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When *should* ds go to nursery?

19 replies

jellyrolly · 07/12/2007 14:05

I'm a stay at home mum with ds1 23mnths and ds2 13wks. I am very lucky that I don't have to go back to work but my ds1 is the only one of all my friends children not going to nursery. He's a very sociable boy and sees friends/goes out to groups/does stuff every day. I don't want him to go until he's at least 2.5 or 3 but feel under pressure to send him earlier. The other day even a stranger on the bus asked if he was at nursery when he was playing up! I would love to hear other's thoughts on nursery and when to go.

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Baffy · 07/12/2007 14:09

Bump. I'd like to hear people's thoughts on that too.

I work full time and ds (2.4) is looked after by his grandparents (who love having him!). So it's difficult trying to tear him away from them and put him into a nursery with strangers.... my mum says he'll be in school for enough years, leave him at home with people who love him while you can!

Which is a selfish fair enough point. But I also wonder whether he'd benefit from the discipline and mixing with other children before he has to go to school...

ComeOVenReadyturkey · 07/12/2007 14:09

When ever you feel is right for him. DS started nursery in september when he was 2.9. Before that he was going to lots of classes with me, but I felt he was ready and really wanted to.

ComeOVenReadyturkey · 07/12/2007 14:10

DS has certainly benefitted with the discipline and his social skills have come on in laeps and bounds.

Niecie · 07/12/2007 14:10

Most playgroups/nurseries don't take children until they are 2.9 although some take them at 2.5.

Nobody says he has to go to any of these things - I am sure he is having a great social life with you at the moment. There isn't really any benefit in children going to nursery before 2.9 because they haven't learnt to play with (as opposed to alongside) other children at that age.

Don't bow to pressure if you don't want to. You are doing him no harm at all, probably the reverse. He is too young to go to nursery unless you need to use one for child care purposes.

robin3 · 07/12/2007 14:11

My DS1 and DS2 went to nursery from 6 months but for short periods. I have no way of knowing if it was beneficial or not and it's probably different for different children. Sounds like your two have a lovely time with you so I wouldn't worry.

The only slight advantage I can see is the getting used to being away from you for short periods before pre-school/school, but I could say if the reaction to separation would have been worse if my two hadn't been to nursery.

wheresthehamster · 07/12/2007 14:12

Stick to your guns. I HATE the fact that we feel we are 'holding them back' when what you are doing is perfectly normal (and RIGHT imo)

Astrophe · 07/12/2007 14:13

You should not feel pressured. Nursery can be good, but the best parenting is always better than the best nursery care (assuming you are happy to be at home, and are motivated to do nice things etc). if you go out and about, chat with him, play with him and just generally love him, then he does not need to go into any sort of institutionalised care until he is...? 5? 7? I personally think school starts too early in this country, and that nursery in unessesary for a child who is with a loving parent at home. Having said that, my DD started nursery at 2 because I had pnd and wasn't coping, but that was for me, not for her.

Don't let anyone convince you that your son needs nursery to 'socialise' him - its rubbish. Its also rubish that h needs nursery to 'educate' him, as you aredoing a fine job yourself at home, teaching him to love and be loved, to talk and play and explore.

robin3 · 07/12/2007 14:14

Have to say that my eldest did have firm nursery friends before he was 2.9...two great mates and they all played together then and we still get together. That is a very nice thing that he got from the whole experience.

jellyrolly · 07/12/2007 14:15

Thank you, I am relieved to hear similar views to my own (unconfident) ones! Ds1 is quite a fiesty chap but I don't think sending him away from me would make him any less so. I worry that I'm too soppy compared to my pals who use nursery!

OP posts:
jellyrolly · 07/12/2007 14:19

I am happy to be at home, if I went to work I think I would just sit and pine and cry all day. God, I am too soppy aren't I??

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Niecie · 07/12/2007 14:20

Nothing soppy about it. Unless you need time to yourself,to work or study or get your head together, your DS would not be doing anything at nursery that he can't do with you, at the age of 23 mths. Why spend the money? There you go, a hard-headed, economic reason!

ScottishMummy · 07/12/2007 14:20

no definitive when answer. Just when it is "right" for you and son. Everyone different. HTH

monkeybutler · 07/12/2007 14:30

Everyone is right here. I am a SAHM and have been since kids were newborn and 18 months. My DD now 4 and goes to full time school and DS 3 and goes to local preschool for a couple of sessions a week. I had them both all to myself for 3 years and then DD went to school nursery. DS will go next sept when is is 4. They are both close in age so they have become best friends and are still sociable and happy. Stick with what you feel is right.

BTW DS is going 2 full days in Jan because he 'needs' more than I can offer him now DD at school. We just sit and look at each other - its time for us both to meet new friends!

jellyrolly · 07/12/2007 14:30

Baffy, I would leave him with his grandparents if I were you. He is lucky to be able to build a good strong relationship with them. The more love and security at this age surely makes a more confident child when the nursery age comes? (I would say that though wouldn't I? )

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mumofhelen · 07/12/2007 14:49

Don't listen to anyone else. Trust your instincts. Only YOU know whether your child is ready. If you can, let him stay with other relatives first and gradually introduce him/her to a nursery setting. There's no rush.

bubblagirl · 07/12/2007 14:58

my ds is 2.6 has just started nursery 3 weeks ago i felt this was right for him as he has delayed speech and has friends to come and play but just lately they have been unreliable

and have no play group near me now to go to so felt he needed the stimulation and company

he loves it but if he wasnt there it would just be and him 99% of the time so its right for him as he is getting stimulation he needs

your ds sounds fine his days seem well structured you appear to be doing more than enough so wait untill 3 there sno need for them to go any youger really

i wouldnt have sent my ds this young if he didnt have speech delay but obviously he'll benifit

manchita · 07/12/2007 14:59

I agree with the other posters. Don't listen too much to antone else. I sent my dd to half day nursery at 31/2 and even that seemed early.
She recently started reception and is fine socially.
It's up to you, but remeber when it comes to children everyone has their own opinion (and love to share them)

nannynick · 08/12/2007 10:11

I don't feel that children need to go to nursery at all. Remember back to your own childhood - did you go to nursery?

However, do you really mean nursery, or do you mean some kind of pre-school group (you say you already go to groups).

Personally as a child, I went to a playgroup a couple of mornings a week (as my mum helped to run it). At that time, I think playgroup only accepted children aged 3 to 5. Back in the 70's, playgroups were play focused (Learning Though Play) and that I feel should still be how groups are run... children learning to play with other children, getting the opportunity to play with things that they may not at home, eg. sand/water/wet-sand, painting.

I care for a 3 year old, and he does not go to nursery (and neither did his older sister, who recently started at school). Instead we enjoy being out and about, exploring the world around us, visiting places (castle, farm, sea shore, science discovery centre, going on trains/bus/boat) and getting exercise (country walks, swimming, play gym). He is an IT expert (well not as good as his older sister, who seems to be top of the class at school for IT skills), as at home the children have access to a computer and thus practice mouse skills, do language, shape, matching games etc.

We walk frequently with some childminder friends of mine, so all the children get to interact, form friendships, fall-out over minor things, etc.

So there is no need for children to go to nursery, if the parent/carer is giving the child opportunities to interact, to see the world around them, learning things like crossing the road and simple maths (money, sharing out objects, counting objects).

Go with your gut feelings, you know your son best. Don't be pressured by others. Government only provides funding for a pre-school place from the term following a child's 3rd birthday, so no point sending them before then... and even then you may feel your son is better being with you.

coldtits · 08/12/2007 10:22

I don't think it is at all necessary.

I send ds1 when he was 2.5, because I was pregnant and working evenings and needed a few hours break once a week. He enjoyed it very much - but in hindsight, it was the start of a lot of neuroses about him for me - which in hindsight were being caused by the preschool helpers expecting 4 year old behavior (sitting nicely at the table) from a toddler. They never told him off, they would come an "concern" at me instead, but if I hadn't sent him I wouldn't have even noticed, much less cared, about how active he is. He sits at the table now!

My (rambling) point being, do it if you want - they enjoy it, but they also anjoy toddler groups just as much, so don't feel that he MUST go - only if you want the break!

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