How did you cope with leaving your baby at nursery?

[otterbaby]

My daughter will be starting nursery soon - she will be 9 months old and will be going 4 days/week from 8am-4pm.

I feel really awful and a bit sick at the thought of leaving her. How did you cope with this? Do you tend to just give them a kiss and leave immediately so they can be distracted quickly and there are fewer tears?

Unfortunately I do have to return to work so being a SAHM is not an option.

She was born in October in the middle of lockdown and hasn't been watched by anyone other than myself or my husband as we don't have any family close by.

I'd appreciate any advice!

yup, hug, kiss, smile then leave promptly.
there's nothing worse then a hovering parent.
there will be tears, more yours than hers so tissues in all pockets are a must😉

you'll be ok lovely, she'll be ok too.
just fake it till you make it.
oh and feeling guilty is unproductive and a massive waste of mental energy so do yourself a favour and focus on why you are a good mum instead of filling your own head with lies about being a horrible one who abandons her child.
you know you are not horrible. be kind to yourself.

big hugs xx

What temperament does your child have and will you have settling in sessions?

My daughter (13 months) started nursery on Wednesday properly (we did 10.30-5 instead of full day 8-6) and had 2 hour sessions last Friday and on Tuesday. I was a bit nervous ahead of handing her over the first time but she's really outgoing and didn't even look back at me once I'd handed her over to the nursery worker. They told me she didn't cry at all during the sessions and they sent me some photos of her with a friend she'd made.

I know not all nurserys do it but receiving the updates and photos via an app really helped me understand that she was enjoying it and helped ease the guilt. They also rang me an hour into the first settling session to let me know how she was getting on which I was grateful for.

Maybe ask your nursery to call you during that first day? It s hard just handing them over but they say to walk away quickly and decisively after saying goodbye so its not drawn out. I would hope you DD will be fine but good luck anyway

Leave quickly and if you do need to weep a bit, do it out of sight! I also have a lockdown baby whose nursery settling-in period was disrupted by second lockdown - when he went back in March 2021 we had a few days of his little face crumpling as I handed him over to a masked-up nursery worker, but there was only one day I had to collect him because he was so upset. Within days he was loving it and I enjoyed the peace and quiet, and the return to a job that I loved.

Be strong.

I think knowing at the time that I wasn't alone, that so many mothers are working whether it is full time or part time and that it was a fun, caring and engaging place for Ds1 to go to.

Ds also hadn't had anyone look after him due to geography of where our families lived but he was absolutely fine, loved it. Some days he did cry but was fine within 30 seconds, they let us watch on a camera in their foyer to calm us down reassure us.

There won't necessarily be tears (from baby!) - I left dd at 8.5 months and she was very happy to go off and explore. But don't hang around and bear in mind even if baby seems sad to see you go she will likely soon be distracted by all the exciting things and have a lovely time. Good luck with your return to work.

I found it really helpful to plan something nice for our first full day off together.

Perhaps you could think about some quality time doing something she'd like for an hour or two on your day off.

It helped me feel loess guilty and something to look forward to / focus on.

@IsItAllOverYetPlease she's a bit of a sensitive soul...she got upset today when I put up my black umbrella in the rain 😂 but mostly happy, giggly and very much go go go...I'm hoping she'll just be so distracted she won't realise what's happening! And yes, we have 2 1-hour settling in sessions but I'm not allowed to be there because of Covid and I'm not sure how helpful 1 hour will be 😔

Thank you so much to everyone for your advice. I know I'm not the first to feel this way and it's reassuring to hear from those who have been through it!

@dopeyduck that's a great idea, I'm looking at that one day off as our 'fun day' so hopefully we can do some lovely activities and she'll look forward to it.