AIBU for only wanting my 2 year old to go to playgroup 2 days a week?

[LouRose8819]

My husband and I have recently made arrangements for our DD to start playgroup in September, she will have just turned 2. She will be going for two full days (8.30-3pm) a week and will spend two days at her grand parents and one day with me (i work 4 days a week).

Husband is keen for DD to go to playgroup 3 or 4 days a week, as the more time she spends there, the better it is for her development as she will be around other children as opposed to always being with adults (shes currently looked after by grandparents 4 days a week). I personally feel that at this age, 2 days a week is plenty, as her grandparents also do educational activities with her when shes at their house, so she is still developing every day.

I am completely on the same page as him in that I want the best for her development, however I think she will still be developing from 2 days a week in this environment, plus I feel like they're only this age once and before we know it, she will be at school 5 days a week.

AIBU by only wanting her there 2 days a week? Is this unfair on my daughter?

YANBU. Not at all. At 2 it's important to socialise but also important to be with close relatives.

Take NO notice of your husband here...this is an ideal set up.

2 days a nursery and 2 days with family and one day with you sounds perfect. My DS does 2 days with my mum and 3 days childminder and he definitely benefits from both, also DS and mum are super close. Tbh any more than three days childminder would be too much for him.

Sounds the perfect amount to me!
My LO does 2 days at nursery and tbh it's enough, he is knackered 😂

Playgroups/nurseries are great. But getting out in the real world is great too.

If GPS are happy with two days, and you have no concerns, and they do stuff on those days (not 10hrs of tv for example) then your arrangement sounds lovely.

At the end of the day, its for you and your husband to work out. My son does 3 days 8.30 till 5.30 and has done since he was 20 months. It suits us and he loves it.

2 days a week is fine! Save your money and let your daughter enjoy her time with gp. Play group isn’t even essential at this age. My ds goes 9 hours a week and he loves it, but it’s plenty.

I think it really depends on what she’s doing at her grandparents house. My DD (also 2) does the same split as yours, I personally feel like she benefits much more from nursery so am planning to increase her days there soon. But I know she spends a lot of the time at grandparents watching TV whereas at nursery she’s doing activities and socialising all day. She also eats much better at nursery and has a more reliable nap routine so doesn’t come home as cranky as she does on the days she’s with grandparents.

When my son was 2 i put him in for 2 half days and hes now 3 and ive increased it to 2 full days and i dont intend to increase it.
I find hes so tierd after those 2 days he needs some quiet days at home aswell as gives some quality time with family.

I think the same as you, theyre only this age once and it goes so quickly.
Maybe see how she goes with 2 days and you could always increase it further down the line

Afaik what your husband is saying does not have an evidence base - I’d ask him to do some research to show it if he thinks it does.

This sounds a great split. My LO has 2 days with grandparents and they're great with him. They don't watch TV at all and he is taken wherever they're going. Eg shops, cafe, park etc. If it was going to be a mostly TV day I'd agree with your DH.

Don't forget the 1:1 interaction she will get with adults is great for her speech and emotional development.

I don't think it makes any difference at all in terms of development. The things that would sway me more towards nursery/pre-school would be the reliability of grandparents (partly depending on their age/health) and also the fact that children generally settle better at nursery if they're there more days rather than less. But that's not always the case and is less of a dealbreaker than the reliability point. Can you/DH cover if grandparents get ill or want to go on holiday or whatever?

Two days is absolutely fine as long as the grandparents are happy with the arrangement.

As long as grandparents are happy and capable, it probably doesn't make any difference. From a practical perspective, I'd personally probably prefer the playgroup because of reliability. Will you both be able to take time off work if grandparents are ill or have medical appointments they can't re-schedule or want to go on holiday?

I don't think 4 days is too much though. Mine have been in 4-5 days a week 9-5 since before 2. It's more about what works best for you and is sustainable in the long-term.

Most of my key children (aged 2-3) only do 2 days a week - some of those are just mornings too. I see no issue with that!

I don't think you should just ignore your DH's concerns, he has an equal right to his opinion and views ... talk it through together a bit more and come to an agreement together not just because of what mumsnetters think. The mother shouldn't always be the main decision maker. Are they grandparents your parents or his? Could that be a consideration?

And are you 100% sure the DGPs genuinely want to do two full days a week, many of my friends are grandparents and do feel rather taken advantage of regarding childcare but are too polite/frightened of saying 'no'. And have you considered the arrangements if the DGPs want to go away etc?

I agree with the pps saying that you and your husband need to come to an agreement. Both of your suggestions sound fine but neither of you should have automatic right to 'win' the argument. How about a compromise of 3 days if he wants 4 and you want 2? Or she does less during holiday times. Or 4 short days with grandparents doing wraparound?

Thanks for all the comments, it's good to hear of other family set ups. We've agreed that we will start at 2 days then build up to 3 when DD is ready. GP's already have DD 4 days a week so they are fine with going down to 2 days a week. It will be my parents one day and DH parents the other. So it should suit all and as some of you have said, she will still benefit from the 1:1 interaction with adults