Help with nursery and return to work

[Tee20x]

Hi guys,

Long post but would be so grateful for any insight.

DD is currently coming up to 5 months old & I am already thinking about what will happen when I return to work in Jan next year at which time she will be 12 months old.

I work in the civil service so can make use of flexi working arrangements, varying hours and wfh etc so I am wondering what you all would do in my position. A few things to consider;

1. I would want DD to be at nursery 3 days a week - would want these to be consecutive. Nurseries I have looked at are typically 9-6 though some offer "early bird" and "night owl" services which mean I would be able to drop off a bit earlier and pick up a bit later.

On the days that she is at nursery I would be in the office and on the days she is not there (looked after by relative) I would be wfh.

Basically can only afford the 3 days and do not want to put too much pressure on family to ask them to have her for an extra day.

1. Commute to work is 1hr direct drive - with nursery drop off i imagine it would take around 1.5 hr door to door.

1. Standard working day is 9-5 but core hours (hours I must be working) are 10-3.30. Around that I can make up hours as and when.

Initially I was thinking about working 10-5 on the days DD is in nursery which would allow for the commute and drop off not being too brutal as would have to get up pretty early to make it to work for 9. I would then make up these 3 missed hours on my wfh days where I don't have the commute either way and won't have to pick up DD from nursery so could work extended hours pretty easily.

I then thought about this and am wondering whether working till 5 is too late? What to people do when picking up their kids if bedtime is around 7? Do you pick up and then get home and get ready for bed straight away?

I then thought about working 10-4 or 10-4.30 on the days DD is in nursery so that I could pick up a bit earlier and then spend a bit of time with her at home before bedtime so it's not such a rush? Of course I would then have to make up these hours on wfh days.

I know it's a way away but am wanting to be proactive with this so I can put in my request and formalise everything with work and nursery etc.

Everything is such a blur in my mind so would be grateful for any tips!!

I'm a childminder, I'll just say what seems to happen a lot here...

The easiest pattern for them is drop off early as poss, collect as early as poss.

Baby wakes around 6am anyway, they find it easier to be up and out the door and then collect by about 5pm.

Are you sure nursery doesn't open until 9am? That is unusual. 8am with early bird drop off of 7.30 is what happens here.

It's really difficult to make these plans when your baby is so little, as you are completely relating to her as a little baby when in fact the person you are making plans for - an active rambunctious toddler - is someone you haven't really met yet.

Is your DP/baby's dad in the picture? Your op seems to imply that you will be solely responsible for all nursery drop offs and pickups as well as post-nursery bedtimes, which is quite an excessive load for one person with a demanding full time job. Not impossible if you are on your own, but very tough and not reasonable for said DP (if exists) to expect of you.

Could you financially cope with dropping to 90% or 85% fte for a couple of years?

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat that's true, I guess I'm just anxious about getting ready and out of the door, plus the drop off and commute - it's difficult as at the moment it's a situation that I have never encountered before (ftm) and just before I went on maternity leave I was moved to a new office that I've never had to travel to!

I'll have a look again at the nursery times - you might be right bout the early bird time being as early as 8am - so much swimming in my mind at the moment!

@KihoBebiluPute yes he is in the picture but the nature of his work means that his hours are not flexible so I would be the one to do the drop offs and pick ups as I am able to mould my hours around the childcare needs.

In terms of dropping the hours - I will have to have a look into this properly, however having had a quick glance at figures dropping the hours would mean that we have just enough to pay for childcare, housing, bills etc etc but not able to save or have much of a buffer.

Going back full time would just mean that there is a little bit extra coming in to play with.

But this is why I'm thinking about it so early! So that I have time to think through all possible solutions.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat just had a quick look at one of the nursery's I have been looking at which is in an ideal location and with the early bird/ night owl option theoretically they can be there 7am-7pm which is handy to know. So from what you have said it may be worth dropping off a little earlier and picking up somewhere around 5 like you suggested.

We do the long days for my boy , his session is 07:30 until 18:30 two days a week. He's normally dropped off by 08:30 and picked up by 17:30.

My partner does all the nursery drop offs and pick ups because I work those two days 07:00-21:00 (mental health nurse) part time 26hours a week.

Nursery fees for me going back full time were too much because none of the nursery sessions available fit to what my shift timings would be so we'd still have to pay for the long days.

I have three kids (1, 4 and 5), two days a week two of them are in nursery 8-6 and the other one gets picked up and goes to the after school care at the same nursery until 6pm.

So me or DH pick them all up there at 6pm.

On those days I do a really really simple dinner - beans on toast, mini pizza, soup and a toastie or whatever - because they get fed loads at nursery and after school care. I run a bath for the baby anyway (she's a messy eater!) so just chuck them all together after dinner for a quick wash and get them to bed. They are usually all in bed by 8pm. On a normal night it's a lot more relaxed and they are in bed for 7:30ish but it's fine on the nursery days.

You'll get into a new routine but 5pm is definitely not too late at all, don't worry about that.

Hiya - civil servant here too. Just a few quick things: 1) are you sure you need to plan on commuting 3 days a week? I know most departments will not be expecting us to be back full time in office and most are planning hybrid approach (and have already stated they wont force people back into the office). I know that I've asked to do 1 day in London in Whitehall, and 2 days at WFH (as I've gone part time for the first year). I'd check your assumptions if you are London based and commuting - Covid may actually be great for you to be home more. I've seen quite a few senior members of staff stating they are supportive of this - so I think that it won't hurt your future promotion prospects to be remote more often if you want to. 2) Plenty of departments are also getting rid of core hours (again, I am sure you've checked this, but I know my department has recently gotten rid, which means things are even more flexible!).

You asked about pick up at 5 and the rush for bedtime. The good news is that nursery feeds your baby loads! That means that you might just need to give them a quick snack, some milk/BF, and off to bed. So while you may not get loads of time with them, you might not need to hassle with cooking a huge supper.

Hi all,

So in relation to DP not being able to drop off/pick up. He works an hour in the opposite direction. Have included a quick diagram - really not to scale but the jist is that the location we have chosen for nursery is on my route to work & is close to DDs grandparents house so that if for any reason I am unable to make pickup it is close enough for them to pick her up without too much stress.

Considered putting her in nursery closer to my work but that would mean a longer trip for them in the event that I needed cover & I haven't seen any nursery's I liked the look of around my workplace anyway.

His hours are 8.30-6 and there is no flexibility for overtime/making up hours or wfh etc so it makes sense for me to drop off on way to work and pick up on way home which I actually don't mind.

@Hawse tbh because it's so far in advance I may not need to travel in 3 times a week and could potentially get away with just 2 - however am planning for 3 just incase. But in my role I do need to deal with people face to face so I envisage needing to go in to the office a minimum of 2 days a week anyway.

I think my concern about the rush for bedtime would be picking up for 5-6 and then travelling home etc would basically be bed as soon as we get in, but from what you have all said this seems like the norm?

Forgot to add.. are there any particular days which are "better" for nursery or to wfh?

I was initially thinking nursery Monday-Wednesday and wfh Thursday and Friday but have read about people not wanting kids at nursery on Mondays due to having to pay for bank holidays when they are not in attendance.

From experience does this actually make much difference?

Would it be easier to wfh on the days she’s in nursery and go to the office when your relative has her? At least she’ll be at home for when you come back

Mine goes to a childminder- has done since he was 12 months too - 7.30 until 5.30 Mon-Wed. Bedtime is around 7.30 - we get home for around 5.50/6 pm. Has always worked out very well. My childminder doesn’t do meals, but some do if that’s what you need.

That’s 3 days a week though - anymore would kill me!

Dc are knackered after nursery. So pick up as late as possible and then straight to bed. Forget about quality time, it's not, it's counting down the minutes with a whining toddler.

I'd aim to work 9.30-5.30 on the nursery days, and I would reduce hours slightly so you're not constantly trying to catch up - maybe 34 hours over 5 days. Won't make a huge difference financially but it will make life less stressful overall.

Tues/Wed are the busiest days in a nursery ime, and Fridays are usually quieter.

@PaniniHead

Would it be easier to wfh on the days she’s in nursery and go to the office when your relative has her? At least she’ll be at home for when you come back

I was wondering this.

Ask the nursery about earlier start and closing times. Most CM and nurseries in my area open at 7.30am by appointment and close at 6pm.

I was back at work on full time shifts when my DS was six months old. They just have to go into childcare for as long as they need to around your hours. They get used to it.

Do you have childcare in place for your WFH days? In my experience you won’t be able to work while looking after a toddler and the tolerance from employers around childcare is long gone as nurseries / childminders are open

I agree with PP about waiting until your baby is older before setting plans in motion for all this. Don't waste your maternity leave planning your return to work! At 5 months old my DD had only ever known life in lockdown and I was so anxious about her being socially delayed and how would she cope with nursery etc. I also would have said that she would suit a later drop off as we were still having a lovely lazy time in bed together feeding and snuggling in the morning - I could easily not get up properly until 9am back then if I wanted!! She's now a 1 year old and a very bold confident one at that! I have no qualms about her going to nursery, and know that for her current routine and personality the early drop off and as early as possible pick up would actually work best for her. You have plenty of time to figure this all out. Enjoy the summer with your lovely baby

@PaniniHead - I have thought about this and it wouldn't really be due to the fact that the nursery is on my route to work. If I wfh on the days she is at nursery I'd be 3/4 of the way to work anyway!

@Marmite27 - yes she will be cared for by a relative who lives a reasonable distance from me but doesn't drive so I would be dropping her off on wfh days. Due to the fact that I am wfh and wouldn't have the commute I'd be able to nip out at around 9ish and drop her off rather than getting up at the crack of dawn.

@linerforlife I try not to think about it but I'm a planner and like to have an idea of what will be happening! I also have no experience with whether or not the nurseries would have waiting lists or have my days available :( once I have some sort of plan together I will relax I promise!

That’s a good plan.

Mine used to do 7:45am 4:15pm in nursery 4 days a week per-Covid. They were up at 6am anyway and nursery was at my office and only a 10 minute drive. We were mostly on time each day. They had a ‘tea’ at nursery, more like a substantial snack, bagels and cream cheese, quiche and veg sticks, nuggets and beans, and something like flapjack or mousse for pud so they were never hangry by the time they got home.

We’d be home for half 4, dinner at 5/half 5, bath, bed and stories for 7pm lights out at 7:30pm.

My mums nursery if asked will wipe hands and faces and pop into pjs for the journey home. She has some parents occasionally pick up at 6:30pm and have an hours drive home. They’d usually give that child toast/fruit/milk just before changing, in addition to the normal ‘tea’ about 3pm. Clean nappies are a given imo for handover.

@Marmite27

That’s a good plan.

Mine used to do 7:45am 4:15pm in nursery 4 days a week per-Covid. They were up at 6am anyway and nursery was at my office and only a 10 minute drive. We were mostly on time each day. They had a ‘tea’ at nursery, more like a substantial snack, bagels and cream cheese, quiche and veg sticks, nuggets and beans, and something like flapjack or mousse for pud so they were never hangry by the time they got home.

We’d be home for half 4, dinner at 5/half 5, bath, bed and stories for 7pm lights out at 7:30pm.

My mums nursery if asked will wipe hands and faces and pop into pjs for the journey home. She has some parents occasionally pick up at 6:30pm and have an hours drive home. They’d usually give that child toast/fruit/milk just before changing, in addition to the normal ‘tea’ about 3pm. Clean nappies are a given imo for handover.

This sounds amazing - though I have a suspicion none of the nurseries I am looking at will offer this but it's worth an ask!

On that subject, is there anything else I should be looking out for and asking about? I have drawn up a list of queries but wondering if there is anything you would have liked to have known with hindsight before starting/deciding what nursery to send to.

@Tee20x we have a similar situation with my DP’s work so DD attends a nursery near my work - she started there at 12 months and is now nearly 3. I’ve done all drop offs and pick ups, although it’s not impossible for DP to collect her (it just makes no sense) and he has got her when nursery has had to close early.

It’s actually been fine. I leave home just before 7 for an 8am drop off which is fine as we’re largely up from 5-5.30. I collect between 5 and 6. It was trickier when she was younger as sometimes I felt like I barely saw her as was just bathing her and putting her to bed as soon as we got home. Her nursery give them a proper tea/dinner rather than a snack which has been a massive help (so much so that I never leave work early to collect her as it’s so much easier). It’s easier now she’s older as she still naps at nursery and so goes to bed later.

Think about the home routine too though. As DP isn’t doing the nursery runs he does things at home like sorting our dinner for when I get home and other jobs like cutting the grass.

I think you should think about what works for you and fit the baby around it - if you struggle to get out early in the morning then take the pressure off a bit and do the late drop off. That said, your baby will probably get up earlier at 12 months than they do now and it can be really helpful to have breakfast at nursery - it takes a lot longer than you think to feed them, clean all the food off, clean the floor etc and not having to do breakfast means the morning is a lot more streamlined.

My dd has been with a childminder since 10 months and she does 2 long days (8-7), I did worry about it but actually she’s adjusted brilliantly, the childminder is amazing and does all her meals so I just get her home, into pjs and bed.

I'm a childminder (not sure if you've considered using one we are registered and inspected by Ofstef and work to the EYFS like a nursery) I take children anytime from 7am to 6.30 pm....but will be flexible on parents needs if they want 10 to 3 they are charged 10 to 3 if they need extra some weeks or cover extra days when grandparents are unable to or there's an emergency I cover ( have even done overnight in emergency when parent had to rush to hospital). You may find that a cm is cheaper and more flexible but still takes tax free childcare and funding.

I work 30hrs Tues-Fri 8.45-4.45, DD in nursery. They are open 7.30-6pm and do breakfast, main meal lunch and a light tea plus snacks. That’s standard to all the nurseries here.

Due to WFH I’ve been dropping off at 8.30 and DH picking up at 4.45. But when I am back commuting (45 mins-1hr) it will be drop off at 7.30.
If I have to pick up it will be 5.45ish but DH will do most so they will be earlier.
We offer water and a snack when she gets home at about 5.15 and then aim for 7.30 bedtime. You definitely don’t want to be doing breakfast yourself on nursery days.

Hi all,

Thanks for your responses. Considering what you have all said I am leaning towards early drop off and pick up between 5-6. On the days that I am wfh I will then pick up DD from relative earlier.

Will take the advice of previous posters to watch and wait and see what she is like as a 12 month DD will be very different! It just feels like there is so much pressure with applying for a place and putting down preferences for days etc, as well as organising hours with work.

The struggle of doing breakfast on nursery days hadn't even occurred to me so thanks for pointing this out!!!