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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Baby not settling at nursery

21 replies

notsureconfused · 04/12/2021 17:39

My 10 month old DS has had 4 settling in sessions at nursery and if anything, he's getting worse. He cries when I drop him off, he cries intermittently whilst he's there and he cries as soon as he sees me when I pick him up. I can't stand it! I'm starting to think I should go down the nanny route instead if I can find one. He only does 2 days so that may not be helping either. What doesn't help either is he tends to have a 2 hour sleep in the morning but is only having 20 mins at nursery so he's really tired. I tried taking him in after his nap and he was marginally better but that's not sustainable when I go back to work. Should I just try to get a nanny?

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MNHQ

JoMumsnet · 05/12/2021 15:57

Hi @notsureconfused - We're just bumping this thread for you in the hope that someone will be able to give you some advice.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 05/12/2021 16:01

I've worked as a nanny and nursery nurse with the under 2s for just under 20 years.

I would persevere, whilst some children really don't suit nursery life 4 days in isn't long enough to know. What have the nursery said?

Jobseeker19 · 05/12/2021 16:03

Babies can take time to settle in. I work in a nursery and have previously been the babyroom leader at a different nursery.

Babies can take some time. The longer they are there the better. Especially if they are there for lunch and sleep time. Because he only does two days a week it will take longer to settle than a baby who is doing full time.

NuffSaidSam · 05/12/2021 16:04

If nursery suits you better I would persevere. Four sessions isn't enough for him to settle yet. I would ask them if they can take him more frequently during settling in to help the process along.

JustWonderingIfYou · 05/12/2021 16:07

Oh, he's still so young. Maybe leave it a couple more months?

Undertheoldlindentree · 05/12/2021 16:35

Unlikely that the OP has the choice to do that if going back to work. Doesn 't separation anxiety start at around 9 months? So babies of this age just take a little longer to settle than younger ones.

Fet2021duejuly2022 · 05/12/2021 16:37

He might be too young still can you wait?

Fet2021duejuly2022 · 05/12/2021 16:38

Mine started at 2 and she loves nursery and took to it straight away, she would have been too young prior to that

Fet2021duejuly2022 · 05/12/2021 16:39

Just to add if you are going back to work then that’s tough, what have your nursery said? . I took a years career break but I appreciate not everyone is so fortunate

Katela18 · 05/12/2021 16:40

Mine started at 9 months and lots of others even younger. Not too young. Just needs more time to settle and tbh only going twice a week won't help that, hence why most nurseries say the minimum is twice a week as they don't get chance to settle.

I'd give it more time and I'm sure he will get used to it!

mynameiscalypso · 05/12/2021 16:45

I think it takes more than four sessions for quite a lot of babies. It's a good age for it though, I don't think it's too young (plus, work...).

Original poster

notsureconfused · 05/12/2021 19:20

@JoMumsnet

Hi *@notsureconfused* - We're just bumping this thread for you in the hope that someone will be able to give you some advice.

Thanks for the bump!

OP posts:

Original poster

notsureconfused · 05/12/2021 19:25

Thanks for the advice. I could wait until he's 12 months although I was expecting to go back to work after Christmas. Do they normally settle better at 12 months than 9? He is very clingy at the moment, he cries if me or dh leave the room, but I wondered if that was happening because he'd been to nursery and felt abandoned 😩

OP posts:

Namechangesagain · 05/12/2021 19:27

If you're not back at work til after Christmas could you do 4 half sessions? So either morning or afternoon. Gives him more time to get used to being dropped off but means he'll get at least 1 good nap a day at home?

Tumbleweed101 · 05/12/2021 22:16

It can take a while, usually you will see the most unsettled times. Drop off can be bad and often they cry at pick up too. See what the nursery say about during the rest of the session. They need time to get to know the staff and form a bond with them, once this has happened they settle quickly. Some babies take longer than others. Four settling sessions wont be enough to see this bonding, but over the next few weeks it should get better.

Ajl46 · 06/12/2021 06:28

@notsureconfused

My DD went to nursery 3 days a week from 12months. We had a similar experience re her crying at drop off etc which I found very upsetting and it took her a while (over a month) to settle but she did to the point that she grew to really love it there & didn't want to come home at the end of the day. My advice is to wait it out - he will settle eventually. Best of luck to you xx

Original poster

notsureconfused · 06/12/2021 13:24

Thanks everyone, I've got lots to think about. Either I'll have to persevere, hold off on work until he's 12 months in Feb or still look at the nanny option - though I'm not sure how many nannies will work part time.

OP posts:

2anddone · 06/12/2021 13:39

Would you consider a childminder? They have less children and can adapt more to children routines? They also go out and about most days as well as being based in a home so not as busy/so many pick ups and drop offs?

NuffSaidSam · 06/12/2021 13:45

Being 12 months old isn't going to make any difference to how well he settles.

What will make.a.diffeence though is not having to break for Christmas. Presumably, you're settling now, then having a break for Christmas and then going back to work? That's not ideal because he'll forget the settling he's done before Christmas. If you can push dates back, I'd wait until after Christmas, settle for a couple of weeks and then go straight back to work. If you can, send him more frequently during settling.

Franca123 · 06/12/2021 13:48

Once ours started at nursery, we shifted his routine to match the nursery's. With my youngest, she's on the nursery routine now in preparation for attending next month.

mynameiscalypso · 06/12/2021 13:49

@NuffSaidSam

Being 12 months old isn't going to make any difference to how well he settles.

I agree with this. Last year the Christmas break really unsettled DS and it took him a couple of weeks to get back into it.

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