10 month starting nursery - refusing sleep

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Hi everyone,

My daughter (10 months), started settling in to nursery this week. Just 2x days of me with her for 1 hr and 2x days of me leaving her for 1.5 hrs a day. It's been awful.

She enjoyed the first day on her own, but that evening screamed till 1am after going to sleep for only 20 mins at 7pm.

The next day (yesterday), she was exhausted so didn't enjoy it at all. She went to bed fine in the evening then woke at 10pm and was crying softly until 1am. I kept going in, I gave her milk, calpol as she has a little cold, tried going in super quiet rubbing her back then popping out again and letting her for a bit etc. But nothing worked until she eventually fell asleep on bottle at 1am.

I'm hating this! I assume it's separation anxiety; something she's only just starting to develop.

Has anyone experienced similar? In two weeks she'll be there full time, 4 days a week and I'll go back to work.

She's also the smallest at the nursery at the moment, and one of the few full time, so all the kids can eat better, nap for shorter times (no morning naps just lunch), can look after themselves more. I'm so worried about her. She's finding the 1.5hrs exhausting, how will she cope with a full day? They are getting younger ones in a month or so. There's 9 in the room so quite busy and they all just sleep on the floor of the main room so when one wakes up it'll be noisy.

Am I being an awful mother? Would you suggest trying to push work back another month? I'm in a new MD role and no one else has kids at the company so I have a lot to prove to people who won't get it.

Please any tips about your 10 month or similar age starting nursery full time please share! I'm in complete turmoil. She's usually such a happy, healthy, baby and loves her night sleep.

In terms of her being there four days, many children do it from a younger age so I’m sure she’ll settle but I think first of all you need to speak to the nursery about her naps. At 10 months they should be following her home routine (which I’m guessing is two naps a day) as 1 nap at this age is just not enough at all. In terms of being unsettled at night of she’s over tired from the lack of naps then this may improve if they follow her routine? My honest opinion would be that I’d be looking for a different nursery if they say that they aren’t able to accommodate that.

My son started at 10 months.
He gradually adapted to the nursery routine. Sleep is in a side area on mats- they do have cots for younger ones.
Possibly sleep regression at this time too.

Good luck!

My youngest has just started at 7 months. In the baby room they do the group nap after lunch with floor mats but they also have 2 cots for the younger ones that might need additional sleep. My DS has 2 naps there, occasionally 3 if the lunch nap is short since he’s still adjusting. They do adapt to the noise of the others pretty quickly, we went through the same with my eldest. But your nursery cannot expect a 9MO to go through the day on one nap, the average age for that is 15-18 months and if other activities are going on, she needs a safe place to sleep that isn’t the floor. If they can’t offer that then they aren’t really geared up to taking babies IMO and you should look for somewhere else.

Has she spent much time away from you before starting nursery (e.g. left with grandparents?).

I wouldn't push work back if I were you. She'll have to go through it eventually so you may as well stick with it. She will adjust in time. I agree speak to nursery about her current routine to see if they can help.

It's horrible leaving them at first but they do settle.

How did you get on OP? I really feel for you. My son started at almost 12 months and has been there about 8 weeks now. As you say the sleep is not great (getting better) but they are just not geared up for a 2 nap day. It all revolves around a 'long' nap at 12.30pm which they wake them up after 1.5hrs.
He either has a morning nap in a side alcove amongst the others playing (??!!??) Then won't sleep long at lunch as the wake window isn't enough. Or he skips the morning nap and is a wreck.
Quite a few kids in his class just go for the morning. My son does 3 days and I really try to finish early and pick him up by 3.30pm. I often have to do a bit of work when he goes to bed at 7 but is worth it.

I really wish that I had hired a nanny till he was say 15months and down to one nap. I love that the nursery provides so much stimulation and learning for him but I feel so guilty that he is exhausted all the time.

We have a separate cot area at our nursery and try to follow nap times as closely as possible to the ones at home when they are under 2. Once they go to the two year old room we do try to encourage them to sleep after lunch (the ones who do nap) but would always try to follow their routine as closely as possible if they are a definite morning sleeper.

However they do naturally pick up a different sleep pattern at nursery sometimes, just because the routine and stimulation times are different at nursery to home.

My son started at one years old and was still on two naps. They have a room away from the main area with a few cots in. He's never slept well at nursery but gets enough. My guess would be that she's over tired and over stimulated? My son used to come back totally exhausted until he was about 18months simply from having had such a busy day. We'd often have to rush him straight into bed as soon as we got in. It's all just a huge adjustment. I think you need to talk to the nursery about her naps and if that can be resolved, push on through. They adjust. Certainly for my son, he loves it and my daughter is starting very soon too.