Not to do nursery

[Cupcake31]

Hello,

Just wondering if anyone has a 3 year old and they don't attend nursery and won't go to a childcare setting until they start school.

Thinking of just keeping my 3 year old at home as opposed to sending them to a nursery until they start school. Just wondering if anyone does similar.

Personally don't know anyone who hasn't sent their DC to nursery.
Each to their own and what works best for you but I do think it helps them a lot to get ready for school.

I don't think that benefits the child at all. They would miss out on so many learning and play opportunities with others that you can't replicate at home or in toddler groups.
I have been working in a reception class recently and it is very obvious which children had been to nursery and which children had been kept at home. Nursery and reception are both settings which allow children freedom to explore, to play and to socialise with others. We really do see children grow in confidence and ability after a very short time.

Honestly when I worked in reception by far, the biggest gap wasn’t between oldest and youngest; it was between children who were kept at home.
Lots of KS2 teachers would say the gap took years to bridge if it ever did. Certainly not something I would do.

@Isahlo - do you mean academically, socially, emotionally, or all 3?

And have you noticed a difference between how much the children attended nursery (e.g. from what age/part time vs full time)?

My son is only 1.5yo and I'm a SAHM considering Home Ed so am unsure about what to do re nursery myself

Generally all three. From my experience the Social and emotional bit suffers when they enter reception without nursery as they aren’t familiar with it which means they spend time catching up that way when they arrive, so they don’t take on the early academic stuff, because their brains can only do so much. And then it’s just one big game of catch up.
Although I’ve also seen some very bright children start in reception, who have had a lot of academic input who don’t have the social skills to not be rude to children who are less able than them (although at an age and stage appropriate level) and they just end up being mean, which is really hard to manage too

Honestly you can’t tell the 1 day children apart from the 3 day children or the five morning or afternoon children
The only difference you tend to get visibly is that kids who are used to full time don’t get as sleepy as those who were part time in those first few weeks xxx

@Isahlo - Thank you, that is very helpful (and makes a lot of sense). I think we are going to start with 3 mornings at 2.5yo (can't afford it until then!) and see how it goes in case we don't go down the home ed route and we end up putting him at a disadvantage, though we will also keep going to the Home ed meet-ups etc too for socialising.

My DD who was 3 in May goes for 3 mornings per week. I feel it's best for them to go even just a little bit so they're a little bit more prepared. I would keep my two at home with me forever if I could but in the real world they have to go. I just find a bit of both works well at this age. Good luck whatever you decide OP.

I have never used nursery, we did a mixture of playgroups, rhyme time at the library, play dates, soft play, outings to the playground, picnics, etc. we had plenty of opportunities for interaction with other children and adults. Personally, I feel it was the right choice. They have adjusted well, even if a bit tired initially.

A pp said that nursery and reception both offer opportunities to play and socialize and this has been my observation as well.

I do think I’m in the minority, sure many posters will be along to tell me how much they have missed out, how they will fall behind and never be able to catch up, etc. Do what works for you.

@Isahlo

Honestly when I worked in reception by far, the biggest gap wasn’t between oldest and youngest; it was between children who were kept at home. Lots of KS2 teachers would say the gap took years to bridge if it ever did. Certainly not something I would do.

Disagree completely. This is simply Not true

Also I meant to say that I did plan for nursery part time before starting reception but covid happened.

I think a few sessions a week could be helpful but all children are different. Many in reception who have been at nursery for years are crying in the first weeks and several who have not been to nursery are happy to go with a wave goodbye.

There's a couple of children in my child's reception class who have not been to any childcare. They scream and lie on the floor at drop off in the morning. I think it's a bit cruel. It's too much of a shock to their system having not been used to it.

People do choose not to send their dc in to any Nursery, but, since the 15hours EEE came in (so it was free for all families) then it has become pretty unusual for children not to have attended Nursery for at least a term (but often longer), so the children that hadn't been certainly have a very different experience from the overwhelming majority, so it does tend to make them 'different' and usually that makes life harder for them.

Sending children to nursery even if you don't need it for child care is a very recent thing. Before that Lots of children used to go to play group a few mornings a week, but it wasn't as structured as nursery now. But obviously throughout most of human history children did neither. They were fine. They interacted with people of different ages, learnt to do everyday chores and played.

So no, children don't need nursery.

If your child is having the opportunity to mix and socialise in other ways then I don’t think nursery is a must, no. It is what lots of families do for a variety of reasons but it’s certainly not the only way to do things. Yes your child may take a little longer to settle in reception but so do lots of children who have been to nursery! I think it’s more dependent on personality.

I’ve not sent any of my 4 children to nursery, people do find it odd though so it’s definitely unusual

My experience has been the opposite. During the first week there were two children screaming and crying at drop off. They settled after about a week and when chatting to parents at pick up it appears both were in the nursery of the same school (shared entrance and playground with reception).

I agree it’s a good idea to ease them in but assuming you do have time away from them on occasion and they are well adjusted children, they will settle in just fine.

Why, just out of curiosity?

I think it’s very much a British thing, happens a lot less in other countries where parents choose to send their children to childcare/nursery even if they are staying at home or don’t explicitly need to.

I would highly recommend it. Absolutely, if your child is going to story time at the library, playgroups, getting out and about in the community during the day and talking to different people then, it may not be such an issue.

However, my experience is that those who haven't been to nursery before Reception haven't been doing all of the above. They tend to be children who have spent a lot of time indoors and then lack the social and emotional skills to cope with school life.

It's different abroad, as the exceptions for children starting school are different. Whether I agree or disagree with the standards expected of your average 4 year old, in the UK, is a debate for another day but if you're bringing up a child in the UK, they will be expected to have some social skills which only come from being around others, either in a community or nursery setting.

As a childminder my mindees don't usually attend nursery going straight into reception....but I follow the eyfs, do school readiness by building skills like independence, self care and attention building. We go to groups and network with other childminders so they all have a circle of friends. It's not the nursery it's the activities and support you give them, do you let them risk take and make mistakes do you hover over them at groups or give space?