from his nursery because they effectively managed him out. It got to the point where we were being turned away from the door more than he was getting to go in and he was now expecting to leave the minute we arrived. Over the 6 months he's been there, he's slowly become very unhappy.

He's spent an hour at a new nursery this week to see if they/he got on and I observed. The difference was incredible. He was happy to be there and they weren't struggling with his behaviour. I think it came down to the fact the lead nursery nurse in the second nursery was a lot more confident and experienced, and able to flex and flow with my toddler while managing the rest of her class.

I didn't feel 100% happy with the old nursery when we visited but I convinced myself it would be ok because their facilities looked great. In hindsight they have caused us all sorts of problems (making his speech delay worse because they weren't working with him on it etc) and I wish I didn't now have to uproot him from his friends.

If I could do it again I wouldn't choose a nursery that wants my child to be something he's not, I'd choose one that was focused on working with him to meet his needs and make progress within his own abilities if that makes sense.

NuffSaidSam · 04/02/2022 13:06

I think all nurseries attached to prep schools will select children based on how they think they will suit the setting, so you may find the same problem with the second one as well if her behaviour is noticeably problematic. Does a place at the nursery promise a place at tje prep school or is it a separate application?

I would be tempted to use a nursery that is just a nursery while she is so young and go down the prep school route later. I think they'll probably have more experience of children with challenging behaviour.

lillelilou · 04/02/2022 13:42

Thank you for sharing your experiences. The second nursery feels more relaxed but is low pressure in the prep school. But I'm guessing I'm trying too hard to make dd something that she isn't naturally. When we take her to a new park she goes bat shit crazy trying to do everything at the same time but once she goes there for a while and she gets used to it, her behaviour becomes better and she listens so the same thing happened when I took her for the taster session. She saw it as a theme park and wanting to do everything at the same time. She is more challenging compared to some toddlers as she is very strong willed, active and wants to do everything at the same time. I'm 99% sure she is nt but by nature, she isn't calm and compliant. When I went to pick her up, all I could hear is her noise playing, cheering whereas there were probably 15 other children and they were all quiet

My gut says the second choice as well...

Orcasmom · 05/02/2022 01:22

I agree re: insisting children are out of diapers/nappies. I worked at a Montessori preschool and all this meant was daily 'accidents' for some children which, in this particular case, were not treated with much generosity and made the children feel ashamed. You can't put an age limit on that kind of thing. I put my son in a different school that was seen locally as inferior, but where they have always been willing to meet him at his level and encourage him in any way they can. No arbitrary deadlines. By the way, my very intelligent, funny, capable son is four and came to toilet-training fairly late. At 3 he had an accident every single day at school. I should have waited till he was ready.

SpringChickenSubstitute · 05/02/2022 05:40

I go with the fourth choice. Sounds like you'll have problem with the first two.

lillelilou · 05/02/2022 12:43

Oh gosh 4th choice :) although the fourth choice I think would be more suitable as she goes with her own flow and likes taking lead and learns better like that when there's input. I thought the being out of nappies was quite harsh as well because dd isn't ready yet, she only says "eww poo" after she's done it and when I tell her to tell me before, she just looks at me like I'm
a alien. She's just not there yet right now and I'd rather do it when she has a better understanding and actually ready even if it's later and be successful than try to do it early with these ridiculous timescales and fail each time confusing her.

I went to another Montessori nursery a couple of months ago and the children there looked so bored although it's most likely a "replica" of the original Montessori nursery.

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