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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Daughter crying at drop off

15 replies

CharlieB93 · 02/06/2021 08:43

Anyone else experienced this? I’m not allowed in nursery whilst dropping her so I have to drop her at the door... cue full blown meltdown. She only goes 1 day a week. I wanted her to go to socialise with other children her age and grow her confidence since she’s never played with other kids. Last week I rang and they said she took a while to settle.
What do I do? Stick it out? Be cruel to be kind?

I can’t have another day of me sat in tears at work ☹️

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

insancerre · 02/06/2021 08:49

It’s so hard for children who only attend one day a week
It does take them longer to settle, I’m afraid
It’s why many nurseries stipulate a minimum of 2 days
Is there any way you can change her sessions so she does 2 half days instead of one day?
Also keep with the quick drop offs, keep it positive and do not let her see you are upset or at all bothered by her tears
It’s just going to take time

Bobbybobbins · 02/06/2021 08:50

Totally agree with the above - two days or half days might help a lot. I went down to one day a week with my eldest when I was in maternity with DS2 and he found drop offs harder suddenly.

nimbuscloud · 02/06/2021 08:51

What age is she?

Geamhradh · 02/06/2021 08:54

I'd say 99% of the children at dd's nursery back in the day were like this initially. The staff used to gently shove us out of the door and say 'if she's still crying when you come back, there's a problem".
None of them ever were.
I do agree though that when they are very little, only going one day is a bit counter productive and means the clinging will probably go on for longer.

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 02/06/2021 09:06

Ah I never thought of that - unfortunately they only allow full days and going 2 days a week would be counter productive with me going back to work (money wise) she’s just turned 1

OP posts:

MistyFrequencies · 02/06/2021 09:24

My kids went 3 days a week from around this age and it took both of them maybe 2 months to properly settle. They would be ok on Wednesday then have The/Fr/Sat/Sun off and Monday would be tears again. If I had my time again I'd probably try 5 mornings a week instead, speed up the settling in process.
Now they're nearly 3 and 4 years old and they absolutely love their nursery. They ask to go at the weekend...

MaMaD1990 · 02/06/2021 09:37

How long had she been going to nursery? It takes time for them to settle in, especially if it's just once a week. It breaks your heart but they will eventually get there as they form bonds and make little friends. Mine would have tears at the start and my heart would sink when I picked her up and they said she'd had a bit of a challenge settling down but it gets better. She basically shoos me off when I drop her off now which is lovely to see (although I'd much prefer a kiss and an "I'll miss you"!).

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 02/06/2021 10:16

Thank you, this is her third week. I really want her to go because I think it’d be good for her to be with people her own age and experience a place which isn’t just our house. Hopefully it’ll get better ☹️

OP posts:

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 02/06/2021 10:19

No real advice beyond what pp have said, just . My one year old DC2 is on day 2 of nursery today and cried loads at drop off. Its so hard. But I'm sure it'll get better

Moonshine11 · 02/06/2021 10:24

Nothing else to add other than what pp have said.
Any other nursery’s around offer half days?
I do think it helps going more than once a week.

MaMaD1990 · 02/06/2021 10:26

@CharlieB93

Ahh it's early days yet. Don't throw the towel in, she will get there and the nursery nurses will have dealt with this a million times over. Just remind yourself she's well cared for and before you know it she'll be waving you off!

JOJ0JO · 02/06/2021 10:30

I'm going to tell you about one little girl...

I was at nursery to give a talk.

This little girl screamed the place down at drop off and her poor mother was in bits. The staff assured her it would be ok.

As soon as mum left the little girl stopped crying immediately and came over to sit on her cushion with a big smile.

True story, I was there. And I could not believe what ,I'd just witnessed! I told the mum later and she was very relieved.

iduno · 02/06/2021 11:25

I had this with my little girl she only went 1 day. Between illness and holidays etc sometimes she wasn't there for 2/3weeks and she'd go back to square one, it was really hard. She really didn't settle well until around 2, where she seemed to start enjoying it more. She's 4 now and loves it goes 2 1/2 days now.

Her little sister started at 10 months and goes 2 days a week and I can see a huge difference in her. She seems happy going in very rarely cries.

Unless u have her in so that I can work I'd try find a nursery where u cld 2 half days and maybe move to 1 day when she's 2.

jannier · 02/06/2021 19:36

I'm a childminder I take children 1 day a week but before they start they have as many short settling in visits as they need, often several days in a week. The children do all the same activities as nursery and make a good friendship group by the time they start school (most never go to nursery) they start with between 3 and 6 close friends they have known for 4 years. The babies learn so much from the toddlers and 3 year olds language and development flies and they are very social. Parents get photos on WhatsApp especially in the first few weeks when we send them through the day rather than wait so there's loads of reassurance and we discuss every day how it's going and if parents need any changes. The children find it no different to visiting family for a day once a week once they know us.
But yes a quick happy upbeat you will have fun goodbye really helps....parents chat at pick up

Tumbleweed101 · 03/06/2021 19:49

A week gap is a long time in a one year olds life. They will take longer to settle simply because they have to get used to the people caring for them and the environment again each week.

Doing more days would be beneficial for your child in settling but appreciate the cost is a problem. She will get there and usually they settle quickly once they get over the initial drop off tears. The best thing to do would be to ensure the staff know everything she enjoys, things that distract and settle her at home so they can help her get to know them too by playing with her in a way she loves.

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